So for months we we’re just friends, forever friends, we grew so close went shopping even brought those broken heart friend necklaces I have the part that says best.

I wanted Eva to have that part but she said to me Roxie your going to be some one you are the best, she doesn’t even realise how wonderful and perfect she is.

She was with my old boyfriend all this time and it never bothered me, he was a shit who laughed at his own jokes but a girl needs a boyfriend it was like a badge of approval so I dated a boy in the year below me.

He had grown up with Eva and liked her almost as much as I did, our dates consisted of conversations about her and how beautiful or smart she was, he always gave me suspicious looks when I told him she was the loveliest girl I’d ever met.

Then one evening we went for a meal together, he was nervous the whole way through and when the dinner ended lent over to kiss me, I shied away from him and suddenly he was furious.

“I knew it” he said, angry as I’d ever seen anyone “you’re a fucking lesbian! You’re a total freak”

“What?” I screamed back just as enraged “I fucking like guys you bastard!”

“Sure you do and that’s why we never kiss or nothing, you’re a lesbian with Eva I bet you lick her good don’t you?”

I’d never heard anyone talk that way before he was so angry, and I was frightened I’d never thought that might be what I was. To me gay people where freaks who lived in America and had aids, I cannot believe writing this now that what I thought, I was so ignorant but then so was everyone and probably will continue to be until society excepts gay and lesbian people…….but I digress where was I?

Oh yes and then I kissed him, it was like kissing a bar of soap he did nothing and tasted funny and then he kissed me back and put his hands onto my breasts squeezing, I pulled a face, he wasn’t at all gentle.

“I guess your not” he said after the kiss ended, I sighed and rolled my eyes and then he kissed me again this time putting his tongue into my mouth, I never liked that and he pulled away when he felt I didn’t respond.

“I want to go home” I said firmly, he gave me a pitying look.

“What? Don’t I kiss as well as Eva?” he asked, shaking me, I started to cry.

“Fuck of alright! I want to go home!”

“You bitch” he said coldly “I don’t ever wanna see you again, you’re fucking disgusting”

and then he spat on me, of all the things he could of done that was the worst I felt horrible, dirty so I spat back at him and ran off home.

It was dark that night and my mind kept trying to make me run, telling me I was being fallowed that somebody wanted to rape me but I laughed straight men don’t rape lesbians.

And then a dog barked and somebody knocked over a dustbin and I ran, I ran all the way home and up into my bedroom, and I cried into my pillow.

I wasn’t gay, I couldn’t be I’d never dreamt about another girl or wanted to kiss one I’d only ever dated boys.

I thought about kissing Eva, nothing really happened to me but the idea wasn’t disgusting.

I thought about holding her, I’d held her before so the idea again wasn’t different but then my imagination began to wonder and I thought about laying her down on my bed and kissing her, unbuttoning her school blouse and touching her breasts then trailing my kisses down to her bellybutton, feeling her squirm under my tongue and lips.

I put a hand down my skirt and into my underwear to touch myself, I was wet and aching for something and I thought about Eva’s tongue and her lips on me and moaned softly.

No boy ever made me feel like that.

But I wasn’t gay, I couldn’t be I just had a fight with my boyfriend and was upset, and masturbating to the idea of having sex with my best-friend, I was in serious denial.

~~~~~*****~~~~

the next day was a Saturday so I could lay in bed as long as I wanted by the idea didn’t take me, I got up early so was ready for Eva’s phone call when it came.

She was sobbing and breathless and I could hardly make any sense out of her.

“Roxie” she whimpered “can I come round please?”

I would never have refused her “yes, sure” I tried to keep my voice casual but the thoughts about her naked came back to ravage my mind and I had to shake them off before she arrived, as soon as I put the phone down I rushed up stairs and into the shower, then dressed in the nicest casual clothes I had.

The door bell rang and I rocketed down the stairs, throwing open the door and stopped dead in my tracks Eva’s hair was pulled in all directions, her lip was cut and bleeding and tears trickled down her red face.

“He tried to rape me” she spat out accusingly before bursting into tears, I did the only thing I could think to do I pulled her to me and hugged her tight and she clung to me sobbing into my shoulder.

I led her to my room and rocked her in my arms, offering tissues and soft words of sorrow while she told me exactly what had happened.

“Me and Shaun had a date” she started and I made an angry noise in my throat, Shaun was the dick of an ex who had dumped me for her and I hated him and her for bringing him up but she continued “and we went to the park and we where talking and then he said if I loved him I’d have sex with him and I said no and then he hit me”
”That bastard, the fuckwit creep!” I snarled, she sobbed into my shoulder.

“I’m so glad you let me come home to you, you always make me feel safe” she looked up at me eyes filled with tears and lips open slightly, inviting me.

I wanted to kiss her so badly, but if I kissed her I knew I’d never stop kissing her.

TBC