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In a town far far away. In some bar that only a few lost Irishmen knew of...
"Uh, yeah...um I'm not Irish and I know of this here bar and I'd like to know why."
Why, that's an all to easy question. Either deep in your roots you have some Irish in you, or the bartender will pull out a shotgun in a matter of seconds and make you a smoldering pile of rotting jelly. Which would you prefer?
"Uh, deeps roots of Irish blood."
Well, for back-talking to the narrator, mwah, you shall suffer deep consequences. Pull it out lad.
"One pile of jelly coming up." remarked the barkeeper named lloyd.
"Wait, uh I'm actually Irish. I just wanted to see what the guy would say. Besides, from what I understand, you guys can't shoot your kin. How do like d'em apples?"
*BOOM*
"Apple-sauce bitch" came the unneccesary reply from Lloyd.
Now then, on with the story. This bar was no ordinary bar. It was meant to be a home for certain Irish in need of a quick, home-style, drink. Plus it had a love-tester machine. Does your bar have one? Huh? thought not. This bar had 3 main people, the others were little cock-smokers who after they paid their bill would get shot. Anyway, these 3 were Lloyd, the barkeeper; Guy-on-the-pool-table; and the main attraction, The Irish Guy.
"I'll tell ya Lloyd," Came the Irish Guy's voice. "That bar had the cleanest bathrooms ever. So I thought to myself, 'What would Lloyd tell me to do?' and then it hit me. I got drunk, threw-up all over the stalls, in both bathrooms, and ditched the bill."
"Gutsy" said the guy-on-the-pool-table.
"By the way, what is your name?" asked Lloyd wearily. "Your title is to long."
"Simple lass, it's..."
"Wait a sec, did you just call me a lass?" Started Lloyd, now getting pumped.
"Why of course I did, It's opposite gender day. Can't you tell that I'm dressed up like a little chicky?"
"Hey, Lloyd, toss me another beer will ya." said Irish Guy.
"Get it yourself. I gotta beat this bitch. No one calls me a lass and gets away with it."
"Cheer up Lloyd" started the guy-on-the-pool-table. "Besides if you didn't want to be called a lass, then you should dress up like a guy for a change. Oh, and one other thing..."
*BOOM*
Oh nice going Lloyd. Now we gotta find a new third character. ~sigh~. Well. We'll see you folks next time.
"For the last time Lloyd. Toss me a beer damnit!"
"You wanna be next buddy?"
"Hmmmmmmm...I'll pass. G'night Lloyd"
