Dark Lord's Devils

By Jagurandi, Little_Laurel, Rebel Dragon, LuckyDucky7too, Dark Lord, Bunni, KooKooNob, Adorkable, and Random Wallaby, managed by Mihoshi, narrated by a pigeon named Rupert and mascoted in part by a bartender's soul in a rubber chicken named Beatrice

LuckyDucky7too: Jagurandi! Laurel! Stop swinging from that art-deco lamp!

Jagurandi: But I'm teaching her, ya big meanie!

LuckyDucky7too: ~slap~ Laurel, why on Earth is Jagurandi teaching you to swing from an art-deco lamp?

Little_Laurel: I have to work my way up to a chandelier, and Jaggy says that art-deco lamps are the easiest to start with.

Dark Lord: May I keep going with this and ask how Jagurandi knows this?

Adorkable: Better yet, why does Laurel want to learn this?

Mihoshi: And, to end the vicious chain, why do I get the feeling that those two questions are strangely related?

Jagurandi: ~assumes the voice of a matronly schoolteacher~ In answerance of the first question, posed by Master, I will say that, under many different circumstances, I have been forced to swing from various ceiling-affixed lighting structures as a means of escape, avoiding pay, or the losing of bets.

Rebel Dragon: Say what?

Little_Laurel: ~assumes the know-it-all, slightly constipated voice of Condoleezza Rice~ and I wish to learn her skills that I too may feel the unbridled joy of flight from western to archaic to Asian glowing thingies.

Rebel Dragon: _ Huh?

Random Wallaby: ~assumes the affluent voice of Maya Angelou after having eaten a golden railroad spike—hey, I'm running out of good metaphors here~ If I may offer a slight monologue in reference to the third and final question, it pertains to a certain trip when we—Jaggy, Laurel, Beatrice and I—were at the Grove, dining at Madame Wu's. During the course of the meal, Jagurandi paled because she found no money on her person. She kept hinting at using vast realms of knowledge to escape. Laurel and I were puzzled. When the check arrived, she grabbed her bags, jumped valiantly on the table, grasped Beatrice in her teeth—

Beatrice: By the way, you need to be made aware of a little thing called a

BREATHMINT!

Jagurandi: ~sticks tongue out at Beatrice~

Random Wallaby: —and deftly swung from paper lantern to paper lantern, flinging rice onto the heads of an elderly Asian couple and spicy red sauce on the blouse of a teenaged girl and her date's gelled hair. This caused such a commotion that I could tiptoe away, leaving Laurel with a check, a destroyed restaurant, and one pissed Chinese woman cursing all kinds of obscenities. So, Little_Laurel wants to learn the ancient art of lamp swinging to avoid that in the future, which all pertains to how Jagurandi got this knowledge in the first place.

Rebel Dragon: ~slaps Random Wallaby~ SPEAK THE KING'S ENGLISH, PHEASANT!

KooKooNob: o_O RD? The US became an independent nation from Great retain in 1776 AD. Only an ignorant fool or a complete idiot would think otherwise.

Bunni: ~passes by eating a lollipop~ Like, SOOOO HAIL THE KING!

Dark Lord: Thank you for the visual aid, Bunni!

Rebel Dragon: Oh, I know. It's just that I don't think anyone wants to speak the President's English.

~everyone groans~

Jagurandi: True dat, true dat. But come, Little_Laurel! It's time for you to move onto the three-pronged western chandelier.

Little_Laurel: Yay!

LuckyDucky7too: ~slap~ Just…roll this thing.

~all events described above are, of course, fictitious. For how long remains to be seen,

but for now, they are fictitious~

~ahhhh, yes! Any Freeper out there! Beware! Liberalness rules this chapter, so stay clear! Flames will be used to burn Georgie boy...IN HELL! (maniacal laughter)~

CHAPTER 22

ARREST THE CUTE, FURRY, EERILY ANNOYING SPY!

~so, when last we checked up on our "heroes", they were fleeing a French circus gone horrible, horrible awry. Jagurandi met her greatest fear, acting as a clown, and was almost killed by Gomez and/or LuckyDucky7too; Little_Laurel was this close to being eaten by a lion; Mihoshi was rendered incapable of saying anything but "elephant"; Rebel Dragon almost killed herself going off the trapeze; LuckyDucky7too got herself wedged in a cannon thanks to the trapeze; Dark Lord affiliated the whole thing and, to her dismay, performed as a mime; Bunni acted useless because the Authoress forgot she existed; KooKooNob got to be a ringleader and led the whole troupe with a shiny whip, Adorkable performed as a human cannonball; and Beatrice was the mutant, and stretched hirself into an igloo and a hotdog, ala Meatwad. So now, out of breath, our protagonists pause to figure out where they are~

Mihoshi: ~huff, puff, holds up a satellite dish of sorts~

Dark Lord: ~mad as hell, huff~ Why? Why is it impossible for me to get money?!?!?

Little_Laurel: ~gulps from inhaler~ And why is it impossible for me to get married?

Random Wallaby: Lovely! ~puff~ While we've all turned purple, you're suffering from boyfriend withdrawal.

LuckyDucky7too: I'm not purple!

Jagurandi: That's cause you run! For no reason! ~makes cross with fingers~ Back, she-devil!

LuckyDucky7too: -_-

Adorkable: So…thirsty…

KooKooNob: I think we may have to drink our own sweat in a few hours.

Bunni: Like, AH! My, like, soooo, like, mascara is running! WAAAAAA!

Dark Lord: Bunni?

Bunni: Yes?

~Dark Lord burns Bunni into a scorch-mark on the ground~

~everyone slowly turns around to face Dark Lord~

Dark Lord: What?

Everyone: O_O ~slowly backs away from Dark Lord~

Dark Lord: Slave!

Mihoshi & Jagurandi & Little_Laurel: ~jumps up~ Yes?

Dark Lord: -_- The first one.

Mihoshi: ~scared~ Yes, Master?

Dark Lord: Where are we?

Mihoshi: ~relieved~ As far as I can make out, we're in Denmark.

Dark Lord: Now come over here.

Mihoshi: ~walks closer up, and as she does, Dark Lord slaps her~ OW! What was that for?

Dark Lord: I needed to hear screams of pain.

LuckyDucky7too: But that means…~pulls out a map of the world~ COOL! I just ran 585 miles!

Jagurandi: O_O I ran…five hundred and…but the…and the…I…I…~faints~

Rebel Dragon: God, that was—

Jagurandi: ~shoots back up~ Pathetic. Don't say it, I know. ~faints~

Rebel Dragon: 0_o How does she DO that?

