Chapter Two – This is Dedicated to the Unknown Chapter

After a long hard swim, taking the left at Greenland, Charlie arrived in America. He landed on Plymouth Rock that is owned by Pilgrims & Sons incorporated. They fined him $25,000 for trespassing and he shot them repeatedly in the knees. Both sides left unhappy, one side also left several pints of blood. After paying this fine with the mighty pound sterling (the exchange rate being 1 pound sterling = 33.21 dollar eagles) Charlie set sail for Las Vegas. After several days of sailing he realised that he hadn’t left the habour so he decided to go they’re by car, car being a nearby port. He travelled the short distance to Las Vegas arriving three weeks later. He changed all his liquid money and some of his gassy money into chips and headed for the Casinos. There he bet everything on red but red was shot after failing at the first. Charlie was told that the shooting of horses is not acceptable behaviour for a guest. Andrew Guest was arrested for the shooting and executed after lunch. Lunch having been convicted earlier in the day for refusing to address his mail properly, he insisted on calling it post. As he thought things couldn’t get any worse they did. He slipped on a banana skin and was sued by a company representing a company that represents people who want companies to represent them. Charlie failed to show up at the hearing or even hear the showing up. He was fined $238 million and sentenced to seven years as a janitor. This case was later thrown out of the appeal court for trying to touch one of the stripping appeal court judges. Back at the casinos Charlie thought that maybe his luck had changed but apparently it was just a trick of the light. Still after several hours of hard playing and a couple hours of soft working he was a billionaire. And so Charlie decided to do the thing that most poor Americans can only dream about, he wiped his arse with hundred dollar bills. After running out of hundred dollar bills he used the waistcoats of the bellboys, what he wouldn’t have given for some decent toilet paper. Apparently there was a shortage due to a poor harvest or something like that, Charlie didn’t really pay much attention for obvious reasons. And so with his new found wealth and criminal record…wait I just got a feeling of déjà vu…anyway with his new found wealth and criminal record. There it is again! Wait, can you even have déjà vu twice? While you think about that I will rob your house…no just kidding I obviously don’t know where you live…yet.  So what happened to Charlie I hear you ask? …Maybe not. Well I’ll tell you anyway. Charlie did the only logical thing he could do with his new found wealth…He went to Hollywood…

Author’s note: The next chapter hasn’t been written at the time of writing this so I can’t really give you any clues as to what will be within it. Though I can say it will mostly probably insult and offend those who want to be insulted and offended. And won’t insult or offend those who are incapable of being insulted or offended. I am not sure whether it will insult and offend those capable of being insulted and offended but usually aren’t, depends entirely on your attitude to the content of breakfast cereals. I think it is suffice to say that the next chapter will contain letters and the usual word anything more than that would be more than that and that is not something I am prepared to prepare.