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Jessica and I had met in first grade. She was a very aggressive girl. I myself was a very shy and timid girl who hadn’t really been around other kids my age since I am an only child. Still, Jessica and I, from what little I remember, became fast friends. We were constantly in trouble because we talked during class and lost our recess time. I had probably only gotten to go to recess three or four times during first grade. Huh, it’s funny but I at the time, I didn’t care.
For my sixth birthday party, Jessica came. Really I don’t remember the party, but I do have a picture that has us in it. Jess and I became so close that I basically began living over at her house. Sandra was always so nice to me. Now I can see that she was nice, at the time I thought she was a bitch. Jess’s sister Heather was living there at the time. But I don’t remember her. The last memory I have of Jessica’s family was the last time that I ever spent the night there. And I choose not to think about that night for the time being. It complicates my feelings about this tragic accident right now……
It seemed like every other year Jessica and I had a class together. Then we grew up and our friendship wasn’t as close as it use to be. But still we were friends. Then eighth grade rolled around and from then on, I regret a lot of things that I did.
Being tired of hiding my sexuality, I began “coming out” to my friends. I feared Jessica’s reaction more than anybody else’s and I still don’t know why. I told her though, and she freaked out and told one of her friends, who in turn told one of her friends until the whole school knew about it. More than one person traced the source back to Jessica and I became furious. I confronted her about it and she denied that she had ever told anybody. We never spoke again for two years……
Cut to my sophomore year the first semester. Jessica and I found ourselves in a class together. At first I wanted to still be mad at her but then anger had long since faded and all I was left with a sense of guilt because I had wasted two years of friendship just because I wanted to be an arrogant, egotistical ass about things.
Slowly we rebuilt our friendship. Though we would never be the same again, we were talking and were friends again.
Sometimes, especially now since the accident, I wonder how things would have turned out if I hadn’t have been so uptight about the situation. I wonder if maybe I would have gotten to spend the night with her again, like old times. I wonder if I would have been closer to her family and finally be accepted. But now I’ll never know…
January 28, 2003, on my way to school I overhear the bus driver saying that there was a car accident on 225. Nothing much was known. A few buses were late because of the car wreck. Still, nothing bad was known. During fourth period that day, a friend of mine said that somebody had died. I was saddened, just like anybody would have been. And my heart went out to the family who had just lost one of their own. But I never knew who that family was.
Later that night, my mother was on the phone with one of her friends who said that it was Sandra but he had mispronounced her last name (which I choose not to give out because I respect Jessica and her family too much to do that). My mother knew exactly who he was talking about. It was Jessica’s mother and her nephew who had gotten killed. The whole story was still fuzzy and the details were not clear. But I knew that Sandra, Jess’s mother, and Jacob, Jess’s nephew, died.
The next day I found out the details. People told me what they knew and I lucked out and managed to get a copy of the newspaper whose headline read :
2 killed in head-on crash
By Matthew Lakin
The Daily Citizen
CHATSWORTH- A head-on collision Tuesday morning on Ga. Highway 225 South near Brown Bridge Road killed a Murray County woman and her grandson and seriously injured four others, officials said.
Sandra, 47, and Jacob, 4, were dead at the scene, officials with the Georgia State Patrol said.
Sandra’s daughter, Heather, 26, and another grandson, Dakota, 6, were in critical condition Tuesday afternoon at Erlanger medical Center and T.C. Thompson Children’s Hospital in Chattanooga, hospital officials said.
Sandra’s other daughter, Jessica, 16, was in fair condition Tuesday afternoon at Gordon Hospital in Calhoun, a spokeswoman for the hospital said.
The driver of the van that collided with Sandra’s Chevrolet Tracker, Randy Goforth, 41, of Calhoun, was also in critical condition at Erlanger, hospital officials said.
The accident occurred around 7:20 a.m. when Goforth’s Ford Aerostar van, which was traveling south on Ga. 225, apparently drifted into the northbound lane and struck the Tracker head-on, Sgt. Richard Harris with the Georgia State Patrol’s Specialized Collision Reconstruction Team said.
