...I'm sorry. I didn't...I didn't mean that I didn't want the baby. Our baby. My baby.

I was so...so scared. I was so very frightened...I...I wasn't supposed to have a baby. I never thought I could.

            I'm so...I'm so incredibly sorry. I didn't mean what I said, Kitten. I was angry at myself and at the Fate I was given. I can't apologize enough...That comment was uncalled for, so..so cruel. So unlike me.

            Please...both of you...please forgive me? I love you...both of you, and our children, our future children...I love everything I have now in my life.

            But...when I found out...I was in shock. How could we handle seven? Six...I won't say six was more then enough, because I would and will cherish each child we had together, but...six alone would take up all of our time and attention. By the time my babe would be borne...we'd have two five month old babies and four two month old babies. How would a serious newborn, one borne just a week earlier, ease any of that?

            No...it wouldn't be a burden. Not one of our babies. But what if it had been too much? What if one or two...what if they grew up thinking they were less then perfect, when both their parents are so very beautiful, amazing...all of that, even if the studious father is a bit hard to look at.  What if they did? And it was because there were so many children, so many very perfect, beautiful babies that were all of ours?

            I would die if one of our children grew up feeling like that. I know Kitten grew up thinking he was less then perfect, something Fox and I have gotten him out of the best we can. Fox, I know, has some major emotional issues. And a fetish for piercings. Not that the piercings is bad. And I...I just felt worthless. Unworthy of anything, even speech.

            I don't want one of my children feeling like that.

            I'm so sorry...

please...

                        forgive me?