Notice Me

Hey, look, more old stuff. Well. Enjoy, review. K?

Well now. I don't actually do any of this stuff, but I've thought about
it, and come really close a few times. But I'm a coward, so I probably
never will.

Please review, so that I feel loved.

~*~*~*~

Have you ever noticed how much I hurt?
I know that I'm awful and don't deserve...
Anything at all.
But... you could at least notice,
Even if you won't ever care.
Even if no one will,
Because no one ever has.

It hurts...
And the fact that you don't know
Hurts more than the physical wounds.
How do you not know that I'm desperate?
How do you not see how I hurt myself
In order to prove that I feel anything?

Why do I do this to myself?
I never share my real problems with anyone,
And believe me, I have problems.
Instead, I hurt myself,
I hurt you...
Just so that I can not think about my fucked up life.

I'm sorry, for everything.
I hit you and yell at you,
Make your life a living hell, sometimes.
But I don't mean to, really.
Sometimes it's the only thing I can do
So that I won't have to cut myself again.

But maybe I need to bleed,
I need that possibility,
That promise of death.

You see, I know that someday
I will cut too deep,
Drink too much,
Take too many pills,
Mix the wrong drinks and drugs,
Get a fatal disease...
Or something else that will end my miserable life.

But I don't mind, not really.
That's probably the reason I do this...
Because I don't mind.
I relieve my pain by causing more pain.
I flirt with suicide, I experience a little bit of death
Every time I wake up.

And still you don't notice.
I cut, I burn, I bleed, I hurt...
I cry.
And someday I'll die.
Maybe you'll understand me then.

~Fin~

Well, that was depressing. I'm going to go read some happy, mushy slash
stuff now to cheer me up. Please review.