Mihoshi: ~clicking around on her laptop~ I think we're in someplace called Lollaland.

Jagurandi: ~shoots back up~ HA HA HA HA HA HA! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE

KIDDING ME! LOLLALAND! HA HA HA HA HA!

Adorkable: ~runs over and slaps Jagurandi with Beatrice~ Do NOT faint again.

Jagurandi: X_x Yes, dark slipper.

Adorkable: Ok, that just didn't make sense.

Jagurandi: Well, when I try to say slipper the auto-correct auto-corrects me into saying slipper.

Adorkable: o_o Ok…

Beatrice: Hey now! I am not a weapon of mass slaption just because I happen to be a rubber chicken!

LuckyDucky7too: You seem to be dealing well with your fate.

Beatrice: Well, I decided that I must have died when I was tending the bar, and now I'm

forced to live in my own personal hell.

LuckyDucky7too: I see. ~thinks for a moment~ Would you like to be my new evil accomplice in the fight against Jagurandi?

Beatrice: Ah, what the hell. Sure!

LuckyDucky7too: Yay! ~thinks~ Is this how low I have sunk?

KooKooNob: Anyone have any ideas on what to do in Denmark?

Dark Lord: Yes. I would like to check up on an old business venture of mine.

Rebel Dragon: You're fourteen.

Dark Lord: Well aware of that.

Rebel Dragon: What could you possibly have done before you formed a secret agency?

Dark Lord: When I was eight, I embarked on a new marketing scam so that I could get the money for an electrified whip.

KooKooNob: You never cease to amaze me.

Rebel Dragon: If I may…WHY?!?!?!?

Dark Lord: It's all part of my master plan. If I can own a part time share in over an eighty-five percent of the global world circulation, I should be able to form a world-wide lottery, which will fail miserably, resulting in me holding all of the money in the world! Then, I will declare myself ruler of the free world and all people will be my slaves! ~laughs maniacally~

Rebel Dragon: Were you born knowing this?

Dark Lord: Yes.

Rebel Dragon: ~imagines a baby Dark Lord making an electric collar out of the netting from a pen and a mobile and putting it on baby Mihoshi~ Yeah. I can see that.

Little_Laurel: Sounds good to me!

Mihoshi: Why? I hate stuffy office buildings.

Little_Laurel: Because it doesn't involve us getting killed, eaten, arrested, tortured, or hideously maimed.

Mihoshi: Onto the business venture!

~all skip gaily to the large building under Dark Lord’s command, reveling in the slight break they have found in running away from the evil French circus~

Adorkable: I can’t believe our luck!

KooKooNob: I know! I haven’t had a break in ages!

Rebel Dragon: Look! Theeeeeeere’s civilization!

~all see the tall buildings which have produced the affluent city of Lollaland. Just kidding! They really see one tall building marked ‘Hasbro’~

Little_Laurel: Master, when were you ever involved with Hasbro?

Dark Lord: When, in the Dark Ages of the nineties, I immediately saw a chance to further peruse my task for world domination. ~laughs maniacally~

Beatrice: -_- This could be a long day.

LuckyDucky7too: ~thinking~ Dark Lord, Hasbro is a toy company.

Dark Lord: I seriously doubt that more than one of you has not heard of my evil scheme

and, in fact, supported it. ~laughs maniacally~

Jagurandi: MASTER! ENOUGH WITH THE MANIACAL LAUGHTER!

Dark Lord: ~stops~

LuckyDucky7too: Why are you the slave?

Jagurandi: ~puts hand over heart~ Aye, young lass. I have sold me soul for a piece of fudge the size of a quarter, but it’ll take more than that to break this beating heart! Sin! Sin, I’m coming for you! ~rushes off to the Hasbro building~

Random Wallaby: ~yelling after her~ NO MORE SCOTTISH ROMANCE NOVELS FOR YOU, YOUNG LADY!

~and it is in this fashion that the merry ten arrives at the Hasbro corporation~

Jagurandi: ~first bursts through the door, and, upon seeing a Danish official, pounces~

SIN! OH SIN, DARLING, I’VE MISSED YOU SO!

Danish Official: W-w-what?

Jagurandi: Sin, I know you must go back to my homeland to keep the Scots under

dominance. King Henry is indeed cruel and villainous.

Danish Official: Miss, I-I’m flattered but--

Jagurandi: But Sin, my Sin, hold your Caledonia one last time! I must have you once

more, Black Knight!

Danish Official: MISS!

~everyone else rushes in~

LuckyDucky7too: ~grabs Jagurandi back by the collar~ Jagurandi! Do NOT assault random men in public office buildings! Have I taught you nothing?

~the receptionist has been very much amused by all this~

Danish Receptionist: Can I help you?

Dark Lord: ~walks up to the counter~ I’m Dark Lord.

Danish Receptionist: O_O ~gets on a walkie talkie~ Dark Lord has arrived! ~begins rapidly pushing buttons~ Dark Lord has arrived...yes, that Dark Lord. Sir? Sir, Dark Lord is here. Yes. Right away sir.

~velvet chairs begin popping up behind all of the gang. Robotic arms shove them down as a red carpet rolls out, and all are presented with fine boxes of Belgian chocolates and neck massages from Latvian butlers~

Danish Receptionist: C-can I get you anything, miss?

Dark Lord: Hm...my cat would be nice.

Danish Receptionist: At once, ma’am! ~gets on the walkie talkie~ Dark Lord requests her

cat. I don’t know! You figure it out! If she wants that cat, she gets her cat! This is Dark Lord we‘re talkin’ about! Yes, THAT Dark Lord! Yeah, you’d better!

~Socks shows up on a satin pillow~

Dark Lord: ~smirks, and pets the cat like an evil mastermind~ Now, where is Mr.

Carvelli?

Danish Receptionist: Oh, oh, he’s coming, Ms. Dark Lord.

Dark Lord: Good.

Random Wallaby: ~whispers to RD~ I had no idea that Dark Lord was such a big shot!

Rebel Dragon: ~sips coffee~ She’s an international stock-holder.

Random Wallaby: Damn.

Little_Laurel: Excuse me?

Danish Receptionist: Yes, friend of Dark Lord?

Little_Laurel: May I have an exact replica of Daniel Radcliffe made of white chocolate?

Danish receptionist: I—

Little_Laurel: I’ll cry! BOYFRIEND WITHDRAWAL!

Dark Lord: Do it.

