it is precisely 2:10 in the morning and i can only think of you. it hurts my pride a little to admit this, as i don't want to be seen as a little lovestruck schoolgirl cause it goes way deeper than that. i'm past steeling myself for the usual excruciating pain. past keeping up walls around my emotions. past anticipating your love's decline. past carefully measuring each motherfucking keystroke to see if it meets expectations that i don't even know, even though i don't want to violate the same expectations and lose you. even though i don't know if i could handle your anger, or worse, your silence. but (and i am not sure if this is to convince you or myself) if you are worth it, then all of this should be immaterial. and if i toe out of the box, and yoiu happen to find something else, sans my imperfections and insecurities, that catches your eye...i'll take it in stride. keep a smile (oh, how perfectly fake) turned to the world. cry in private. because it'd be my fault for not keeping you one meticulously measured step away from my soul. for letting my guard down. for letting you invade my thoughts and make me restless when i should be sleeping. so, at 2:30, i'll think not of you and how scared i am of being broken, but maybe i'll set my thoughts on the foggy cobalt expanse of sky that is going to greet my tired eyes in exactly four hours. yes, that seems a little safer...because it is rather late in the game for fucking insecurities.