Dark Lord’s Devils

By Jagurandi and Little_Laurel

Jagurandi: If, for some reason, you don’t understand how freaky our Spanish teacher can be from the summary, you are very lucky.

Little_Laurel: This actually happened. Last Saturday, actually... Maybe it’s exaggerated to make humor, but it’s close enough.

Jagurandi: Yes. If you do have a phobia that a few of your teachers have cults and use them to follow innocent people like you around, help us wallow in our misery.

Little_Laurel: If you are fortunate enough not to have this phobia, please help us find out the scientific name for a phobia that a few of your teachers have cults and use them to follow innocent people like you around.

Jagurandi: Read on, if you dare.

*So that evil lawyers do not attack us, a small disclaimer. If I owned either Disneyland or Jack-in-the-Box, would I be writing this? Answer at the end of the end of the chapter.*

CHAPTER 1

THE GREAT CAR CHASE

*Our two semi-courageous heroines are being driven out to brunch after a long nights work...um...I think they were working.*

Jagurandi: *YAWN!* It was a real mistake to stay up until 4:15am watching cheesy horror movies on HBO.

Little_Laurel: I still don’t understand what The Evil Clowns From Outer Space was

about.

Jagurandi: No sane person would, Laurel.

Little_Laurel: That’s what bugs me! Are we sane? NO! I just don’t get how cotton candy can turn people into acidic drones, how dog’s souls can be captured and stored into balloon dogs, how the clowns think that popcorn is sufficient ammo for guns, how cheesy the special effects were, and how they did not once mention butterflies 50 miles away that got struck by lightning and sneezed!

Jagurandi: Well, it was the 70’s. You can’t expect the special effects to be flawless. I, for one, liked the part where the clowns trapped the bad actress in the bathroom, and she had to fend them of with hairspray.

Little_Laurel: The clowns that jumped out of the toilet looked like Jack-In-The-Boxes!

Jagurandi: Jack-in-the-Box...hmmm, they have good onion rings! Let’s go there.

Little_Laurel: For brunch?!?!?

Jagurandi: Sure! Why not? *turns to the front of the vehicle* YO Mr. CHAUFFER! WE’RE GOING TO JACK IN THE BOX! ASAP! *turns back to Little_Laurel* Don’t I manage him well?

Little_Laurel: Oh yeah. * cell phone rings* Hang on. *answers phone* Hello? OH! Hello, Ms. Dark Lord, ma’am. How are you? Uh-huh. Well, let me put you on speakerphone. Jagurandi is right here. Hang on.

Dark Lord: Hello Jagurandi. Hello Maple.

Little_Laurel: Um, it’s Laurel, miss.

Dark Lord: Oh, I’m so sorry. In case you missed it, that was sarcasm. Now, listen very closely...

*The two girls lean in very closely*

Dark Lord: WHY THE *BEEP* WERE YOU TWO WATCHING CHEESY HORROR MOVIES LAST NIGHT? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE FIGURING OUT NEW WAYS TO DEFEAT THE EVIL SPANISH TEACHER A.K.A. MR. IT. GET TO WORK OR I SHALL BE FORCED TO TAKE AWAY HBO CHEESY HORROR MOVIE PRIVILEGES!

Jagurandi & Little_Laurel: Yes, Ms. Dark Lord ma’am, right away! *Dark Lord hangs up*

Little_Laurel: Why does she remember your name, and never mine? I mean, which name is easier? Jagurandi or Laurel? Christ Almighty.

Jagurandi: Well, according to Dark Lord. Jagurandi is! Now, c’mon. You heard the big boss. Do you want our supply of cheesy HBO movies to be taken away?

We must go to one of our secret lairs to track down some of his followers. After the Jack-In-The-Box.

*Little_Laurel casually glances out the window, when a sneaky black shadow catches her eye.

Little_Laurel: Is that...No...It couldn’t be...They wouldn’t...How could they...

*Jagurandi isn’t listening because she is fumbling with a high-tech sonar locating gadget.*

Little_Laurel: Um, Jagurandi, to Jack-in-the-Box! Full speed ahead!

Jagurandi: Um, OK...

*They suddenly hit a road where penguins are frantically running across the pavement in an effort to get away from a mechanical wildebeest herd that has been provoked by a man named Shawn Biggerstaff. *

Little Laurel: Oh Noooooo...

Jagurandi: What?

*Little_Laurel points to the window. Jagurandi looks, and this is her expression: O_O *

Jagurandi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Behind them is a black Porsche. A Spanish dude is driving, AKA the Spanish Triplet, and a blonde woman, AKA Ms. It the 3rd.

Jagurandi: DAMMIT! Right when I’m really hungry too.

Little_Laurel: C’mon, let’s fly.

Jagurandi: To a Jack-in-the-Box near our secret lair in Disneyland it is!

*The two secret agents grab small, clip-on, metal wings, and attach them to their back. They open the sun-roof and blast out.*

Little_Laurel: Oooh, just in time. Look at the pretty explosion. I think they put a flame-thrower to the gas tank.

Jagurandi: *sniff* It was a good Corvette. I’ll miss it. *sniff*

Little_Laurel: O_O Ummm, what about your chauffer? Didn’t he blow up too?

Jagurandi: Oh, he’s OK. Look at the fool. He’s gotten involved in the stampede of penguins frantically running across the pavement in an effort to escape a mechanical wildebeest herd that has been provoked by a man named Shawn Biggerstaff. Sigh. That idiot will never learn.

Little_Laurel: *blink blink* Oh well. TO OUR SECRET LAIR NEAR A JACK-IN-THE-BOX NEAR DISNEYLAND SO WE CAN TRACK THE SPANISH TRIPLET AND THE DAUGHTER OF MS. IT II!

Jagurandi: ONWARD!

Little_Laurel: WHY ARE WE YELLING!

Jagurandi: I DON’T KNOW! BECAUSE IT’S FUN I SUPPOSE!

Little_Laurel: OK!

*The two girls then fly off to the lair, stopping only to talk to a butterfly who was close friends with the butterfly 50 miles away who got hit by lightning and sneezed.*

Don’t you hate it when they say... TO BE CONTINUED.

Jagurandi: Oooh. I still have chills.

Little_Laurel: Why can the Dark Lord never remember my name when she always remembers yours? Jagurandi. Laurel. Jagurandi. Laurel. _

Jagurandi: ^_^ I think my co-agent is in a bit of a depression. Oh, and as to the disclaimer question...if you guessed no, you’re right! If you guessed yes, I’m going to call for some men in white coats to come pick you up immediately. For the first five people who guessed no, I’ll let you meet the butterfly 50 miles away who got caught by lightning and sneezed. I must go to bed, because we really did stay up until 4:15 am watching cheesy horror movie on HBO. *Yawn* Sayonara.

LULLABY, AND GOOD NIGHT