Childhood

January 1, 2003

New year. 

New journal. 

New writings. 

Topic of the day: childhood.

You know those books you read as a kid where every page you turn you know it's just going to tell you how great it is to be a child, and how the one child in the novel embraces it like there is no tomorrow. Maybe that could have been me, I really don't know. I don't think anyone's childhood is really like that though. In retrospect, of course, those authors can make their characters have the most pure and idealistic childhoods imaginable, but I don't think that happens in reality. No kid knows when they're with their friends and playing those childish games that those will be cherished moments when they get older. They can't possible know that. Think about it. Think of one author who writes those stories. How many do you think actually had those kind of childhoods? Albeit, most probably didn't have terribly traumatizing childhoods, I didn't, but I think that they had one that was normal but that's not what they want. They want to feel as if they embraced all of that when they were younger because they realize that as much as they wanted to grow up and be an adult, they spent too much time dwelling on their maturity rather than being a kid.

Of course, they could just have an unhealthy fixation of kids. Yea, I shouldn't make jokes. Most people won't even find the humour in that anyway. Oh well, back to my 'reminiscing' of my childhood. I don't know why I'm thinking about this  now. Just popped into my head. You know, one of those things that just wakes up your brain and instead of thinking about what it is, you dwell on what triggered  you to remember such a supposedly lost memory or image of your past.

You know what? I ramble too much. I should just rather get on with what I'm thinking about. Everyday I write on these sheets of paper and everyday I'm always to afraid to actually look back at my previous entries. That's so strange. A person is his own worst enemy and his own worst critic. Rambling again. God, I hate that. Sometimes, I think too fast and all this thoughts get jumbled in my brain and I end up ultimately losing all of them when I finally get my mind on writing again.

Okay, well anyway, let me get this little verbal ramble on paper for today.   I guess there was a point to that incessant chattering written higher up on this paper. Here's my point, when does someone finally get to the point where one knows, I mean absolutely knows without a doubt, that their childhood was never like that, that the societal conditions that we have now, will never allow such a thing? I mean, I guess this entry today, wasn't just my meaningless rambling, well yeah it was rambling, but this time it was different. I guess I finally was able to do what I bought this little journal thing for.

Writing's just for self discovery right? And where are you supposed to start on this own personal crusade? How about your earliest stage of life, when nothing mattered, everything was provided for you? I realize that these books; yes, they are good books, but they're not true to the conditions of today; today's society can make a child's innocence shatter in a mere moment. Presently, this generation is evolving maturely much more faster than mine, but still at the time of my childhood, our maturity was the fastest it had ever been. It's just one big cycle. Childhood is becoming more of an expense to those of today; it's no longer a commodity. It's such a shame too. True childhoods are not those ideological depictions of those notable tales, but still its the inchoation of a human being and if one doesn't have that, then what are they? I guess that's what I wanted to get off my chest and written on ink on this sheet of paper. So 'til tomorrow. I'll try not to ramble so much tomorrow.