The Story of Troy and Promiscuous

Our story begins many, many centuries ago, in the ancient empire of Greece, in the city of Athens. In this city, there was a young girl named Promiscuous, who was so beautiful and so virtuous that she was said to be the daughter of the gods themselves. Her multitudinous qualities caused the infatuation of many a young man. But, Promiscuous was very chaste and very pure, and believed that intimate relationships outside the bond of matrimony were evil, or at the very least to be heavily frowned upon. Her firm beliefs managed to dissuade most of her young suitors, to the relief of her father, a very protective wine-merchant. However, there was one young man by the name of Troy who refused to be discouraged. Thanks to his good looks and abundant charm, he had always been very successful with young ladies, thus becoming the greatest fear of every parent who had a daughter in the entire town. Yes, young women were repeatedly warned against Troy, yet somehow he still managed to amaze his friends with stories of his frequent conquests, as they all sat around their usual table in the local tavern.

It was during one such soiree that Troy heard about the seemingly untouchable Promiscuous. Then and there, he made a vow to his companions: "Brothers," he said, raising his cup high, "I vow to be the first to introduce this young woman you speak of, Promiscuous, to the pleasures of the flesh!!" He then threw back the rest of his wine and slammed the cup back onto the table amid cheers, ribald laughter, and shouts of "Good luck, you old dog!" The entire evening following this decisive, if somewhat inebriated, declaration was spent giving advice to Troy on how to go about achieving his goal, advice that was unfortunately lost sometime during the night and completely forgotten by the next morning, as Troy awoke with a pounding headache and a disturbing churning in his stomach. He decided to take a walk outdoors to clear his foggy mind. He quickly slipped into his toga and leather sandals, and headed out. As he was walking through the gardens, he happened upon a young woman, who was sitting by a little pond, tossing crumbs to some ducks. Troy immediately stopped in his tracks, as the full extent of her beauty hit him. She had long, flowing, hair, as golden as the Sun; her eyes were wide and innocent, the perfect blue of the Mediterranean Sea; her skin looked as smooth and creamy as... well, as cream. Even sitting down, she looked graceful and elegant. Troy swallowed hard, realizing that this must be Promiscuous, the girl his friends has described in such exhaustive detail the night before. Troy took a deep breath and went over to sit down beside her. She looked at him, startled. She was used to having young men approach her, but never had they been quite so... attractive. This lad was tall and slim; his hair was dark, almost black, and very shiny; his deep brown eyes sparkled in the sunlight; his dark skin looked soft; he radiated sensuality and... Promiscuous mentally shook herself. It was unclean for one to have such thoughts about young men one was not married with. She gazed at him levelly, and inquired: "Yes? May I help you?" The young man smiled seductively. "My name is Troy," he replied, "and I believe I haven't made your acquaintance yet..." Upon hearing his name, Promiscuous became increasingly guarded. She had heard many stories about this Troy, none of them flattering. But, as she was a polite and well-bred young lady, she pursued the conversation civilly: "No, you have not. I am Promiscuous, pleased to meet you." Troy smiled at her, and once more she was overcome by his undeniable good looks, so much so that she said something very rash and unlike her: "Would you like to throw crumbs with me?" Troy's smile widened. "I would love to," he replied. She handed him a piece of bread, and shivered involuntarily in delight as their fingers brushed. Troy noticed her reaction with satisfaction and for the next little while contrived to brush up against her, accidentally, of course, as often as possible.

Eventually, Troy ran out of crumbs to feed the ducks, so he turned to Promiscuous to ask what she wanted to do next, since they were so obviously enjoying each other's company. When he spoke her name and she turned to him, Troy was suddenly swamped by the desire to kiss her. Being of a very impulsive nature, he did just that. Taken aback, it was a long moment before Promiscuous reacted by slapping him hard across the face. Troy gasped in pain and reared back. Imagine his surprise when he realized he had, perversely, enjoyed being hit! As a child, he had never known much discipline, and by his charming nature had never been involved in fist- fights with his peers. And now this... Urgently, he told Promiscuous to hit him again, which, in her fury, she was quite capable to do, then again and again. Troy was now breathing hard and had a small trickle of blood running down from the corner of his mouth, but his eyes were alive and smouldering with excitement and passion. Promiscuous, somewhat coming back to her senses, looked at him in amazement. It was then that she did something truly astonishing. She leaned over and kissed Troy with a fervour she hadn't known she possessed, and they both spent the next few hours discovering whole new sides to themselves.