Harris said it won’t be known whether any charges will be filed until the investigation is complete.
Sandra was taking the children to school at the time of the accident, officials with the Murray County Sheriff’s Office said.
Friends of Sandra and Jacob said they’ll be missed.
An energetic volunteer, Sandra was known for her work with children and youth at her church, Free Hope Baptist in Chatsworth, and with the American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life, friends said.
“I don’t know what we’ll do without her,” said Joy, a friend and fellow church volunteer. “She was a very loving, caring person. She would do anything you asked her to do.”
“She loved life,” said the Rev. Strickland, associate pastor of Free Hope Baptist. “She was always full of energy and happy.”
Jacob shared his grandmother’s energy and happiness, friends said.
“He was the sweetest little redhead you’ve ever seen,” said Frances, a fellow church member. “And he loved his Nana.”
Dakota and Jacob were a familiar sight at church and in their community, friends said.
“They were two little redheaded precious babies,” Joy said. “That baby’s really going to miss his brother. They did everything together. The sun rose and set in them to their family.”
“Where you saw Dakota, you usually saw Jacob, too.” Strickland said.
“One didn’t take a step without the other,” Frances said.
Funeral arrangements were incomplete Tuesday evening.
Peeples Funeral Home of Chatsworth is in charge of arrangements.
I’ve cried a lot since finding that it was Jessica’s family. At first I denied that it was Jess’s family, but upon reading the newspaper, there was no denying it anymore.
When you hear about things like this happening to other people, you feel a sense of sadness, slight turmoil because they lost someone they loved. The main thing is that you don’t think twice about it, until it happens to someone that you know. Jessica never deserved to lose her mother and nephew. Jessica had everything that I ever wanted: A mother and father who were still married. A brother and sister who loved her just as much as her parents did. And two nephews that Jessica loved. She had a perfect family, she had it all. Why did she have to lose it all because of some idiot? I don’t understand it. And the hurt in my heart has yet to fade or ease up.
There have been moments in the past few days that I have been smiling and having a good time but then I’ll remember how much pain Jess is in and my happiness will quickly drop and I’m almost reduced to tears again. I hate death, death ruins lives and never thinks twice about.
I began trying to write Jess a letter, trying to explain how I felt and how this whole situation affected me. But this isn’t about me, it’s about Jess.
Jessica,
It’s been said that denial is the first step in dealing with grief. I’m definitely going through that right now. A part of me still doesn’t want to believe this could happen to someone that I know. I’ve been fighting tears all day. Last night I was too shocked to cry. I had heard so many different stories that I was positive that it couldn’t have been your family. But I couldn’t shake that gut feeling that it was. My bus driver was talking about it this morning and my heart was in my throat hoping and praying that she wouldn’t say your name. When she did, my heart fell to the pit of my stomach. It’s weird to me that I feel this much pain, more so than anybody else, because I didn’t even feel this sad when my great uncle died. I’ve watched other people who know you today and I began to wonder if they even knew. They all pretend like nothing happened and they seem to already be moving on. I’m sorry but I can’t do that right now. It hits too close to my heart for me to pretend like someone that I care about isn’t in pain. We’ve been friends since first grade. And even though we haven’t been close these past few years, I still care a lot about you. I wanted to call you last night, just to see if it was true but I couldn’t pick up the phone. It was that gut instinct that said it was true and you wouldn’t be home to answer the phone. In a way I sort of feel bad for not being really close friends with you. If I hadn’t have let my egotistical attitude get in the way, we might have been better friends. That’s my fault. I’m just a sorry excuse for a friend. But if you do ever want to talk to me you can call me. I am a good listener and I will be there for you. I will do anything that I can do for you. Though I know that it won’t take away any of your pain, just know that if you call me, I’ll be there in a flash. You’re my friend and I love you. Call me if you ever need me.
And that’s what I felt and still feel. But I’m afraid that the letter will never reach her because I don’t want to cause Jessica anymore pain that she’s already in…