Danish receptionist: Yes'm! ~scurries off~

Jagurandi: And I want a purple humuhumunukunukuapua!

Danish Receptionist: O______O ~slap, hurries off~

Mihoshi: What's a whatever you just said?

Jagurandi: I have no idea! I just wanted to make her do something impossible.

Dark Lord: Good work, slave.

Jagurandi: ^_^

~the Danish official that Jagurandi pounced on comes over to Dark Lord~

Jagurandi: Hoooo boy. Well, this should be interesting. A lesson in life I am sure I will get.

LuckyDucky7too: No, really? All you did was pounce on him frantically in a Scottish

romance novel induced bliss. I don't see why this should be awkward at all!

Beatrice: God only knows that men loved to be hugged by a less than good looking girl from another country and told that they are Black Knights.

KooKooNob: Good one!

Beatrice: No, I was being serious. I would have loved it if a foreign girl threw herself at me in a Scottish romance novel induced bliss.

LuckyDucky7too: -_- You may just be the most incompetent evil accomplice I have ever teamed up with.

Beatrice: Thank you!

LuckyDucky7too: ~scoffs~ Rubber chickens.

Dark Lord: So, Mr. Carvelli. I trust all is well?

Mr. Carvelli: ~or the Black Knight! Hee Hee! (Rupert places another tape in Jagurandi's bookshelves of Embarrassing/Painful Moments) That's a keeper~ Yes, Dark Lord. As per your instructions, the marketing department has petered off on the marketing campaign until the re-release in a year and a half.

Dark Lord: And what of my other plans?

Mr. Carvelli: Since we failed to get one of the little dickens into the Pentagon, process has been somewhat impeded.

Dark Lord: Can't have that. ~snaps fingers~ Slaves!

Mihoshi & Jagurandi & Little_Laurel: Yes?

Dark Lord: I would like you to get one of these into the White House. Place it in the loose floorboard under the President's desk. It's the third from the right. Turn it on silent mode, flip on the activated digital voice recorder under the chin.

Jagurandi: What is—

Mr. Carvelli: Really, Ms. Dark Lord, I must protest! Look at the girls you're sending to get a critical affair accomplished! This one is shorter than my four year old daughter.

~gestures to Laurel~

Little_Laurel: You got a problem with the vertically challenged? Huh? I'll sic our union on ya, just you wait!

Mr. Carvelli: This one…well…seems a little spacey.

Mihoshi: ~envisioning a picture of a citizen falling face first in the mud of Lollaland~

I'm sorry, did you want me?

Mr. Carvelli: And this one jumped on me and exclaimed her love to me, calling me the Black Knight!

Jagurandi: Oh, don't tell me you didn't love every minute of it! ^_^

Mr. Carvelli: Well, it was flattering, but—

Jagurandi: But nothin! I seduced you fair and square! ^_~ I win!

Mr. Carvelli: Please, Ms., anyone but that one!

Dark Lord: Now really, Mr. Carvelli. I do not have the utmost confidence in them, and that should be good enough for you.

Little_Laurel: -_- Oh yeah, thaaaaaaanks, Dark Lord. Way to stand up for the little people.

Dark Lord: ~strokes Socks~ If you're that worried, I'll send the rest of the team as precaution, among them a super genius and a rubber chicken.

LuckyDucky7too & Beatrice: ~wave~

Dark Lord: And, for extra measure, I will carefully monitor them from our concealed battle rooms.

Mr. Carvelli: Well…

Dark Lord: Have we a deal?

Mr. Carvelli: You're a crazy son of a bitch, Dark Lord, and that's what's helped us so far. Alright. We'll go for it.

Dark Lord: Now go eat a box of soap powder for saying that.

Mr. Carvelli: Yes, ma'am. ~walks away~

Adorkable: Dark Lord, if I may, why did we have to work for that carnival and almost get killed if you all but own a multi-million dollar corporation?

Dark Lord: Um...I forgot about this?

Rebel Dragon: ... ~SLAP~

Jagurandi: Now, can I know what's going on so I can be a story teller?

Little_Laurel: GOOD LORD, NO! YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO WHAT

HAPPENED THE LAST TIME!

Dark Lord: …nothing extraordinary?

Little_Laurel: YES! EXACTLY! I can see we're on the same page.

Dark Lord: …no we're not.

Little_Laurel: I know you see the importance of telling the story yourself!

Dark Lord: …no I don't.

Little_Laurel: So, happily, we'll all be safe!

Dark Lord: …I really stopped listening awhile ago.

Little_Laurel: ~sighs~

Dark Lord: Anyways, during the Dark ages of the nineties, in the wake of the Spice Girls and the beginning of the Britney era, I was lost in an entirely pinked realm. I had to take action, and use this disadvantageous mindset to an advantage. Teaming up with the Hasbro Corporation through the Internet, I composed an idea for a toy so futuristic, so cute and still ugly, so smart, and so annoying that the masses would eat it up. After we had netted billions, I launched phase two: sneaking one of the little things into the Oval Office. But the people who I hired to do it were idiotic at best. They went to the Pentagon instead and got themselves caught. The things were banned from the White house and the Pentagon in a fell swoop. So now, it's up to you.

Rebel Dragon: ~pokes Dark Lord~

Dark Lord: What?!?!?

Rebel Dragon: I still find it hard to believe that you are a teenager. Are you sure you're not a thirty-three year old with a really good cosmetic surgeon?

Dark Lord: -_- Listen to yourself.

Rebel Dragon: ~slap~ Sorry! Good lord, what was I thinking?

KooKooNob: What is this wonder toy, Dark Lord?

Dark Lord: Adorkable, open the bag, please.

~Adorkable does so and pulls out the unspeakable~

Mihoshi: I knew it! I knew you were behind it all along!

Beatrice: You knew she invented a Furby?

Mihoshi: ~matter-of-factly~ Of course! They’re evil!

Jagurandi: O_O

Little_Laurel: Wow. Haven't seen one of those in a while.

LuckyDucky7too: You were how old when this happened?

Rebel Dragon: Oh my…Dark Lord, I feel so…betrayed! Look at this!

Dark Lord: Sorry RD. You do what you have to.

Random Wallaby: Jagurandi?

Jagurandi: O_O I-I…I-It…

Adorkable: Come now, woman! Out with it!

Jagurandi: IT'S THE THING THAT WOULDN'T DIE!! O_O KILL IT! KIIIIIIIIL IT!

Adorkable: Not that much out! For the love of PETE, you're loud.

Rebel Dragon: Who's Pete?

Adorkable: Huh?

