Hey guys!!! I've finished! Phew, that took forever. ::sigh:: This has been a ride.
And I love you guys…now go on and read my little minions!!! ^_^

Shout-outs:

Pyrrha: Drew appreciates the hug! And he says don't worry, there is always his family to
fall back on…unfortunately. (They're a bit nutty…) No, you're going by Pyrrha
now…or maybe CeCe or possibly…I have no idea!!! AIEE!!! There might be some
brightness somewhere…I have hope at the end of this one…I think. I do love you and
Rue-Rue…I hope everything works out. ^_^ ::takes daisy and hides it before CeCe can
take it back:: I do love you!!

Ang: You're my twit. ^_^ And I shall always love you. ^_^ Thanks babe!

Goddess Helena: Aw, sweetie. Your Grandma sounded like a wise woman. I am sure
she is so proud of you. ^_^ I'm glad I could help. That seriously is one of the nicest
compliments and I really appreciate you as a reviewer and a friend.

IYDBZKITTY2004: I do, I do! But I was told that is unbecoming of me to beg but I
don't know…::sigh:: I LOVE REVIEWS!!!! I hope you like this chapter too! And thank
you so much fro reviewing and I'm glad you like this! Keep reading!!

Wicked Wonder: ::squeal:: Fluffernutters!!! Yeah!! ^_^ ::sniff:: But I love those cliff
hangers…they make me smile. ^_^ And they make people read. ^_^ ::unsticks Wicked
Wonder:: You okay babe? I think I left you there too long. ^_^

Milady69: ::cheers:: I haven't seen you in forever!!! I appreciate the feedback and I love
being reassured of my writing ability…you feed my ego. ^_^ Seriously, thanks! I shall
keep on updating! Promise!! ^_^ Thank you so much!!!!!!

Whimsey-Whisper: Why thank you! I'm glad you are enjoying the fic and you aren't
stupid! Have you finished yet? Did you like it? I hope you did. ::bounces
uncontrollably:: Well didja? Didja? ^_^ The beginning is kind of confusing so don't
worry. ^_^ I love you anyways. ^_^

Disclaimer: Didn't mean to steal anything. I own nothing but Jeremy, Josh,
Austin and the school. Ang owns herself…::mumbles:: Thank God. ^_^ Just playing.
And Alexiajennine/Goddess Helena owns the beautiful poem at the end. I really love her
stuff, isn't it simply gorgeous? ^_^ Any similarity between other stories or people is not
intentional…promise…::nervous smile:: Gotta go! ^_^

I can feel the hot asphalt under my knees. What the hell just happened? One
minute we were planning our future and the next he was saying good-bye. He's supposed
to love me. How could leave, no notice? I don't understand. "Come on Jeremy."
Angie's hands pull at my elbows. She wants me stand.

"Why?" Is that my voice? Why do I sound so sad? I sound broken. Like
something was ripped from me. Something important. I can't see very well and my
stomach is doing cartwheels all the way up m throat.

"Not on my shoes." Angie groans as she rubs my shoulders. My head's
pounding. I think I'm having a panic attack. "Jeremy, you have to calm down." Angie
rubs my back soothingly.

I was diagnosed with slight panic disorder when I was five. My parents were
worried when I went completely nuts in kindergarten and it's been getting progressively
worse every year. I've been lucky this year, albeit some mood swings and depression, I
thought it was going away. This is the worse attack I've had since I was middle school.

Middle school. That was one panic attack after another. Damn it! I turn away
from Ang and empty my stomach on Josh's driveway. My lungs freeze up and I struggle
to breath. "Jeremy. Calm down." Ang's voice whispers in my ear. Her hands are
shaking as they cup over my mouth and nose. I wait until my breathing has fallen into a
pattern before shoving her hand away from my face.

I push myself off the ground and barely miss squashing Ang before regaining my
balance. Standing there, I close my eyes and wait for the spinning to stop. A small hand
closes on my elbow and this time I don't pull away. "Let's go." Ang's voice catches
slightly. She leads me to the car and then goes around to the driver's side.

I want to ask why I can't drive but I don't think she'd be too happy. If looks
could kill then someone would be frying on the sidewalk right now. "You okay?"

"I just watched my brother have a panic attack in the middle of his boyfriend's
driveway. Right after, by the way, the aforementioned boyfriend just gets in a car and
leaves without telling anyone…" She stops herself and watches me guiltily out of the
corner of her eye. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…"

"Don't worry about it." My head's still spinning and I lean back against the
headrest. I start to think back to after the funeral when Josh really started to act
strangely.

[for my reader's, takes place where chapter 13 left off]

I woke up to an empty bed. Oh god. He's pissed. I stood and gathered my
clothes from the floor. Pulling on a pair of boxers, I had stepped from the room and
listened quietly. A soft humming had been coming from the kitchen. I reasoned that
homicidal maniacs didn't hum; I headed in that direction and opened the swinging door
to find Josh clad in boxers, a white wife beater, and a pink apron. "Stop grinning." He
sounds like he tried to scold but I felt my grin turn into quiet chuckles. I wrapped my
arms around his waist and pulled him backwards.

"We cool?" I asked and purposely dropped my tone to a near whisper. My breath
made him shudder slightly and I tightened my hold.

"Yeah."

(As the scene replays in my head I can hear the hesitance in his voice. It wasn't
that he was upset but he was plagued. I had trapped him. )

*****

(flash forward- to a month before graduation)

I laughed as I threw and arm around Austin and Josh. "Dude, we are almost out
of here!" Austin grinned and did a Peter-Pan-crow-thing. We both turned and watched
Josh. He smiled weakly. I remember thinking it was odd that he wasn't excited. I think
I commented on it and he politely told me it was none of my business. Can you feel the
sarcasm? "What's wrong?" I think I snapped harsher than I intended because he winced.

