Annie

It was many and many a year ago,

    In a kingdom by the sea,

That a maiden lived whom you may know

    By the name of Annabel Lee;—

And this maiden she lived with no other thought

    Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,

    In this kingdom by the sea,

But we loved with a love that was more than love—

    I and my Annabel Lee—

With a love that the wingéd seraphs of Heaven

    Coveted her and me.

            “What is it all for?  Really.  I want to know what it’s all for.”  I was lying down on the bleachers of my school’s football field, which allowed me to gaze at the large blue sky that stretched to infinity.  Sitting down on the next row was Annie.  We’ve been best friends since the first grade.  We liked to hang out and talk, and since our football team hadn’t won a game in seven years, there was no need to worry about interruption.  Especially on a Saturday.

“What’s what for?”  Annie asked.  She was staring into a compact to make sure she still looked as beautiful as she had when she last checked.  That was fifteen minutes ago.

“Life,” I answered her.

“The Universe?”

“And everything.”  We laughed in unison.  “I love that book,” I said and I smiled at her.  She didn’t notice, of course.  She was still staring into her compact.  “Will you put that damn thing away?  Pretty girls don’t need makeup.”

“But ugly ones do,” Annie informed me.

“Good point,” I said.  Then I laughed as she turned around and smacked me playfully.

Annie closed the compact, put it in her bright blue backpack she always had with her, and turned to face me so she could say sarcastically, “You know how to make a girl feel special.”

I laughed once more and said, “I know.  So where do you plan to live when you get older?”  I sat up and paused to let my blood resume normal circulation.

“Here.  I like it on the east coast.  I plan to live a little closer the ocean, maybe.  I love the water.  Everything about the sea just makes me feel so…”

“Good?” I suggested in a joking manner.

“For a lack of a better word, yes.”

“Come on, let’s get outta here,” I said.  I was getting sick of sitting around.  I wanted to get up and move around.  Go for a walk or something.

“I like it here,” She said.

I smiled at her.  Annie was a gorgeous girl, or she was to me at least.  God only knows how many others thought the same way.  Her long brown hair stopped just past her shoulders, her bright green eyes shone bright like emeralds, her mouth always formed a cheerful smile, even when she frowned, and her perfect body was definitely something to lust for.  I didn’t, though.  It was never lust that drew us together.  As much as her physical characteristics attracted me, it was her intelligence and independent thinking that drew me close to her.  She wasn’t a sheep.  She followed her own heart and did what she wanted to do.  She respected her friends’ opinions, of course, but would never let them, or any of her peers, dissuade her from doing something she really wanted to do.  We would never have tried, but I still had great respect for Annie’s hardheadedness.

Annie and I were looking into each other’s eyes now.  I diverted mine and said quickly, “Okay, we’ll stay here.”

Annie moved up a row to sit next to me.  “Why the sudden inquiry about the meaning of life a minute ago?”

“I don’t know.  I can’t help thinking about it.  Neither can anyone else.  I mean, there are just those times when a person questions the world.  I just started thinking about it.  No one knows when the subject will come up in his or her head.”  I stopped talking and just stared.  I wasn’t concentrating on anything in particular, I just gazed down at the grass on the football field and thought.  I thought about what Annie would think if I told her how I really felt.

“I see,” my friend broke the silence.  “I know that you know there’s no god…”

“I never said that…”

“Okay, you’re agnostic.”

“Yes.”

“Well, I know there’s no god and the fact doesn’t bug me.  I’m perfectly content with living a good life while I’m alive.  I don’t need an afterlife.”

“You know that’s exactly how I feel,” I reminded her, “but don’t tell me you never think about the purpose of life.  I know you think about what happens when you die and…”

“I already know the purpose of life.  Would you like me to share?”  Annie was smiling at me and our eyes met for a second time in five minutes.

“Please, enlighten me.”  I smiled back at her.

Annie leaned forward slightly and I did the same.  She began to close her eyes and I mimicked her every move.  Our lips locked and we took turns kissing back and forth.

It wasn’t my first kiss, but it felt like it all over again.  This was actually much sweeter than my first kiss.  This was a girl I cared for more than anything else in the world.

As we kissed up in the bleachers, we let go of any previous thoughts about what the purpose of life might be.  I had just found it.

And this was the reason that, long ago,

    In this kingdom by the sea,

A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling

    My beautiful Annabel Lee;

So that her high-born kinsmen came

    And bore her away from me,

To shut her up, in a sepulchre

    In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in Heaven,

    Went envying her and me—

Yes! that was the reason (as all men know,

    In this kingdom by the sea)

That the wind came out of the cloud by night,

    Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

Annie and I began dating and we continued for the next three months.  We became the happiest people as well as the happiest couple in the school.  When we were together nothing could get us down.

It was the first week of December and everyone was getting ready for Christmas vacation.  First snowfall had come and go.  Annie and I had admired the beauty of the world covered in a blanket of white on that day.  Now, on my way to the bus stop, I looked down in distaste at the brown slush that the beautiful white blanket had become.

“It’s only pretty for a day,” I told myself.  I realized this every year and hoped that maybe next year it would stay white for the whole season.  I knew it wouldn’t happen, but it never hurt to hope.  Hell, I had hoped for years that Annie would date me and just when it looked like it wouldn’t happen she did.  Amazing.

Annie.  I let her gorgeous image linger in my mind.  Thinking of her made it seem like the world was still white and there were no more complications to deal with.  No more starving children, no more terrible diseases, no more violence.  I knew it all still existed, but I wouldn’t let it disrupt my happiness.

