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Fiction » General » Accidently on Purpose font: B s : A A A . width: full 3/4 1/2
Author: Shadow Seeker
Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Reviews: 6 - Published: 12-27-02 - Updated: 12-27-02 - id:1146552
A/N: Don't know if I'll ever continue this...but...anyhow, this is a shoujo-ai centered story. Please do not read it if it offends you.

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"-never forgive you...how could you do that to me...why, why'd you do it..?" Her words held nothing to me, they were lost. How could YOU, do it to me? How could you sit there? How could you stand there, degrading me, for the first time you've seen me....All I wanted to do was throw my arms around you. Tell you I'm sorry. Tell you that I hate being selfish. Tell you that inside, this is tearing me apart, to see you.

I didn't mean to...I didn't mean to do it. I didn't want to do it. If anything...I just didn't want to be separated from you, I didn't want them to take me away. I just wanted it to stop hurting..if only for a little while. If suicide were painless...if suicide wasn't forever...I'd do it. In a heartbeat. Stop this pain of living, stop your words that pierce my soul. Fade away from the world, from life, from pain, from school, from people. And then stay there...stay there until I was ready to come back.

If you could only hear me.

"-just leave me like that, it was so stupid..."

Was it stupid? I don't think so. If I had died, you wouldn't have to deal with me anymore...but alas. I wish I could erase every single memory of me inside your head and then die. You wouldn't know me. And then it won't hurt so much.

"...I just don't want to go on living without you, you know that..."

So why don't we end our lives together then. Forever we can live in paradise, free of pain, free of suffering, free of this war. We can love each other in peace. Like in Romeo and Juliet. And then, I can rest in your embrace without pain, without hurting so much. Forever, we won't be condemned. These people won't laugh at us, hate us for what we are. We can run away together, live happily ever after.

Without a word, I throw my arms around you, silent tears falling from my cheeks. You looked at me sadly, but in an odd way, reassuring. Your hand ran across my back in circles, comforting me.

"We have to let go...you know that. You know I love you...but..."

I don't want to let go. That's WHY I did it, can't you see? I tried to let go. I tried to let go of you, life, everything. And I can't...please don't make me. Silent pleading on my part, my eyes, brimming with tears, begging her not to let me go. Her words cut too deep. I love you...I love you so much. And nothing will keep me from loving you...aside from death, and I can't do that anymore....

"They'll be here soon."

I don't care. Let them come. Let them hate us for who we are, let them mock us, tease us, laugh at us. Do you really care about what they think? Can't you just love me, just keep holding me? I won't care...they can kill me. I won't care. Just please don't let me go...

"...Niko, please don't do this to me.."

What if I can't help it? What if I can't pretend, pretend about everything like you? No. This time, I'm not letting go. No matter what they say. Please say you'll do the same...

"Niko...I'm sorry! Okay? Please...just...go."

Please take it back. Please.

Silence.

I can't...I can't do it....I don't want to go...why? Why do you keep turning me away...? ...See inside my heart now. See the desperation in my soul. Just don't leave me. Not right now....

"Niko..."

"No," I said, my voice quivering. "No. I won't leave you. You said yourself...Its stupid to do that."

We'll die together and live forever that way. No more pain...I don't have to see you suffer anymore, suffer through their retorts, cracks, even their abuse. No matter what...I'll never leave you.

Never....never...

The words cut off, as the girl rustled the sheets, eyes gently opening and getting used to the bright sunlight drifting in through her window. Her hair, a cerulean blue tipped with black, pooled around her cotton yellow sheets. Skin, a porcelain white from having spent too much time inside, glowing in the early morning sun. The dream...

The dream was all too real. The scenario of her school, and it was just that kind of dream that stuck with you. But at the same time, impossible. Why would she ever commit suicide? Why would you do that if you had it all? A beautiful girl with fantastic grades, and a loving family with a mother and a father that could buy her anything...

Not to mention, its not like she'd ever love a girl in that way anyway...such desperation...such anguish and pain.

It had to be all a joke, right?



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