"I don't feel well." His voice was so low I had to strain to hear him. He smiled
weakly again and then burrowed his nose in my neck. "Don't worry. I'll be better
tomorrow."

(He had me completely snowed. I fucking believed him! How could I not? I
mean, he's never lied to me before and I just believed him automatically. God, how
fucking stupid.)

*****

(flash forward- after graduation party)

He pressed me against the wall. He kissed with such an intensity it made my head
spin. I wondered what made him want to go so fast. It was like he couldn't wait to get
away from me. I felt a sick feeling creep in my stomach and a dizziness crowd my head.
I was scared. "I love you." I feel my heart nearly burst at the three words he uttered into
my ear. Everything was going to be okay.

*****

"I'm so fucking stupid."

"I could have told you that, brother of mine." Angie grips the steering wheel,
anger evident in her eyes. "You couldn't tell he was acting weird?" I think if she could
slap me, she would. "I could tell and I'm not even around him as much as you are!"

"Leave me alone." I wan to die.

*****
(Josh's POV)

Don't pass judgment until you hear me out. It's not like I left him all too willingly.
Truth be told, my parents found out. They found the notes, heard conversations; basically
eavesdropped. They said they hadn't wanted to jump to conclusions; they'd given me ample
time to "terminate the relationship" but I couldn't. I couldn't stop the guilt from engulfing me
every time my father's pathetic face turned to mine; the relationship was killing him. I told
them I wouldn't break it off with him right before we graduated; that we had plans for college.
I wish I'd kept my mouth shut. They made me promise to leave him behind the day I'd go to
the college they picked out.

So here I am…on my way to the airport, ready to begin my first semester at Ohio State
University. I'm surprised they haven't sent me to a school in England. I feel tears fill my eyes
as I watch his form fall on to the asphalt. I've really hurt him. I treasured every kiss,
hug…touch Jeremy and I have shared since the night they found out.

*****

(The night)

I had been lying in bed when my father's voice yelled up at me from downstairs.
"Joshua!" The first full name? I knew I was in deep shit. Everything else is still a blur. My
mother's tear-stained cheeks, my dad's ashen expression, and the words "we know" and "end
it" are the only things that stick out in my mind.

*****

Thinking about it know, I can't blame my parents for their reaction. The Levis' still
stick out in their minds. They don't want me ending up like Jackson but I can't be protected
twenty-four/seven. It's not possible. "I'll find another guy at OSU." They wince
simultaneously. I lie; I'll never find another guy like Jeremy. I refuse to. I'd rather be alone.

"We're here." My father smiles cheerfully and steps out of his seat. "Remember, we
sent your other stuff ahead so you'll have to go to the baggage claim office to pick it up." He
opens my door and then the trunk. I scramble out and wrench my duffle bag from the back. I
don't want their help. I turn and head for the terminal. The ticket is clutched tightly in one
hand and the security check is in front of me. As soon as I cross that line they won't be able to
follow me. I stand in line and don't look back…but I can't help it. Christ's sake Mom, quit
crying. I look back and it's killing her.

I can't do this. I step from the line and leave my duffle bag against the wall. They
stare at me and my father reaches out a hand. I look down at it and then grab them both in a
hug. I want Jeremy. Pulling away I wipe my mother's tears. "Don't cry." She strains to hear
my whisper and then smiles as she pulls me against her again.

"Go on." My father pushes me towards the security check. I briefly squeeze his hand
and then go over to my duffle bag. I hope Ang gave Jeremy my note.

*****
(Jeremy's POV)

"Here." Angie throws an envelope into my lap. "This was in my purse." Her
inquisitive tone makes my brow furrow and she leans over to peer as I open the letter.
Tears gather as I read Josh's handwriting.

You

Is it morning?

For all I see is night,

The night I spent with you.

I can still see you in my mind.

Your body on mine,

The way you felt,

The way you smelled so sweet.

I'm truly happy.

For the first time you're all I see,

You are what makes me happy.

All I hear is the beat of your heart against mine.

I can feel my heart race at the thought of you.

I can find a smile on my face.

I can still feel your hands in mine,

Never wanting to let go.

Your fingertips on my lips,

I could have stayed in your arms forever.

Is this real love I feel inside?

Touching your skin sends butterflies through me.

I see my future in your eyes.

All I see is our undying love and happiness.

The smile that you put on my face never fades.

Is this really happening to me?

I never thought that this could be.

Your body next to mine,

Is the greatest feeling in the world.

The way you kiss my lips so softly so gentle,

My fears drift away.

You whisper safety and love to me.

You always ask, "can I keep you".

I always tell you "I will be yours now and forever"

You're the air I breathe.

The light in my eyes.

I still can't believe you love me.

You could look beyond my past for who I am inside.

You are my love

My life

You are mine

For that I thank you

I'm sorry Jeremy. I can't tell you where I'm going or why. I do love you. Remember that.
Take care of Drew for me, okay? And…I'm not upset about Jackson. I'm happy he helped you. Tell
Ang I'm sorry and she'll always be my little sister! Don't give up because of me. I mean everything I
wrote. I do love you and I'll always be yours. Forever.

-Love,
Josh

I don't know what I'm going to do. It's finally hitting me you know. He's not here.
He's never coming back. I'm going to still go to Kansas State University and I'm going to find
Josh.

I will.

The End!!!

Well that's it! This part of Jeremy and Josh's journey is over! I hope y'all enjoyed the
ride as much as I have. Now I'm not going to beg for reviews, someone e-mailed me saying
begging was unbecoming. I spit on them but that's okay. ^_^ Thank you so much for
reading!!!! I'll start the sequel whenever you guys want me to, okay? Deal? ^_^