Rebel Dragon: I always wondered. When they say Pete, who is Pete?

Adorkable: Uh…

Rebel Dragon: Is he a redhead?

Adorkable: WHAT?

Jagurandi: ~gone into Gollum-like trance~ First, we tried drowning it, yes, we did, yes…then, the FIRE! Yes, we burned it, my precious, burned it, yes, but it still lived. Threw away the carcass we did. And when we ripped out the voice and slammed it into the concrete with a baseball bat, precious, oh the noise, oh, but it still lived precious. We buried it, and it HAUNTS US STILL! ~nervous breakdown phase~ WHY? WHY, PRECIOUS, WON'T IT LEAVE US ALONE?

LuckyDucky7too: AHHH! I HATE GOLLUM!

Mihoshi: Jaggy, I do this as a friend. ~slaps Jagurandi hard~

Jagurandi: x_x Lord of the…onion rings...

Everyone else: O_O

Dark Lord: ~strokes Socks~ And moving on. The seven of you MUST get this in the floorboard under the President's desk. Otherwise…the consequences…will be grave.

~everyone remembers the guillotine and gulps~

Dark Lord: Understood?

~everyone nods, and falls through a trap door. Screams ensue~

Jagurandi: Anyone notice that we're in those skin-tight anime spy outfits?

Rebel Dragon: How could we not? ~pulls on the suction-cup tight material~

Mihoshi: ~like a siren~ UNCOMFORTABLE!

Little_Laurel: ~picks up a bag of Furbys~ Well, I think we better get this thing down.

LuckyDucky7too: Hey, I’m not her slave! Why should I?

Little_Laurel: For a doughnut?

LuckyDucky7too: ~thinks it over~ Ok!

Jagurandi: Curse the figures of the skinny! For they can wear these outfits without

looking like Sasquatches and still want to eat concoctions of pure fat and sugar!

Rebel Dragon: ~sticks out her tongue~

Adorkable: Let’s get this over with.

Jagurandi: o_o HA HA! YOU LOOK LIKE A TXURRO!

Adorkable: A who?

Mihoshi: She speaks in the tongue of the Basque people, which none of us can come close to understanding if we live to be five hundred.

Jagurandi: ~laughing~ That means an overstuffed sausage.

Adorkable: ~growls~ You die tonight.

Jagurandi: Now, now. Don’t be like my old aitxitxe.

Dark Lord: ~shows up on a TV screen~ Come on, slaves! Let’s get moving!

LuckyDucky7too: I am NOT your slave!

Dark Lord: Just getting you used to the idea.

LuckyDucky7too: ~growls~

Beatrice: You put any thought into how we’re going to get there?

Dark Lord: ~strokes Socks~ Why, through the power of rubber chicken floats, of course.

Beatrice: o_O Through...through the power of what?

~mechanized arms grab Beatrice and stretch him to the size of a jacket, then puffs him

full of air, creating a Bea-blimp~

Beatrice: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Goddamn! I look like I’m like, three hundred pounds!

Dark Lord: Now, all of you, get on the chicken. He has been given coordinates to the White House. Do not fly over anything spiky. That is all. ~fades to static~

Beatrice: O_O I’M FAT! NOOO! I’ll never be loved again!

Jagurandi: Hey! Show some respect for the fat sistas!

Beatrice: ...there’s only one of you...

Jagurandi: -_- Yes, just press my face into the gravel and grind.

Random Wallaby: And you will have this delicious sausage! In fact, Bruce, I’m sure that once your customers taste this scrumptious, fatty treat they’ll want to eat it again and again and again!

Jagurandi: O_O WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Random Wallaby: Now there’s a hole with no bottom!

~and so, those comforting words spoken, the team of nine jump onto the back of Beatrice and begin their soaring flight~

Jagurandi: ~suddenly~ Let’s get away from all this.

Little_Laurel: Huh?

Jagurandi: ~grasps Little_Laurel’s shoulder~ Come. We shall fly to Las Vegas, and escape this cruel world in the fantasies of liquor and cheap prostitutes. We will be free, and live a life away from the life of our cruel parents, and live forever in matrimonial bliss!

Little_Laurel: O_O

Random Wallaby: That’s it! I am monitoring your trips to the bookstore from this day forward!

Jagurandi: ROMANCE NOVELS ARE GOD!

~and later~

Rebel Dragon: ~flings a penny from Beatrice, hears a piercing shriek followed by a muted thud~ Ah...

LuckyDucky7too: RD! What have I told you about flinging coins on the heads of innocent bystanders, promptly paralyzing them? No!

Rebel Dragon: Fine, mother.

Adorkable: Hey! Why didn’t you ask me to be your evil accomplice?

LuckyDucky7too: Because...I like the rubber chicken better. He’ll look good on the posters.

Rebel Dragon: T_T My tradition! My lovely, lovely tradition of killing people with currency!

KooKooNob: Never fear, RD, I will carry on with your brave, valiant tradition! ~opens her stomach and flings a small piece of machinery onto the passerby, quickly causing her

to faint~ Beeeeeeeeeeep...

Mihoshi: -_- I wish you wouldn’t do that.

~and later still~

Beatrice: O_O SKYSCRAPERS! HELP WITH THE SKYSCRAPERS!

~everyone gets in position~

Beatrice: LEAN!

~almost everyone leans left, Jagurandi right, causing Beatrice to puncture himself. Jagurandi is forced into the hole to keep him sailing as penance, and her huge, grotesquely shaped head doesn‘t hurt~

Jagurandi: ~muffled~ ER WE ERR EUT?

Everyone else: NO!

~and finally, they arrive at their destination, the White House tennis courts~

Jagurandi: ~popping her head out of the hole in Beatrice’s side~ Ahhhhhh! Air!

Beatrice: _ Oh, just shut up.

Jagurandi: By the way, you have no internal organs.

Beatrice: I’m a rubber chicken. Does it really come as a surprise to you?

Jagurandi: Nah. Just wondering how you breathe.

Beatrice: ~thinks about this~ OH GOD! I FORGOT HOW YOU BREATHE! ~begins spazzing out~

LuckyDucky7too: -_- Eeeeeeexcellent, Jagurandi.

Jagurandi: Well, he has no lungs!

Rebel Dragon: Barbie has no internal organs.

~silence~

Rebel Dragon: Is Beatrice related to Barbie? Although he should be seven feet tall and blonde instead of fourteen inches and bald...

