It always ends up this way doesn’t it?  Me hurting you, you hurting me, the vicious cycle just keeps going.  Forgiveness is supposed to be a part of human nature, but when does it reach that point of too much?  It’s not as if we don’t anticipate the hurt and pain that seems to come around every now and then.  Often actually, too often.  You treat me the worst out of everyone, but sometimes you turn around and shoot off your beautiful, pretty promises, and I’m hooked again.  Despite all you put me through, and vice versa, cut through the bull crap, and you’ll see that we love each other.

Chapter 1

I stand outside staring up at the dark sky.  The cold bitter wind rushes against my face.  I shiver and wrap my arms around myself.  The sun hasn’t risen yet as I head for my dorm room.  God how I hate winters.  You know that, don’t you Emily.  Of course you do, you’re the one that’d hold me through the cold nights of winter when no one was around. 

Emily Larkinson, my mystery lover.  I remember the first time I saw your precious green eyes.  The very first time I saw them, I got lost in them immediately.  That has never changed, I still drown in them.  You have so many emotions just buried in there, and in there, I can see that you’re praying no one realizes they’re there.  But you know I see right through that sad veil you cast over your eyes each and everyday.  I see through it, and you know that.  Sure you yell at me about it sometimes, but in your eyes I know you’re relieved to know someone just might understand you.  Your pain.  Pain inflicted mostly by me.

My name is Michelle Dawson.  I attend UCLA, 2nd year post secondary education, but 1st year student at UCLA.  I unlock the door, discover that my roommate has gone out for another night of drinking and partying.  I flop down on my bed, roll over and gaze at you.  Weak laughter escapes my mouth.  It’s funny, because you’re actually 500 miles away, I’m just looking at your framed picture.  You’re in your dorm room at UofW, with your new girlfriend.  You drove me away, hell, you yelled at me to get away.

“I don’t want you to come around here anymore!  Just let go…it’s a lost cause…we’re a lost cause.”

Yeah, got to love it.  I devoted every spare minute to you, I devoted my heart to you, I devoted my soul to you, I devoted myself to you.  You were my everything.  You made everything worth it, you made everything alright.  You were my saving grace, my angel.  But I was your burden, your curse, but at the same time, I was your light, your muse, your lover. 

“You never were good at making decisions were you?  Whether you wanted me to stay or leave.  Whether you wanted to kiss me or slap me.  So indecisive.  I wonder if you deal with the same problems with your new girlfriend?”

You just look at me and smile. 

Stacey Bradshaw, the new love of your life.  The new person that you needed to survive, your new sun.  And my replacement.  Funny how that works, she becomes your sun, and becomes my moon, eclipsing you, my sun.  Oh well, I don’t hate her.  She only seduced you, no big deal.  It’s you that I hate.  It’s you that I want to see crying on the floor, inflicted with the same amount of pain that I felt when I came home to see you two in bed together.  But at the same time, I know I could never hurt you, in the end I wouldn’t want you hurt.  I love you, I couldn’t bear seeing you go through that much pain.  I guess I’m indecisive too.