I stumble through life
Hiding my pain
Hiding my rage, and my resentment
Hiding my wrists
Hiding my sexuality
Hiding my irritation
Hiding my confusion
Hiding my true self
Fearing judgment
Fearing to make it worse
Fearing the idea of being deemed insane
Of bringing my self-worth lower
Of sinking into the quicksand of sin
Being thrown in my path
Which I know is not that of the righteous
Because I'm gay
And I like it
Because I feel hate
Every now and then
Enough to be tainted
Because I self-destruct
In various ways
Or think about it
Way too often
Because sometimes I'm way too addicted
To things I shouldn't be
Because part of me wants to reject God
The way he's rejected me
And part of me says, "Fuck it all, why does it matter?"
And is slowly trying to dominate what's left
Of the innocence in the two year old child I was
Who put a scarf on her head
To imitate a drawing of Mary in her Children's Bible Story Book
Because my creator was all I knew about
Until I was stumbled by his and my enemy
And somehow I lost the way back
And don't have the sense to ask for directions
And when I die with this wicked system of things
My gravestone will read
'She tried. But not like she could have. So don't miss her.'
Undersigned by Satan
And everyone will agree I deserved nothing
Unless I change that now
But I'm so used to hiding
I don't know how to seek what's right
And the truth remains my final hope
But what should be the easiest thing in the world
Still remains the hardest