**I am sooo sorry about this, but I had to post it.  It is a very long and very pointless bitlet that was spurred after a conversation with my friend about folding someone up in a hospital bed.  I told her that the hospital fairies must have done it, cuz they were after her jello.  So yes, beware.  I wrote it at about four o clock in the morning…**

            Mathilde sighed, munching on leftover Jell-O.  She looked down at what she was doing, and then sighed again, pushing the bowl away.

            “I’m only eating because I’m bored,” she mumbled to herself.  The voice of her mother drifted across her mind: “Mattie, dear, you really should get out more.  You’re too pale, not to mention you’re getting a little plump.”

            Well Mathilde had no problem with staying pastel.  “Only hussies are deep blue,” she thought.  But she had no intention of letting herself go chubby.

            Mathilde was not a popular hospital fairy.  She had the worst social impediment ever: she hated the main livelihood and part of fairydom.  This even did not really have an official name, but mostly it was known as “patient taunting”.  Mathilde’s people were a plastic-like people.  Under fluorescent lighting, the males turned a deep green, while females turned a deep blue.  Subsisting mainly off Jell-o, a sport developed to obtain this food. 

            Hospital fairies were very strong.  Patient taunting required all of this strength, which is why the males dominated it.             

            Mathilde sighed yet again, preening her wings.  The frightened shriek of one of the victims floated towards her.

            Patient taunting consisted of this: a fairy would push the button of the beds, folding the patent up, and then while they were…distracted…their Jell-o cups were raided.  Then, before a nurse had been alerted, the bed was restored to normalcy.  

            Many times, humans were relocated to an insane asylum. 

            Yet it all worked.  Humans didn’t believe, didn’t want to believe, there could be a race getting the better of them. 

            The high-pitched giggle of some girls grated across her nerves.  There was no reason for them to be out there.  Female fairies were not strong enough to push the buttons, and only married women were allowed to snatch the food, because of some ancient rule.  Stupid.

            So the only reason they were out and about in the corridors was to butter up the guys.  Pitiful excuses for females.  Mathilde was disgusted.  Though she was a shut in, she spent her time wisely.  Her mother used to tan her pretty periwinkle hide if she were idle.

            “The evil monsters will find work for you if you don’t. It’s not pleasant.”

            Mathilde was experimenting secretly with the fairy diet.  Since the hospital fairies were made mostly of plastic that explained why Jell-o was so edible.  Humans were carbon based and their food was as well.  So if they were attracted to a substance akin to their own genetic makeup, why not try other plastic utensils?

            Pulling her cute fairy slippers with the fluffy white pom-poms on the end, she straightened her clothes and smoothed her hair.  She reviewed a map of the hospital momentarily and set out for the kitchens.  A few bubble-headed females giggled at her as she flew by.      

            “Ooh, Mathilde has finally ventured out!  What’s wrong? Run out of food to fatten you up?” With a light pink burning in her cheeks, making her an odd lavender.  She ignored the snipes from her peers.

            A medium green fairy flitted by and then hovered along after her.  He was slightly built and his wings beat erratically.  His face was friendly, if a bit skinny.  His features were mainly average, the border between plain and attractive.

            “Hi Johan.”

            “Mathilde, what are you doing? You never come out, and anyway, you’re going the wrong way.”  He pointed the opposite direction of her path.

            “Well, I’m not going to the east wing.”

            “But…it’s Tuesday.  That’s east wing day, you know we don’t go against the schedule, that’s banishment!”

            “I know, Johan, but I’m not out to be a petty thief.  Johan blushed slightly, not a very good color.  He looked like a tree’s nose when very drunk.  “I’m going to the cafeteria.  No one is there now, and I’m conducting and experiment.”

            “Really? Can I come?”

            “Why not? You’re the only one who doesn’t insult me to my face, besides my parents.”  Johan was shocked.

            “Of course not!  And I’m sure your sister doesn’t think badly of you…” Mathilde laughed bitterly.

            “You should hear her.  ‘Oh Mattie dearest! Isn’t my little girl cute?  You should perhaps lose some of that flab and find a nice greenie for yourself.’” Mathilde dropped the saccharine sweet tone.  “But why am I telling you this?”

            “Because I listen?”  Johan gave her a half smile and she returned it.

            “Yeah.  Here we are.  Help me grab those forks.”  She fluttered over to the plastic utensils.  A cellophane bag held sporks and a moist towelette.  Johan grabbed a plastic knife.  They flew laboriously back to Mathilde amidst stares, mutters, and half-heard jibes.  When they got to her little cubby, she invited Johan in.  Taunts floated through the air towards him.

            “Going into Ironpants lair? Brave!”

            “Johan deserves her!”  Flushing to the drunken tree color again, he quickly came in.

            “Whoa…” As he looked around, he saw shelves of books, many open on a desk that also held a computer with many wires spouting from the back, a colorful, jumbled mess.  Next he gaze fell upon a microscope hooked up to a TV.

