A Change of Heart

Chris sauntered into the classroom ten minutes late. Ms. Jackson glared at him before asking, "What's the excuse this time?"

He sat down. "I'm sorry, Ms. Jackson. I was just talking to my last teacher. I must have gotten so engrossed in the conversation that I forgot I had class. I wouldn't have forgotten if I knew it was your class I would be missing," he said smoothly.

Ms. Jackson rolled her eyes. "Right. Well, you'll have to get the notes you missed from one of your classmates who was here on time. And you have a detention with me at lunch today."

She turned her back on the class and began writing on the board. "Wouldn't want to miss that detention," Chris muttered to his neighbors, raising his eyebrows and making a point to ogle their young teacher. Several of the students snickered quietly, but Lisa, the girl who sat two seats from Chris, made a point not to.

All of the students were used to Chris' behaviors by now. Besides being late to class often and making snide comments to the teachers, he had another reputation. Chris was known throughout the school as a player. He would go out with a girl for a little while, have his fun, and then dump her. It was a game to him, but not to the girls. He left many broken hearts behind him. Because of this, many of the girls in his grade held him in spite, and thought he needed to be taught a lesson. But little did they know, Chris was not your average heartless player. He was dense as can be. Chris just didn't know any better; he was oblivious.

So of course, when he actually fell in love for the first time and expected instant gratification, Chris had another thing coming to him.

Lisa stood alone at the bus stop, the bitter winter wind slicing through her coat. She hugged herself to keep warm as she looked down the street in the hope of seeing a bus, but none was in sight. She heard footsteps crunching in the snow behind her, and turned around happily, expecting one of her friends. Her smile vanished as she realized that it was Chris.

"Hey, Lisa, what's up," he asked

"What do you care?" she spat out, annoyed. He never spoke to her, why would he want to now? Besides, he was a jerk. He had hurt a few of her friends, and she would never forgive him for that.

"Hey, what's wrong? I was just trying to be friendly." Lisa heard a twinge of hurt in his voice, and assumed that Chris was faking it. But he was genuinely surprised. This never happened to him. Girls couldn't resist him, or so he had thought. He had never been shot down just for saying hello.

Lisa sighed. "Sorry, I'm just not in a great mood," she said to clear the air. If they would be waiting at the bus stop for a while, as it appeared they would be, Lisa didn't want the conversation to be entirely hostile. The only other alternative was silence, but that would just be too uncomfortable. Besides, Chris was the kind of guy who persisted no matter what.

His confidence boosted, Chris tried again at conversation. "What did you think about that test in math today? Mr. Roland must be crazy."

"It was okay," Lisa replied. "I thought it would be worse."

"I didn't think it could be any worse. Maybe you can tutor me sometime," Chris suggested, expecting an affirmative response.

"I don't think so," Lisa said "I've got a pretty busy schedule." She had some free time, but there was no way she was spending it tutoring Chris. Besides, he probably didn't need it. She had heard him use that excuse before to be able to spend more time with a girl before she fell for him.

"That's too bad," he said. "I would really like to be able to do that." This statement was supposed to make her feel guilty, but it didn't. "Maybe you can fit some time into that busy schedule for me," Chris continued. Now she was supposed to invite him to her house to study so he could seduce her? No way was Lisa letting that happen. She wondered why someone like Chris would be interested in her. He usually only dated girls who fit his strict standards of beauty. Lisa had a feeling she did not fit them. What was going on? He must be just messing with her, getting her hopes up so he could tell her it was all a joke. That must be it, Lisa reasoned. Well, she was not falling for it.

Lisa was silent for a while, and Chris watched her in confusion. Why was she acting like this? Couldn't she tell that he was in love with her? He had watched her from a distance for a while, even while dating other girls. They were nothing to him, though he wanted them to be. Chris tried and failed so many times to fill that empty hole in himself. Upon failing, he dumped the girl he was with, who had often fallen in love with him by then. He had never felt any love for them, just a need to get rid of that aching feeling that was his life. But with Lisa, it was different. He got suddenly shy around her, and lacked all the confidence that he displayed the rest of the time. He held respect for Lisa's intelligence and kindness. And so it was that he loved her, while she showed no such feelings for him.

Chris had never expected to be so ensnared by a girl as his victims had been by him. The feeling was completely alien to him. At first, he thought he had gone insane. But then he realized that he was feeling a new emotion, one that had so often been bestowed upon him and met by his indifference. But now he knew what all those girls had felt for him, and wondered why he could not get even friendship from Lisa.

After getting all those girls so easily, how could the only one who really mattered slip away? Chris simply did not understand. It wasn't that she was playing hard to get, she seemed to genuinely dislike him. But why? Chris couldn't comprehend that the reason Lisa couldn't stand him was that he was a player. He didn't think of himself in that way.

Both Lisa's and Chris' thoughts were broken by the arrival on the bus. Lisa entered, the warmth of the bus welcome, and paid her fee. Chris followed behind. Lisa sat down on the side in the back, and Chris sat facing her. After a few minutes of silence, he could restrain himself no longer.

"Why do you hate me?" Chris blurted out. Lisa blinked in surprise. She had not expected this. Chris was so dense most of the time; he would never be able to realize that his advances were unwanted. But somehow he had.

After getting over her initial shock, Lisa replied, "It's not. I don't hate you. It's just." She was unable to continue.

"Please tell me," Chris begged. This was another shock to Lisa. He sounded so desperate, as if he was actually capable of human emotion. Lisa did not see how this could be the same boy who had broken so many hearts. She was compelled to tell him the truth.

"You hurt people. You use them for a while, but when the fun wears out, you just toss them. People have loved you, and you have hurt them so much. I can't respect that."

It all came in a flash. Chris looked back at his life over the past few years, and recognized all the ways that what Lisa said was correct. He saw the dozens of girlfriends that he had used, as Lisa had said, only until the novelty wore off. Those were people, and they had loved him. He had taken their love, but then thrown it in their faces when he got bored with them.

"Oh my god," Chris gasped. "I never meant to hurt them."

"But you did," Lisa said gently, realizing there was much more to Chris than she had thought. "I though you were just mean. But now I think you just didn't know."

"Oh god. I can't believe I didn't know." Chris' world came crashing around him. He had never left the girls to be cruel; he just hadn't known what he had meant to them.

"You didn't know. How could you not know?" Lisa said, mostly to herself. She was filled with a sad sort of wonder. Was it possible that Chris hadn't known how hurtful he could be? From his guilt torn words and sorrowful expression, Lisa believed it.

She let him be with his misery for a while. She looked out the window, and realized it was almost her stop. "Listen," she said, "you can stop this now. Now that you realize what you have been doing, stop it."

"I know. But now no one will trust me. I've hurt so many people." Chris' last words came out with a sob.

"I don't know what can help that. It's the consequence of your actions. You'll have to deal with it." Lisa couldn't believe that she actually felt sympathy for him. But she realized he had just been so naïve that he did not realize how his actions could affect others.

"I have to go," Lisa said, standing and hoisting her bag back over her shoulders.

Chris looked up at her. "Thank you," he said. "Without your help, I never would have known."

Lisa smiled at him gently and exited the bus. Chris was left alone, sitting with his thoughts. She was so wonderful. She had freed him from that horrible cycle of emptiness that had come from hurting others. He loved her now more than ever. She would never love him after all he had done. Chris sighed, and exited the bus at his stop a few minutes later. He walked along the quiet street to his house, his shoes making leaving behind imprints in the soft snow. She would never love him, but he loved her even more since it was she that brought him to his sudden change of heart.