Author’s Note: For my mother, in regards to whom I have regretted much, and to all the people I’ve ever hurt, for you’ve made me learn that in hurting you, I hurt myself as well. This poem was penned a year or two ago, and reflects on a time when my life wasn’t sunshine and daisies. (And, come to think of it, butter mellow.)

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1.

In the end

Will it be worth this?

Will you turn to me

And smile

Or ask me why

I let this go on.

I wash the blood from my hands

And long for

Sweeter moments of madness

When I can stare at the sky

And contemplate the stars

Instead of remembering

Always

What went wrong.

2.

The loss

Of everything I thought I knew

The gain

Of everything I thought I wanted

I hear your words

Telling me to let it go.

Why can’t I ignore you

And hold onto what I thought

Was knowledge, was forever?

A fleeting glimpse of imagery

And shattered glass

Lost, but not forgotten.

3.

Returning what I thought was right

Only to feel

Cold comfort

Nostalgic solace.

Intangible

Tentative mindframes

Solidity vanished

As if never there-

And I never knew

I cared.

What do I stand to gain

From the nothingness

Entombing me

In momentary sanity?