~incredulous stares, except from KooKooNob, who nods furiously~

Little_Laurel: ~blink blink~ Let’s just get this all over with, shall we? ~reaches into the bag to pull out a little pink Furby~

Jagurandi: O_O EEEEEEEVIL!

LuckyDucky7too: ~hits her on the head with a tennis racket~

Jagurandi: T_T Everyone hates me!

Adorkable: Yes we do!

Mihoshi: ~grabs one with green eyes~ I think there’s one for all of us, maybe we should split up?

KooKooNob: ~looks in the bag~ There’s only four...

Mihoshi: No, there’s nine. ~counts on her fingers~ ...ok, four.

Rebel Dragon: Been awhile since school, Mihoshi?

Jagurandi: HAH! Admit it!

Mihoshi: What?

Jagurandi: You were wrong! You were wrong and you know it!

Mihoshi: I wasn’t wrong.

Jagurandi: Mihoshi. You just said that four equals nine.

Mihoshi: Did not. I said there was one for each of us and there wasn’t.

Jagurandi: So you were wrong!

Mihoshi: No.

Jagurandi: MIHOSHI! THERE ARE NINE OF US, FOUR FURBYS! 9=4 IS A NO NO!

Mihoshi: No.

Jagurandi: Yes! Wait...what?

Beatrice: Just give it up, Jaggy. Give it up right now.

Mihoshi: ^_^

Rebel Dragon: ~picks up a Furby as one would a dead mouse~ Now what?

Random Wallaby: Ooooo! Furry! ~picks out the last one~

Little_Laurel: Let’s listen to the super genius, shall we?

LuckyDucky7too: I love it when you guys say that. ~thinks for a while~

~thinking~

Random Wallaby: ~drums her fingers on Beatrice’s head~

Beatrice: ~bites Random Wallaby’s finger~

Random Wallaby: OW!

Beatrice: You taste like alcohol.

Random Wallaby: -_- You licked my body splash.

Beatrice: EEEEEW!

~LuckyD still thinks~

Jagurandi: La dee dah dee dah...

Mihoshi: You cannot sing.

Jagurandi: Well, you break glasses. Specifically, my glasses.

Mihoshi: You’re blind as a bat!

Jagurandi: You never admit you’re wrong!

KooKooNob: See above! ~points up~

Mihoshi: Big nose!

Jagurandi: ...I hate you.

Mihoshi: I have stumbled upon the secret code!

~LuckyDucky7too is still thinking, but such is the price one must pay to have a super genius on your side. The others have resorted to playing tennis triples, Beatrice as referee, Mihoshi suffering from heatstroke~

Little_Laurel: BONZAI! ~hits the ball hard over the net~

KooKooNob: ~on the other side~ OUT!

Little_Laurel: No way!

KooKooNob: Yes! It hit the shadow! Do you not watch commercials?

Little_Laurel: -_- Beatrice?

Beatrice: The referee has decided that that is an extremely stupid commercial! Point: Team Whingdingdilly!

Adorkable: Alright, the public has a right to know. Who came up with that name?

Random Wallaby: That would be me, Addy!

Adorkable: _ Never call me that.

Mihoshi: ~waves a flag~ Yay Japan!

Rebel Dragon: Thank you, thank you!

Mihoshi: My, Japan has shrunk since the last time I saw it. ~measures RD~ Wow. Japan is sixty-one inches long, guys.

KooKooNob: Beloved creator, your stupidity has surpassed my wildest beliefs.

Mihoshi: Thank you too.

Jagurandi: ~rubs chin in thought~ Dear Lord! They’re all acting as stupid as I am! This is a day for celebration!

Beatrice: Game point: Team Pink Elephant!

LuckyDucky7too: I have happened upon a solution!

Rebel Dragon: Did you have a nice walk, sister?

LuckyDucky7too: ~put her hand on RD’s head~ What is going on in there today?

~receives a blank stare~ Uh...never mind, let’s just go on with what I’ve been thinking about--

Jagurandi: For ten years.

LuckyDucky7too: ~whaps Jagurandi~ Now, there are four Furbys, and nine of us. It is clear to me that we have to--

Jagurandi: BUUUUUUUUUUUURN THEM!

LuckyDucky7too: -_- Laurel.

Little_Laurel: ~pulls out the Mighty Mallet of Doom, smiles evilly~ With pleasure.

Jagurandi: o_o Shutting up.

LuckyDucky7too: Alright. I vote that we go into four groups of two, each with one Furby. Mihoshi?

~Mihoshi rolls out a map of the White House, clearly marked with Secret Service Agent patrols~

Beatrice: O_o Isn’t that illegal?

Mihoshi: You know you don’t have to ask.

Beatrice: Oh, right, sorry for doubting you, Mihoshi. I know you’re the responsible one, and--

Mihoshi: Of course it’s illegal!

Adorkable: You have much to learn of our world, little chicken made of rubber.

LuckyDucky7too: A-hem! ~begins pointing to random places on the map~ We can each take one of the vital entrances into the White House. In order to gain access. Team One will be on a diversionary mission, designed to spread the attention of the Secret Service and other guards to this area. Team Two will take the base here, by the fire escape. Team Three will come up from under this nuclear hideout here. Team Four will come in by the air duct, following it to where the panels are the shape of an eagle, then burst into the White House, activate the knock-out gas, and place the Furby there. If anything goes wrong, Teams Two and Three will be there for back up. Team One will have to ditch the Secret Service bulk out here by the pond here, which is twelve feet below sea level, then run back to Beatrice, who will have been out here, with Team Five, that’s you Adorkable, who will have blown him back up at your command. Any questions?

~stunned silence, KooKooNob raises her hand~

LuckyDucky7too: Yes?

KooKooNob: Why is Dark Lord the boss?

LuckyDucky7too: I have often asked myself that very same question and yet...no one else does.

Mihoshi: Very good plan, LuckyD.

LuckyDucky7too: ^_^ Thank you!

Rebel Dragon: Why can’t we all just dress up as Secret Service Agents?

LuckyDucky7too: o_o

Rebel Dragon: What?

LuckyDucky7too: That...that was...INTELLIGENT!

Rebel Dragon: It was?

LuckyDucky7too: Who are you and what have you done with my sister?

~silence~

Rebel Dragon: HEY!

LuckyDucky7too: Never mind. There she is. Alright, hows about this: there will be a First Team, and they will still do the distracting bit, but they will be dressed as Secret Servicemen.

Jagurandi: Ha! I feel sorry for the poor saps on the first team!

~everyone turns to look at Jagurandi~

Jagurandi: What? ... ~thinks for a moment~ _ I hate you all.

