A Week Ago...

I look out over the city below me, stretched out like a sea of stars in an ocean of night. The lights shine so brightly that I can't help but turn away, I can't look at anything so...beautiful...any longer.

A week ago I would have stood here, on the roof of this huge building, for hours on end, watching the stars move about through the concrete sea far below me, wondering if there was something...anything...down there that was meant for me. Now I can't bear to look at so many lights; such a huge place, with no hope of ever finding anything. My own home is too large for me to feel safe, how could I see this entire world as a haven?

A week ago I could have laughed with my friends at school, talked with them about nothing at all and been content; but, like the sea/city below me, it isn't something I can stand any longer.

I stepped back up onto the conctrete wall surrounding the roof, this time closing my eyes to protect myself from the beauty that isn't meant for me. This place that was never made for someone so...weak.

A week ago I smiled as my best friend giggled. "I finally got to see a picture of him - he's so hot!" she laughed, chatting about a boy she met over the internet.

I nodded, as usual, and let her ramble on about this boy. A boy that I don't like. I boy that I didn't approve of, who was changing her into someone that I no longer wanted to associate with. It all felt so pointless, so empty. Wasn't there a reason for us to be here? Wasn't there anything else beside what she kept talking about?
I didn't know then, but I do now.

I let my eyes open once more, letting the light of the city blind me once more. I want to se it...one last time...before I let the world know the truth. There is nothing here. There's no reason for any of it - there's nothing here for anyone. I know that now. I think I've known it all along, and I was just too scared to say so.

I take a deep breath and lean forward, the scent of the lights - they have a scent, you know, although most people can't catch it - and the cars reach me just once more. I'll miss this place, I think. I don't know, but I might.
I fall.

As the world overtakes me, I feel tears come to my eyes. Are they caused by the wind or by my own unseen sorrow and regret? I'll never know now.

The ground is rushing closer to me, the lights slowly taking for as cars and windows and sometimes people. I clench my teeth, prepared for what I know is to come.

A week ago I would not have done this. A week ago I knew I was alive.
the ground is too close now...people can see me. I takke one more breath and let out my last word.

"...Goodbye."