Once I got to school, I quickly found Annie waiting for me out front.  Her incessant shivering made her look as if she was freezing.  I felt bad because I was the cause.

“Why are waiting out here?” I asked her.  I was now close enough to see how blue her face was.  “How long have you been out here?”

“N-not v-v-very long.”

I put my arm around her and we walked inside the warm inviting building.

“What are you doing for Christmas this year?” I asked her.

“I have relatives coming up.  You?”

“We’re having a small Christmas.  Just our household this year.”

The bell rang and I looked at Annie and saw her wonderful smile.  This put me in a good mood for first hour.  That and the kiss we shared before parting for a full hour.  I wasn’t sure if it was right to call it love.  I’ve never known what love is, to be honest.  But if what I shared with Annie wasn’t love, then love is an experience I’ll never have.

First hour ended and Annie shared about two minutes in the hall.  That was the time it took us to walk to our lockers and get out stuff.  We had to separate for yet another hour.  It was relatively the same between second and third hour.  The kiss we shared then is one that I think about every day.  It’s the kiss that I wish I never released myself from.  We smiled and began to walk in separate directions.  Our hands slowly parted.  Our fingers tugged on each other’s as if our hands were as reluctant to separate as we ourselves were.

I had math third our and that happened to be the class I hated most.  I definitely didn’t enjoy being stuck in there.  There was a lockdown on the school.  All the teachers locked their doors and students yawned at another drill.  Well, most figured it was a drill until an announcement came on over the speakers and made it clear that this was not a drill.  The principle of the school reminded everyone to remain calm until the situation was under control.

I, like most of the students, found the situation intriguing.  I didn’t know what was going on outside my math classroom, but was very interested to find out.

My teacher eventually began to attempt a lesson plan.  The kids in the class were unenthusiastic about learning at that moment though and it took some time to calm the class down.

Just as it seemed like I might actually have to do math, a loud bang rang out.  A student quickly identified it as a gunshot.  He even identified the gun, not that I remember.  All I recall is the queasy feeling in my stomach.  Something was wrong.

Within a few minutes another announcement told the school that everything was fine and to “please proceed straight to your next class.”

I was first out of my seat and first out the door.  I raced through the hall to find where the shot had come from.  I found the spot.  It was easy with the mark of blood.  There was police tape around a blood-speckled floor.

I looked around at different students to see if any of them knew what happened.  Was the victim okay?  Was he dead?  What happened?

Everyone seemed to be looking at me.  All eyes were looking in my direction and I didn’t like it.  Every face in the crowd had a look that said, “I’m sorry.”  Something was being hidden and no one wanted to be the one to tell me.

“What?  What happened?” I asked.  The question wasn’t to anyone specific, just to anyone who wanted to answer.  No one had the courtesy to tell me.  I was able to notice a few grave faces look down the hall, though.  I looked in the same direction and saw a stretcher being wheeled away.

“Who was it?  WHO WAS IT?” I shouted.  I was scared.  There is no way to describe the dread feeling that had burrowed itself in my soul.

One person spoke up.  “She was in the bathroom when the lockdown began…”

I had a look of confusion on my face.  I didn’t want to admit to myself that I knew damn well who’s corpse was being wheeled away, so I hid by wearing an expression that showed I didn’t know what anyone was talking about.

I quickly gave up trying to fool myself or anyone else and I raced down the hall.  I turned the corner and saw the stretcher being pushed out the front doors of the school.  I raced up and, while the paramedics tried to keep my away, I was able to get a hold of the white sheet that covered the lifeless body.  I gave a great yank and shrieked in horror as I stared at Annie’s face with a large bullet wound in the head.  The terrified appearance of Annie has haunted me for years.  Her eyes no longer sparkled.  The light in her eyes had gone out.  I stopped pretending.  There were no more false hopes to hold on to.  I broke down crying.

As knelt on the floor letting out emotions that hadn’t been released since preschool, my love’s body proceeded out the door.  When the doors opened and I looked up, I saw a familiar face in the back of a police car.  A student.  A student of this high school.

I leaped to my feet and raced out the door.  My tears were quickly replaced with a furious fire that burned in my eyes.  I approached the police car with clenched fists but before I reached the vehicle, the engine began and police car took off.

I looked up at the sky as I inhaled.  The sky was just as clear as the day Annie and I let our lips make first contact.  My eyes watered up and I exhale as loud as I could the words “God damn it!”

But our love it was stronger by far than the love

    Of those who were older than we—

    Of many far wiser than we—

And neither the angels in Heaven above

    Nor the demons down under the sea

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul

    Of the beautiful Annabel Lee:—

For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams

    Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And the stars never rise, but I see the bright eyes

    Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side

Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,

    In her sepulchre there by the sea—

    In her tomb by the side of the sea.

I dream about her still.  I live alone and never plan on getting married.  No one will ever be able to replace Annie.  She was my life and when she died, so did much of my determination to make something of myself.  Nonetheless, I’ve been able to do well.  This is only because it’s human nature to want to read about other’s sufferings.

Religious fanatics will be happy to know that I am no longer agnostic.  I am positive there is a god.  But he is one hell of bastard.  Forgiveness is not something I easily give.  No matter what anyone has said in the past, time doesn’t heal.

Rest in peace

My lovely Annie

In your tomb by the sea

The poem used in this story is Annabel Lee by Edgar Allen Poe, published May 1849.