Fading . . .

I sit in the tree, my sobs making my body shake. I hear the laughter of the others, far below. Silent tears stream down my face. The wind blows my long, silvery hair into my face. I smile sadly, and weep again. Once, in a time far away, the wind used to be my dearest friend. I think back to that time, the time before I began to fade . . .

~*~

My family. I don't have a family. I mean, I did but that was longer ago then I care to remember. We lived in the woods. That's how I came to know the way of the forests. I have special abilities, may I not brag. I can talk to the wind. And the water. And the fire. But my favorite was the wind. I grew up away from people. The wind was my confident and my playmate. She was my sister.

Then there were my parents. They loved me, and said so. But they were weak, not suited to the woods. I took care of them. That is, until the fever took them from me. Then I traveled until I came to a friendly town, and there I stayed. It was wonderful there. I felt a feeling I had never felt before. It was the feeling of welcome, of security.

I used to be happy. I know that. I remember. My two best friends then were Ana and Kia. I remember how we used to be, so happy . . . and yet it seems like a dream. We used to laugh together for no reason. Talk for hours every evening. That was before.

I remember my first love, my only love. Ferio. He loved me too. Our love was not like you would think. It was simple. Pure and simple and clean. I call to mind the memory of him, smiling. His eyes so full of love . . . but that was before, too.

Before what? Before the war. The war that destroyed my dear home, Daria. They came. They battled. We were not ready for a war. Not after so many years of peace. Everyone had to help. My love went into the first skirmish, and survived. So he went, again and again. But I knew his luck could not last. All I could do was remember, and hope, and pray. As he was on his deathbed, I was called to his side. I could do nothing as I watched my true love die.

So I went to war, too. Yes, It is true I am a girl. But they were recruiting anyone who could help. Also, I am one of the best archers in the country. Worrying that I would die alone on the battlefield, my dear friends signed up. Alas, they were the ones to perish.

During the last battle of the war, we archers were told to take to the trees and shoot from there. My friends, a swordswoman and a rapier carrier were on foot in the hottest part of the battle. Fighting back to back, they were surrounded. It was hopeless. As soon as I saw them go down, I fled my post. Taking a glaive from a rack, I plunged into the fray. Someone later told me that he looked into my eyes and was afraid. They were alight with battlefire. I was in a bloodwrath.

I made my way to where my comrades had disappeared, slaying all who got in my way. I knew in my subconscious mind that I was killing. But my warrior instincts had come out and they were happy to kill. When I got to my friends, my killing frenzy left me. Alone in the middle of a battle, my seriously wounded friends by my side, I knew there was only one thing to do. I took Ana and Kia, one over each shoulder, and plunged into the battle. In the confusion, I was ignored. To this day, I don't know how I got out of that reign of chaos. But I did. I took my friends to a quiet place. And they told me that they would always be with me. Then, both holding my hands, they drew their last breath. And I am not ashamed to say that I cried. I cried because I loved them like my own sisters. And I had lost them! They were gone . . . lost . . .

And I survived. I had killed and seen killing, but not been killed. How could God have done this to me? I had lost everything. Family, friends, love, all gone. All lay beyond my reach. What could I do? I stayed with the church. They believed I wished to enter the convent. What a laugh. How could I? I had loved, wept, killed. If they knew the truth, even they would have left me. It was then I began to fade.

It was little changes at first. Someone wouldn't hear me when I called them. I had to go up to them and touch them on the shoulder to get their attention. Then they couldn't feel the touch. I had to walk in front of them. By this time I could not ignore this. I was leaving this world, but not in the usual mortal way. Eventually I became depressed. I could not live this way. And I had thought the pain of having nothing was bad. Now I didn't even have myself. In time, they couldn't see me either. It was then I had to leave.

I lived in the woods, using the skills of my childhood. I was overjoyed when I found that I could still speak the language of the elements. It was the one good thing in my life. I had a comforter, a listener, someone to share my dreams and hopes. It wasn't if I had any. But then reminders kept coming. A piece of amethyst, Kia's favorite jewel. Fire the color of Ana's hair. Lilies like Ferio used to bring me. My reflection looking like my mother. A song my father had taught me. Every night I would cry, and wake up in the morning to be reminded of what I had lost.

And I was gone. Invisible to everyone but the elements. I had faded . . .

~*~

That brought me to the present. This morning I woke to laughter, not memories. A band of picnickers had come to my forest. Quick as a flash, I was up in a tree. And still the memories came. How mother loved that dish. How father carved wood like that man. How Ana and Kia played that game. How Ferio looked like that boy when he was embarrassed. I began to weep. I couldn't help it. And I've been weeping since. And now the moonlight shines on me, reflecting off my tears.

I brush away my tears, but as soon as one is gone it is replaced. I cry in to the light, unheard by anyone but the wind.

Who am I? Why am I gone? Why can't you take me, Lord? Please . . . I have nothing to live for.

And I am heard. a song fills my ears. The wind singing to me as she used to.

Every evening sky, an invitation

To trace the patterned stars

And early in July, a celebration

For freedom that is ours

And I notice You

In children's games

In those who watch them from the shade

Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder

You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered

To the harvest time

Forfeiting their leaves in late September

And sending us inside

Still I notice You when change begins

And I am braced for colder winds

I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come

You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven

Finally falls asleep

Wrapped in blankets white, all creation

Shivers underneath

And still I notice you

When branches crack

And in my breath on frosted glass

Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter

You are winter

And everything that's new has bravely surfaced

Teaching us to breathe

What was frozen through is newly purposed

Turning all things green

So it is with You

And how You make me new

With every season's change

And so it will be

As You are re-creating me

Summer, autumn, winter, spring . . . And I cry. As I cry I stand and spread my arms. The fading is complete. I have wings now. I fly into the stars, hearing the voices of those I love calling to me. And, borne by the wind I listen as she tells me that she heard my wish. She is the one who began the fading. Now I am like her. Free. I can see my loved ones again. And I feel a strange emotion. It is a feeling called joy.