If I knew then what I know now, how many things I would have done differently. How many choices I would have made at a better time, how many thoughts that I never let cross my mind would have been allowed the consideration that they needed and deserved.

If I could have any wish I wanted this New Year's Eve, it would be that when the clock strikes midnight, it is not 2003 that starts, new and unknown and full of new possibilites, but 2002 all over again. If I knew then what I know now, how many things I would do differently.

An impossible wish, one that defies the laws of the universe. Time does not flow backwards. Magic does not exist that could make such a wish come true.

Yet, that is not the reason why it will not come true. It will not come true because it is not a true wish, not one that is wished from the bottom of the heart, above all other things.

To think of that moment when the fireworks burst and I realised it was the same year again brings me much, much joy. But to think of just a few moments later does not. For I would know then all that I know now.

I would feel then all that I feel now. Would I have the patience to wait for the meaningful events of the year to come by, or would I mess it up all over again by making too soon choices that the first time around I made too late? Would my anxiety not make me ruin everything, and could I ever possibly believe that it was indeed the same year and things would happen the same way if I let them?

And would it be? That would be, of course, what I wished for. But even I would not be the same. I have grown. I have changed. I have learned, and I like myself better now. Even in small matters, how hard would it be to go over again moments that I wish had never happened in the first place, but are, in the end, unavoidable?

Maybe knowing in advance the outcomes of actions would not be such a heavy burden as I fear it would be. Maybe it would be just as cool and easy as I first imagined it when I thought to make that wish. But still, I fear.

Magic does not exist that can grant wished that do not come from the heart. Wishing for second chances on a time that has gone by is nothing but fear of the time that is yet to come.

With that, I have a new wish. Instead of going back in time, I wish to go forward with the rest of the world and the rest of the people. But this time, I wish to know, when the time comes, the things that I would be supposed to know then. To have the mind at each new chance to look into the future and maybe grasp from there some knowledge to make the better choices. Always.

All in all, this has been a good year. I do not wish to go back at all.