A few weeks later, on a sunny day much like the one when he'd had his revelation, Troy was sitting in his house enjoying a leisurely meal, when there came a knock at his door. It was Promiscuous, and Troy could tell by her face that she came bearing bad, maybe even catastrophic, news. He invited her in with a vague feeling of impending doom knotting his insides. He carefully closed the door behind her and turned around to hear what she had to say. "Troy," she began shakily, "I came to tell you that I... I a- am with... with child. Your child." Troy felt his knees buckle, and sank to the floor as darkness overcame him.

Slowly, Troy opened his eyes, and saw above him the worried face of Promiscuous. All of a sudden, her news came back to him, and it was all he could do to keep from giving in to the darkness again. Taking a few breaths to steady himself, Troy climbed to his feet and made his way to the nearest chair, inviting Promiscuous to do the same. It was she who broke the silence : "My parents say I have disgraced them, and that I can no longer stay in their home," she said, blinking back tears, "They even say I've given a whole new meaning to the name Promiscuous! I don't know what to do, where to go... What will we do?" Troy thought for a moment, fighting back the panic that threatened to overtake him, and proposed the first solution that came to mind: "Well, I suppose we could leave, you and I, and maybe a few others. We could leave and... And found our own city!" Enthusiasm filled him at the thought. "That's what we'll do! It's perfect! We'll take my boat, and sail to unknown lands, where we'll found a city with no rules, where anyone can live!" He grinned widely then took Promiscuous' hands, who felt the same joy and hope rising inside her, and they danced wildly across the room until they both felt faint and slightly nauseated. It took a few minutes, but immediately after catching their breath and regaining their balance and ability to see straight, they sat down and began planning their escape from Athens.

After about two weeks of exhausting preparations, made even more tedious by the necessary secrecy and all the disagreements between Troy and Promiscuous (the main one surrounding the amount of wine that was really vital to their survival in another land), they were finally ready to leave. They were to bring with them a few of Troy's friends, male and female, who were fed up with all the social obligations they had to live up to in Athens, and were planning on leaving secretly in the middle of the night. Promiscuous had thought this very dangerous, as they wouldn't be able to see the rocks and such, but Troy assured her that he and his friends were competent sailors, and that no harm whatsoever would befall them.

And so, our heroes left Athens and their old life behind, sailing across what we now call the Aegean Sea and settled in the land now known to us as Turkey. They built their town on the coast, as none of the pilgrims had any desire to carry their belongings any further. Life was happy there, simple and uneventful. The settlers were now free to live out their wildest dreams and desires without the fear of social ostracism that had always been weighing on their conscience back in Greece. Yes, everything seemed perfect. After a few months though, Promiscuous astutely realized that their village didn't have a name. A referendum was held, and it was unanimously decided that the colony would be known as "Troy", partly because it was his idea to found a city in the first place, but mainly because his was the shortest and easiest name to spell. A few months later, Promiscuous gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, which she named Helen. In the years that followed, the population of Troy grew at an astounding rate : all the women in the village routinely gave birth to children, many of which bore a striking resemblance to Troy, some not at all (for example, Promiscuous' second child, a boy, had green eyes and flaming red hair). Eventually, the citizens of the Trojan city decided they had better develop some form of birth control before things got out of hand. So they did. These inventions became wildly popular, forcing the city of Troy to open trade routes with other cities, causing it to expand even more as people flocked there, in search of freedom and something new. And the rest, as they say, is history.