Adorkable: Good, then we’re all on the same line. ^_^

Jagurandi: Alright, then who’s with me?

~no once raises their hands~

Jagurandi: _ Buuuuuuurn.

Random Wallaby: I WILL JOIN YOU, COMRADE!

Jagurandi: You will?

Random Wallaby: Nothing if not for the joy of dressing up in a big suit!

Jagurandi: I knew I could count on you, comrade!

Random Wallaby: Comrade!

Jagurandi: Comrade!

Random Wallaby: Comrade!

Jagurandi: Comrade!

Random Wallaby: Comrade!

Jagurandi: Com--

Dark Lord: SLAVE!

Jagurandi: --master?

Little_Laurel: Thank you Master! ~thinks for a moment~ Where are you Master?

Dark Lord: You can’t see me. But oh, I’m there. ~laughs maniacally~

Jagurandi: And she’s off again, ladies and gentlemen.

Dark Lord: Jagurandi, you need to have a little meeting with my guillotine when you get back.

Jagurandi: Oh, goody! A tea party!

Dark Lord: ~slap~ Now, fools. It’s five-fifty in the morning. I’m jet lagged enough and I desire sleep. If this is not done now, there will be...consequences. ~strokes cat~

Rebel Dragon: How can we hear her stroking a cat?

Mihoshi: There are some things, RD, that go without question. This is one of them.

Adorkable: Is that all?

~silence~

KooKooNob: There’s been a lot of that lately.

Beatrice: I deserve a line!

LuckyDucky7too: Unfortunately, this is something that you can only hope for as we valiantly go on.

Beatrice: What?

LuckyDucky7too: Play tennis with Juan and Cindy.

Beatrice: Juan and Cindy?

LuckyDucky7too: Jagurandi’s imaginary friends who she blames things on.

Random Wallaby: Look look look!

KooKooNob: What what what?

Random Wallaby: Master Dark Lord Master Dark Lord Master Dark Lord!

KooKooNob: Yes yes yes?

Random Wallaby: She left she left she left!

Rebel Dragon: The king is displeased! Cut off the aristocrats head!

Little_Laurel: o_O

Rebel Dragon: What?

Little_Laurel: In that one sentence, you have single handedly demolished all that is history.

Rebel Dragon: ~laughs maniacally~

Random Wallaby: These suits!

Jagurandi: ~picks up the suit~ That girl gets around! ~is struck by lightening~ UNDERSTOOD! UNDERSTOOD!

Random Wallaby: ~puts on the suit~ Come! We must go do our fine duty!

Jagurandi: ~as the two walk off~ Let me do the talking.

LuckyDucky7too: Now, teams! Laurel and Mihoshi; me, Adorkable and KooKooNob; RD and...hey. Who’s left?

Rebel Dragon: No...one. Beatrice is staying here.

LuckyDucky7too: I cannot believe I just forgot how to add.

~Laurel, unbeknownst to LuckyD, has recorded this confession and giggles as she plans to put it on her Internet resume so that she may never leave this shit-hole of a job~

LuckyDucky7too: Well, I guess you could go alone through the air ducts. The rest of us will be back up.

Rebel Dragon: -_- You’re punishing me, aren’t you?

LuckyDucky7too: Yes. Yes I am.

Rebel Dragon: I feel as though I have incurred the wrath of a vengeful god.

LuckyDucky7too: ~fake humility~ Really? God? Never came to mind! Well, actually...ARGH! SEPARATE! RD, the mission is now entirely up to you.

Little_Laurel: So no pressure!

Rebel Dragon: ~gulps and takes off running~ I hope Jaggy and Random Wallaby did something about the suits. ~sees none~ Well...this could go either way. ~finds bullet holes in the wall~ -_- I foresee a rescue mission.

~after crawling along the walls, humming a theme song, she runs into Condoleezza Rice~

Condoleezza Rice: ~sees RD~ GUARDS!

Rebel Dragon: Damn! I mean... ~puts on a little girl voice~ I got lost from my group.

Condoleezza Rice: Group?

Rebel Dragon: ~thinks~ Come closer, biatch... ~says~ My school was here...

Condoleezza Rice: There was a school here?

Rebel Dragon: YES, BITCH! GOD! BAD ENOUGH YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON IN YOUR CHOSEN FIELD! IS YOUR CANTALOUPE SHAPED HEAD EVEN CAPABLE OF HOLDING KNOWLEDGE IN ANY FORM?

Condoleezza Rice: I’m sorry little girl, but I’ll have to throw you in the dungeons for insubordination. ~presses a button which opens the wall and makes it a doorway to a deep dungeon ala medieval times, looks at RD~ HEY! YOU’RE NOT A LITTLE GIRL! HOLY CRAP! ~fumbles for walkie talkie~

Rebel Dragon: No shit! ~kicks Condi down down down into the dungeon. A splash is heard~

Condoleezza Rice: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo! ~splash~ MELTING! I’m meeeeeeeeeelting!

Rebel Dragon: ^_^ La la la la la...~walks along the hall, pausing to remove Dick Cheney from his life support machine and siphoning all the hot air out Rummy’s head~ Extra brownie points for that. ~sees an air duct~ Ooh la la, what’s this? ~climbs in~ SHIT! ~cough, cough~ It smells like someone died up here from a politically incorrect rage and was then hidden and forgotten about by the general public by an malicious shadow government which conspires against us via the miracle of the Fox News Television network and most other leading American news sources so that they can continue their evil agenda. ~thinks for a second~ How did I just say that? ~thinks for another second~ O_o JAGURANDI IS CONTROLLING MY BRAIN! ARRRRRGH! ~crawls~ Oh, look, Al Gore. I haven’t seen him for a while. ~crawls on~

~soon, a grate with the presidential insignia comes up~

Rebel Dragon: Wow...I wonder...~kicks down the grate to find herself in the Oval Office~ MINIBAR!

Dark Lord: Well, I‘m surprised you made it thus far.

Rebel Dragon: o_O WHERE? WHERE ARE YOU?

Dark Lord: Never mind that. Look behind you.

~RD does so~

George W. Bush: Hya hya! ~watching Sesame Street~ That little red dude gets me every time!

Rebel Dragon: O_O AAAAHHHH! It’s hideous!

George W. Bush: Hello there! ~face pales~ Ok. We no tell the President I was in his office.

Rebel Dragon: Sir...with as much contempt as I am forced to admit this, you are the President.

