Gaining My Religion

“I believe in a vengeful God.”

“Why is that?”

“God created humans, didn’t he?”

“God also created dung-beetles.”

“He has a sense of humour.”

“I suppose that would explain the platypus.”

“So, do you want to join my religion?”

“What would I have to do?”

“Nothing.”

“No sort of church service?”

“Nope, I figured God is everywhere and so you can worship him anywhere you want and at anytime you want.”

“How do you worship?”

“You don’t.”

“You don’t worship?”

“I figured that God is like this really powerful thing and so doesn’t need us lowly humans saying how great he is.”

“What about prayers?”

“Useless, God can’t interfere with the universe.”

“It’s not much of a religion, is it?”

“He’s not much of a God.”

“In fact the only thing separating your religion from atheism is a belief in God.”

“To be honest I am considering phasing out that belief.”

“So it’s not really a religion at all.”

“It must be. It ends in ism.”

“Not all isms are religions.”

“Yeah they are it’s just we don’t call them all religions. Capitalism is the worship of capital. Communism is the worship of communes. Vegetarianism is the worship of vegetables. Antidisestablishmentarianism is the worship of long words. Think about it.”

“Do I have too?”

“Not if you join my religion.”

“Okay I’ll give it a go. Where do I sign?”

“Nowhere. We don’t believe in signatures.”

“That’s a little unusual.”

“You have to have a gimmick.”

“Yes, yes you do.”