Everything’s Okay Now

Soft lips left a fragile mark against the clean glass as she lifted it away. Her brown eyes opened and stared up at the ceiling as she thought. The girl leaned against her bedroom wall and slid down so she sat on the floor. The glass of water hung by the rim pressured between the tips of her fingers. She sighed deeply and cast her chocolate eyes to the ground, now looking at slate gray carpeting. She began to think. Her mind started to fill with dark thoughts.

Why was she here? Why was she even born into this pathetic world? She didn’t belong there. She wasn’t any good at living. She had little of a social life. No one did seemed like true friends to her. They were just people she knew and could talk to once and a while… at least, if they listened. Sometimes it was if she wasn’t even there, and no one even seemed to really care about that either. She never had a boyfriend. She had no one close enough to even come close to one. It was really a shame too; she had always wanted someone to hold her kindly. Maybe even leave something as a simple kiss on her lips…  But no, she didn’t know what it was like to have someone love her in that way. She probably wouldn’t ever either.

Her lips curled to a dark and cold smile as she thought that. Oh well… She took another sip of water and continued to think.

So she didn’t have anything of a social life… that meant she would at least have a good future, right? So much free time to study and work. No, she wasn’t even good in school. She had been, once. Once, before her mind had begun do darken and her feelings began to fade. She wasn’t even a B average student. She tried. She knew how important everything about school was. She wanted to be able to have good chance at living a decent life with a good career, one acquired through hard work in school and decent accomplishments. But nothing clicked for her. Math was never really one of her favorite subjects. Her focus of studies wasn’t faring all that well either. C’s and D’s were all she had gotten for the work she put in.

She shook her head and ran a hand through her hair, getting loose strands out of her face. She rested her head against the wall, and her eyesight blurred slightly. She began to get sleepy. Tired. So tired. She blinked a couple times and her vision focused again. She looked over to the clock on her table. 1:47 A.M.  She buried herself in musings again.

Her family suddenly came up. She knew that she was lucky. Luck to have such a wonderful family. They were always there for her when she needed them the most. They always seemed to care. Happy and always so good together. Not very many families were like that nowadays. She thought of other people. People like her. Except those people were a lucky as her. Abusive families, neglect, no family at all? She was more fortunate. But for some reason, the thought didn’t brighten her spirits even in the slightest bit. She had duties in the family, as most families would assign to able ones in their household. She couldn’t even get all of her chores done in the house. Trying to do all her schoolwork, then trying to get her part done. Sometimes it just would want to work the way it was supposed to, it was either one or the other would be left unfinished, maybe even both. It made her seem as if she didn’t care about things like that. She knew how special her family was, and she tried. She would get some of it done, but it just wasn’t enough. She would constantly get in trouble for not doing what she was told. They wouldn’t listen to why; they had heard her excuse a thousand times over.

She wasn’t good enough to amount to anything. No matter how you looked at it, it was all the same. She just wasn’t good enough.

So what did it matter? A shiver took her by surprise. She shook it off and arched her back, trying to relieve some of the new pain from the slouch she had as she sat.

What did it matter? The expression on her face lightened a little bit. Everything’s all okay now. Well, it would be. Soon. Moments from now everything would just wash away like footprints on a beach. Her problems would be swept away like a dry leaf on an autumn breeze. She closed her eyes with thoughts of every bit of darkness disappearing as it did when the morning sun rose. Like the beginning of a new day.

She took one long deep breath, and her eyes drifted shut as everything began to die away. Finally her eyes were closed and all she could see was darkness. Her grip had loosened and the water glass fell to the floor spilling the remains of her drink onto the carpet. The water seeped in and spread out around her feet and reached the open bottle of pills she had taken just a few moments earlier. Everything’s okay now…