George W. Bush: Yes, y’all don’t tell Mr. Clinton I was in hyere, y’all understand? Here’s a tenner. ~hands RD 10 bucks~

Rebel Dragon: Um...thank...you...but you’re the President! You were inaugurated three Januarys ago, putting most of the country in deep, deep shame!

George W. Bush: Oh! Was that where that cake came from? That was good cake!

~security rushes in, holding a kicking Jagurandi and Random Wallaby captive~

Security: Sir, we found these leading our best men into the pool, where they inexplicably collapsed and drowned.

~but the pool was only three feet deep...oooooook, then~

Jagurandi: You’ll never take me alive!

Random Wallaby: Or dead, for that matter! So please, don’t kill us!

Rebel Dragon: What on Earth happened to you two?

Jagurandi: Well...

Mihoshi: ~rushes in with everyone else, holding an old time film projector~ ~huff~ CUE THE ~huff, puff~ FLASHBACK SCENE!

Rebel Dragon: o_O I have no understanding of anything that has happened thus far.

LuckyDucky7too: ~speaks telepathically to RD, Jagurandi and Random Wallaby~ The cute, fuzzy, eerily annoying thing has been planted. Adorkable is blowing Beatrice up outside.

Jagurandi: When did you learn to speak telepathically? ~LuckyD glares at her~ AHHH! I HAVE SAID TOO MUCH! YOU ARE MY MASTER! ~jerks in intese pain~ AHHHH! I’M SORRY, MASTER WHO I SOLD MY FREE WILL TO FOR A CHUNK OF FUDGE THE SIZE OF A COIN! YOU ARE MY MASTER, REALLY AND FOR TRULY!

~everyone looks on~

Jagurandi: o_o I MEAN, LUCKYD IS MY MASTER! OWWWWWW! DARK LORD! LUCKYD! DARK LORD! LUCKYD! I--I-- ~sound of shattering china is heard~ Duuuuuuuh....~eyes loose all signs of life, drools~

KooKooNob: O_O Oooooook, Jagurandi’s mind broke.

Dark Lord: ~glares, pets Socks~ Now see what you did.

LuckyDucky7too: What I did? Where the hell are you in the first place?

Mihoshi: ~has set up the old time film equipment~ Flashback scene will now commence.

Little_Laurel: Um, the two telepathic-y people are in the middle of something. Is it wise to--

Mihoshi: FLASHBACK! ~froths at the mouth~

Little_Laurel: o_O Um...as I was saying...flashback...yes...~begins backing away, thinks~ I am surrounded by the mentally unstable. Wait...does that mean I am one of the mentally unstable? o_o ~says~ NO! I DO NOT WISH TO BECOME A BUMBLEBEE! Oh...God...AHHHHHHHH! ~runs out of the room, comes back from the opposite side, and the cycle begins~ NO ESCAPE! NO ESCAPE! ~bite knuckles~

KooKooNob: Movie! ~walks over, starts the machine, and mops up Mihoshi’s froth~ Goody goody! ^_^ I always aspired to be a janitor at a cinema!

~so begins the flashback. Let’s see what happened with the guards now, through the black and white, staticiky old film reek~

Jagurandi: ~walks up to a suit and nudges him in the shoulder. Random Wallaby stands in the corner acting scary~ Hey. The crow flies at six o clock tonight.

Suit: Uh...

Jagurandi: ~thinks~ Ok, try again ~says~ When the CD hits the case, a town will grow.

Son of the Suit: Who are you?

Jagurandi: ~thinks~ DAMN! Think on your feet, girl. ~says~ The football is in an unsecured position.

Suits & Son of Suits & Grandsons of Suits: O______O WHAT? WHERE, COMRADE?

Random Wallaby: ~gestures helpfully out the door~ This way! ^_^ And there’s piping hot cinnamon rolls for anyone who can find the football!

Suits & Son of Suits & Grandsons of Suits: ~nod, think~ CINNAMON ROLLS! YAY! These are good people! ~say~ Which way?

Random Wallaby: Why, you see that puddle?

Suits & Son of Suits & Grandsons of Suits: You mean the imperial pool?

Jagurandi: ~laughs~ THAT’S AN IMPERIAL POOL! HA! HOW SAD!

Suits & Son of Suits & Grandsons of Suits: ~staaaaaaaaare~

Jagurandi: Uh...~clears throat, deepens voice~ I mean...right. Those Japs got nothing on us, brother!

Suits & Son of Suits & Grandsons of Suits: ~enjoy a hearty laugh~ Yes! Yes! Those Japs! ~shoot guns into the wall in healthy male bonding~

Jagurandi: ~thinks~ LuckyD’s going to hurt me...

Random Wallaby: The piping hot cinnamon rolls are at the bottom of that puddle!

Suits & Son of Suits & Grandsons of Suits: YES! ~think for a moment~ But wait...wouldn’t they then be cold and soggy?

Jagurandi: The frosting is waterproof! So unlike those damn Russo's!

Suits & Son of Suits & Grandsons of Suits: ~enjoy a hearty laugh~ Yes! Yes! Those Russo's! ~shoot guns into the wall in healthy male bonding~

Jagurandi: ~thinks~ Wow! I never realized it before, but America is made up of evil, egotistical bastards! ~says~ Ok, I knew that. Go bury your faces in the lake and drown.

Suits & Son of Suits & Grandsons of Suits: CINNAMON! ~go to bury their faces in the lake and drown~

Jagurandi: ~looks at Random Wallaby~ That was surprisingly eas--ewww!

Random Wallaby: ~throws up on the corpses~ Groan...sorry, I’ve been sick lately.

Jagurandi: Ew...the acid is burrowing into their lifeless shells...wait...~looks closely~ ARRRRRRGH! CY-FREAKIN-BORGS!

Random Wallaby: o_o Uh-oh.

Jagurandi: Do you say that because the guards that we killed have turned into maniacal machines fixed on our ultimate death and destruction?

Random Wallaby: No...I crave...pickles...ice cream...ham...oranges...yuuuuuumy...

Jagurandi: And you wonder why you’ve been throwing up?

Random Wallaby: Sooooo hungry! ~rubs stomach~

Jagurandi: God-damn son!

Cyborgs: Bloooood...

Jagurandi: o_o Oh dear...~hoists Random Wallaby on her shoulders and starts running~

Random Wallaby: ~while being ran by Jagurandi~ Mmmm...and turkey! And other assorted carcasses! Zeeebra!

Jagurandi: ~huff~ WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?

Cyborgs: Bloooood...

