A/N: Dedicated to Sara K., the angel who should have lived.

"My Goddess"
an original fic by SchizoAuthoress

[I was cross-eyed/Under your drug/Schizo savior/My messiah/Fatal worship/You inspire]

You were the friend of everyone who didn't have a friend. And I...

I was just another one of the loners who was drawn to you so irresistably. But I was a little different. I was scared of you, because you were the first girl I ever really fell in love with. You were so beautiful and perfect...you were the things that I had always wanted to be. And I knew that I could never compare.

We became friends easily, and you laughed at all the right times, and empathized at all the right times. You had a dad who loved you so much that he'd sneak you off campus at lunchtime...and then I'd feel so lonely for that hour you were away. I called you a lucky bitch and you took it as a compliment. It always was, and you knew it.

I thought that I'd be going away to a prepatory school next year. You signed my yearbook and we said we'd keep in touch over the summer.

And then you died...

You died on my birthday. Some sick little plot twist that I would come up with to torture a character in one of my stories happened in my life that day.

But I believed that you were alive. That I would see you next year.

I didn't even know you were gone until I read your obituary in the paper. And I still don't really believe it; because what is the newspaper but some ink printed on tree fibers? I didn't see you die. I didn't hold your hand...

No one did.

You died alone.

God, why did You let her die alone? You didn't even let her father share her last moments....

And so, when I feel especially like hurting myself, I don't pick up a kitchen knife, or a razor blade, or a bottle of pills. I take out my sophmore annual and run my fingers over what you wrote there in the upper right corner of the very first page.

"Don't forget me when you go to your new school. I'll miss your jokes and your witty poems hardcore. Sara"

I never forgot, Sara. And I never will.