            She tossed their loot in the corner and then started to rummage in a chest of drawers he had missed in his first scan of the room.

            “Here we go…” She pulled out a huge knife and unsheathed it.

            “Umm…where did you get that and do you know how to use it?”  Mathilde laughed.

            “It was my father’s.  He left it to me because he had no sons and he liked me better than my sister, for reasons no one knows.  As to your other question…” She whirled the machete like a small knife in gleaming circles, hissing and whooshing in the warm air.  She tossed it and Johan watched it leap like a live thing.  She caught it one handed and sheathed it.  “I got that from my dad also.”

            Johan had plastered himself to the wall while this was going on, slowly going pastel to a seasick green color.  Mathilde giggled.

            “I’d say that there’s a bit more to you than meets the eye.”  Mathilde winked.  Johan peeled himself slowly off the wall.

            “Now, this actually has a purpose.” She took the knife and hacked a small piece of the plastic knife off, cut a small piece of cellophane, and a bit of spork, just in case.  She put them in small petri dishes, then stuck them in a very odd machine which looked like it could very well do some very scary things to you, rearranging your face the least of your fears.

            “Where did you get all of this stuff?”

            “Well,” she looked around the room as the menacing machine clacked to itself, “I made some, stole other things, and managed to tap into the Internet using lots of foil.  And I get McGyver on the TV.”  Johan smiled.

            “I love McGyver.”

            “Really? Oh! It’s done.  I programmed my computer to take input directly from this.” The screen of the computer started constructing a giant cloud of sticks and little colored balls.  “Ha! I was right!”

            “Erm…about what?”

            “The molecular structure of the gelatin, our staple food, is almost identical to the compound found in the spork, as well as the knife.”

            “In real language that would be?” Mathilde stuck out her tongue.

            “Jell-o is incredibly similar to that knife.  We can eat it.”  Johan walked over to the plundered, flimsy knife with its tip sheared off.  He tipped it up and bared his pointy little teeth.  He tore a chunk off and crunched.  His eyes widened as his eyebrows shot up.

            “It’s good!”  Mathilde flew around the ceiling, hooting.  She came down and kissed Johan, then stepped back, aghast.

            “I’m…I’m sorry, I don’t know what got into me.”  Johan swallowed.

            “No…no problem.”  They were both blushing, then Mathilde cleared her throat.

            “Well, we better go share the good news.”  She smoothed down her clothes and absentmindedly raked her hair back, a lavender shock of silky stuff, akin to saran wrap.  Johan nodded as he scratched his head.

            “Let’s go.”  Mathilde gathered up various documents and printouts, bolstering herself.

            “Here we go…”

            Both with stacks of paper and a sizeable chunk of plastic spork, they fluttered out into the greenish glow of the cheap bulbs.  Putting her load down, Mathilde waved her arms around and shouted, “Everybody!  Listen up!  We’ve solved the problem of our nomadic life!   No longer will we have to move from hospital to hospital, trying to find a niche where we can glean a living from the terror-driven humans.  We can live in one place from now on!”

            That brought the fairies up short.  Almost all were skeptical, but all were curious.

            “Oh yeah?  How about an explanation of this miraculous turn around?  And what’s so bad about our life now?”  This was spoken by a bulky, forest green male.

            “Every year we have to move.  There is no sense of permanence, no real feel of home.  Everyone must abandon their perfect alcoves…” Some ladies were nodding, their matron-like buns bobbing, “abandon favorite hide outs and shortcuts…”the kids were nodding and muttering to themselves, “and leave behind keepsakes.  Like trophies!”  This final jab shook the narcissistic males in the crowd. 

            “Okay then, if you have such great idea, tell us what it is.”

            “Yeah!”

            “I bet you’re lying!”

            “Everybody SHUT UP!”  Johan’s wings were spread and he was breathing hard.  “If everyone would just shut up and listen with an open mind, maybe we could actually get somewhere.  So shush.”  He motioned for Mathilde to continue.  She nodded.

            Mathilde unrolled a printout of molecular structures.  “Okay…” Everyone fell silent and watched while she spouted out amazing, never before seen concepts.  When Johan started handing out chips of the spork, they all accepted on.  “Try it!”  Mathilde encouraged.

            The other fairies stared at it for a minute and then nibbled at their pieces.  There was a crunching noise as people looked at each other.   They all looked back at their hands.

            The kids shoved the rest in their mouths quickly and started crunching loudly.

            “Mmmm!”

            All the fairies followed suit, and Johan and Mathilde took a deep breath. 

* * *

            Patient taunting fell into disrepute and Mathilde and Johan married eventually.  More and more young fairies wanted to learn about the Internet, but most adults wanted to learn about McGyver.

            And they all lived happily ever after. Well, except for the jocks.

** I told you it was bad.  Review and tell me so!**