Jagurandi: ~drops Random Wallaby~ Ok...huff...cannot...puff...keep going...gasp...OK, ZOMBIE CYBORG THINGIES! YOU THINK YOU CAN LIQUEFY ME INTO A LIMPID POOL OF BODILY SECRETIONS? Well, brother, you got another thing coming. ~bring it on gesture~ COME ON! COME ON!

Cyborg: Bloooood...

Jagurandi: O_O ~gets down on her knees, cries violently~ OH, MR. CYBORG ZOMBIE THINGY, PLEEEEEASE DON’T KILL ME! I DON WANNA GO TO HELL YET! WAAAAAAAAAA!

Cyborg: ~adopts a British accent, sheepishly rubs back of head~ Now, now really, miss. Have some dignity!

Jagurandi: I WANT MY MOMMMY! WAAAAAAAA!

Arnold Schwartzeneggar: Hey! Do not hurt the little girly girl! That is my job! ~liquefies the cyborg zombie thingies~ Hasta la vista, baby.

Jagurandi: Oh, oh, Arnie! How ever can I thank you for freeing all of your people and mine! ~flings herself at him~ DON’T EVER LEAVE!

Arnie: ~disgusted~ Get off me, little girly spawn of Satan.

Random Wallaby: ~sticks hand in Arnie’s pocket~ Oh! A kiwi! ~eats the kiwi~ It’s no zebra, but it’ll do!

Arnie: ~contorts face into angry expression~ You--you--~roars~ YOU ATE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGAR’S KIWI FRUIT! YOU WILL BE TERMINATED! ~grabs both by their collars~ I will take you to the President, and make you both...~dun dun dun~ REPUBLICANS!

Jagurandi + Random Wallaby: GASP!

Jagurandi: NEVER! I WAS BORN A LIBERAL!

Arnie: No more, girly thing spewed from the bowels of the Earth.

Jagurandi: I hate you.

Arnie: Thank you, ugly one.

Jagurandi: YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ME UGLY, STEROID MAN!

Arnie: WHHHHAAAAAAAAT? BE CRUSHED BY THE OVERWHELMINGNESS OF MY GERMAN HERITAGE!

Random Wallaby: I love you! You love me! We’re a happy family!

~film equipment fades out~

George W. Bush: Now, see, what kind of a movie was that? Nothing blew up! I wanna see bo-oooooo-mbs!

KooKooNob: -_-; This would explain the current political situation.

Jagurandi: DIIIIIIIIIIIE! ~kicks Arnie violently~

Arnie: You would never have guessed that I was security, would you have?

Little_Laurel: Bad -- ~squeak~ -- grammar!

Mihoshi: Now can we go?

George W. Bush: ~voice of a little child~ No! ~whips out a T-47~ I want to see something blow up!

Dark Lord: Dubya, put down the weapon.

George W. Bush: ~drops it in a panic and whips head around, eyes bulging~ Where...where are ya? Big scary voice!

Dark Lord: I would suggest that you let my team go without a fuss.

George W. Bush: What should I do?

Arnie: ~flexes~ Look at my bicep!

George W. Bush: DICKY!

Dark Lord: That is of no use, Dubya. Cheney is...dead.

George W. Bush: o_o NOOOOOO! MY BELOVED! MY BELOVED LOVER!

The team: O________________________________________________O ~backs away~

Dark Lord: That’s right. And so is your mistress, Rumsfeld!

George W. Bush: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The team: ~runs like hell~

George W. Bush: WAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Arnie: Do not cry, small weaselly man! You still have my enormous triceps!

~everyone runs until outside the building~

LuckyDucky7too: ADORKABLE! ADORKABLE! IS BEATRICE BLOWN...up...

Jagurandi: O_O WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY RUBBER CHICKEN?

Adorkable: Well, when you said “blow up” you didn’t specify and I...used...dynamite...

~Beatrice lies in shreds on the floor~

Beatrice: Groooooooan...

Rebel Dragon: BEATRICE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Little_Laurel: Deja vu!

Adorkable: But don’t worry! We can still escape! I changed into one of the suits from a corpse that wasn’t thrown up on so that we can escape on my helium filled stretchy spy outfit!

Mihoshi: I forgot I was wearing this thing. ~pulls on the suction-cup tight material~

LuckyDucky7too: Easy to do. ~shakes head~ Come on! Let’s get out of here before we’re gunned down by incompetent officials!

~and so, the gang escapes on the hot air stretchy anime spy outfit, and despite Mihoshi’s outraged cries about leaving behind expensive ancient film equipment, fly far into the sunset~

END OF CHAPTER 22

Beatrice: Med--ic...

Adorkable: Aw, suck it up, ya big baby!

Rebel Dragon: I can’t believe you blew up Beatrice!

Adorkable: I didn’t technically blow him up. This dud named Kenny from the APWDBUD did it.

Little_Laurel: The Association of People Who Drink Beer and Use Dynamite?

Adorkable: Exactly.

Jagurandi: Oh my God! He was killed by Kenny!

LuckyDucky7too: You bastard!

Random Wallaby: Does that mean we must hunt down Kenny and murder him?

Mihoshi: ~fire burns in eyes~ Does anyone know his last name?

Everyone Else: No...

Mihoshi: KooKooNob, have all people named Kenny killed immediately.

KooKooNob: ~salutes, clicks heels~ HAIL, FUHRER!

~in South Park~

Cartman: Maybe because one of us is Jeeeeew, the cows won’t be saved.

Kyle: Oh, Jesus, Cartman, that doesn’t even make sense.

~Kenny is inexplicably fried to a crisp~

Stan: Oh my God! Something killed Kenny!

Kyle: YOU BASTARD!

~and back at the...well, you know, the...wherever we do these intros/endings~

Dark Lord: ~from an unknown location~ This is just retarded, right here.

Adorkable: SO? WHAT’RE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

Mihoshi: Adorkable, why do you care?

Adorkable: Because...I am...~rips off a mask~ RONALD REAGAN!

Rebel Dragon: Dude, he’s dead!

Adorkable: HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!

Jagurandi: ~locates firearms~ KILL REPUBLICAN! HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!

LuckyDucky7too: O_O BE RATIONAL! ~runs after them~

Dark Lord: ~from thin air~ ...this is just so wrong...end this now.

Little_Laurel + Mihoshi: GUILLOTINE! ~become scared, run after everyone else~ Stop! Stooooooop!

Rebel Dragon + Beatrice: ...goodbye, city people.

AND ONCE AGAIN, THE DAY IS SAVED, THANKS TO... SCOTTISH ROMANCE NOVELS!