Me: Alright. I haven't updated since August 10th of last year... I went a week and three days without writing anything... My Microsoft Word program is down so I'm using notepad... And I haven't eaten anything but yak putty in twelve days.

Tom: All of it's true. Well, of course, except for the last part...

Me: But yeah. You all know how insane I am. I've been having writer's block with this forever and just sort of... cut all ties with it, hoping no one would notice. No such luck. So I realized that the thing I should start up with again (cause I haven't written for a week and three days) is the thing that gives me the most trouble. So here we are.

Tom: I even want to know how the hell this one's gonna work out.

Me: Well, I have many ideas but none of them really seem right... So I'm gonna just put my fingers to the keys and let it flow and writing should. After all, that's pretty much how I've been coasting through this entire fic ^_~

Tom: *an arm around her* So on with the show!

Me: *an arm around him* And remember...

Both: Read and tell Me(Her) how much I(She) suck(s)!!!!

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I remembered thinking of a time when I was hardly even five years old. Every night, my father would come home from work and I would run to meet him at the door, giggling, my raven hair flying wildly behind me. I'd throw my arms out wide, crying, "DADDY! DADDY'S HOME!" And I swear, I swear to God, he would smile the smallest smile as he lifted me up and hugged me. I felt so perfect when my father picked me up and held me in what I must have thought were his strong arms. I remember feeling complete and utter peace.

But then, one night, a completely normal night, mind you, when I was nine or ten... I came into the hallway, dragging my feet sullenly but silently and passing the front door in favor of possible milk and cookies in the kitchen. But something caught in the corner of my eye and pulled me to turn and look.

There stood my father, gray overcoat too big for his sunken body, water drizzling from his hair onto the lenolium of the front hall. His eyes stared into mine from the backs of their sockets. We just gaped at each other for the longest time. He opened his mouth to say something but only managed to form the word on his lips and not really speak it before my mother came clicking in her Stillettos down the hall. My father and I both turned and went our separate ways; I to my room, he to the basement with the secret liqour. It was only when I'd shut the door behind me that I'd realized he had said the words, "Daddy's home."

I was nine and a half when I lost faith and awe in my father, which is much earlier than most little girls do. The cold realization of that had washed over my body, too young to understand the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. But I'd always remembered the cold, hard reality running over me like sheets of rain. And I knew I was feeling it again.

Even my feet froze over in my heavy winter boots. He just stood there, so beautiful, a look of annoyance and knowledge crossing over his face. I couldn't even begin to explain the kiss that still lingered on my lips. That kiss... From Tom...

Every time I tried to speak, my eyes got caught in Thanatos' flaxen hair and I wished my fingers were there. I couldn't tear my thoughts away from his body. And I continued to go under as the cold filled me up.

"Amaya..." He said softly, drawing me near with his eyes. I lifted my head and leaned toward him. He wanted me, I knew it. He was jealous. He loved me...

"Hey, fuck off!" Tom... That was Tom. 'Tom, who?' I heard part of me ask. Thanatos' eyes tore from mine and locked completely with Tom's. He smiled and bowed a little by only bending his neck.

"Tom. Of course. I should have expected you to do this. To fill her mind with false dreams and tainted realities. I know what you've done. Made her believe you care. Well, listen, boy... False dreams don't hold a candle to beautiful nightmares."

Tom stood, knocking over his glass and I almost jumped when it hit the floor at my feet.

"Shut up! You don't know the first thing about me!" Tom's eyes narrowed, "--Or her... So why don't you just get the hell out of here because I don't feel like beating the shit out of you--"

Thanatos, like lightning, gripped Tom by the shirt and slammed him hard against the adjacent wall. I felt myself cry out and heard the others in the bar stir and murmer.

"I think it's time... for us to have a little show-down..." Thanatos' voice was deepened, hollowed. I watched him watching Tom, who was running his tongue over his bloody, bottom lip.

"Get the fuck out of her life..." I heard Tom choke. "She doesn't need you. You've only made it unbearable."

"Oh, really?" Thanatos raised an eyebrow and grinded Tom's shoulders into the wall with his strong hands. "And you think you can do better?" He leaned in close and asked loudly, "Didja fuck her yet? Do you want to? Hell, you could probably do it right here and she'd let you! Isn't that right, you goddamn slut?!"

It took me a minute to realize that this comment was directed towards me but Tom had already rammed his fist into Thanatos' jaw and the fight had begun. Tom got in a few good hits but Thanatos was barely scratched as Tom lay broken on the floor. The angel pushed back his magnolia locks, brown with dirt and Tom's blood, and pressed the heel of his boot to Tom's jugular. The boy on the ground sputtered.

"Now, I want you to listen to me, boy..." Thanatos pressed down harder to ensure that his command was met. "You may be the type of guy who'd bring her flowers on Valentines Day and point out glass for her to walk around but when it comes to me, baby, there's no one else. She can't imagine living without me and she won't have to. So why don't YOU just fuck off."

He lifted his foot and Tom rolled over onto his side. The sputtering seemed to have formed actual words but all I could hear Tom saying was, "No... no... no..."

Suddenly a hand clamped down on my wrist and I was pulled from the bar stool where I'd watched all the carnage. I fell forward immediately and realized that I was leaning against the strong body of my guardian angel. My head rested on his chest and my hands clumsily clung to his waist. My guardian angel... He'd... he'd protected me... Had he protected me?

Thanatos pulled at my arm and I felt us move forward towards the door of the bar. My shoe grazed something on the floor and I looked down, gasping. Tom's face stared up at me his hand trying to cover all the bloody gashes that lined his flawless face. His blue eyes were filled with tears and his soft, pink lips were twisted in a grimace of pain.

"A... Amaya..."

With a final jerk, Thanatos yanked my arm and pulled me out the door. As we turned the corner into an alleyway, the sky burst open with thick rain, just as it had the night on my roof. The angels... The angels were crying...

Suddenly, he twisted my arm again and I fell against a brick wall in the alley. He pressed his body against mine, water drenching his hair and face and he cried, "What the fuck, Amaya?! Who did you THINK you WERE, who I was?! Is this all a GAME to you?! Well, listen up, sweetie... You've got to learn who you belong to... And trust me, when I'm through with you, you'll NEVER forget..."

"No..." Had I said that or did I merely think it? It didn't matter because he hadn't heard me anyway... Everything spun and I began to cry. As he pressed his lips against mine, so hard he could have cut my mouth, I listened to the rain beat down on us and I wondered if the angels really did cry...

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And I dreamed again. After the night (and my angel) had worn me ragged. I remember turning around and around in a lush, green forest, like the ones they filmed those Lord of the Rings movies in. Soft hues of full green everywhere and I only wanted to reach out and touch all that was beauty. Then a dark shadow fell over me and I heard a familiar voice.

"How goes the life, Alice?" The Cheshire Cat grinned down at me from a tree branch covered with moss. I nodded in recognition and simply stated,

"It's painful."

"So it seems..." His eys trailed down my body and I realized how torn and fragile I must have seemed. "And Death?"

"I don't fear Him anymore, if that's what you mean..." I sighed. "He can do what he wants to me. I just..."

"Don't tell me you haven't managed to put together the pieces of this puzzle, Alice..." He looked at me scornfully. His eyes darkened and his lips moved to a voice that was not his own.

"'Amaya, I love you. I have... ever since I met you... I love you. And I want you to be the one.'"

"Tom." I said, only because the voice was blatantly obvious and not because of the words of love he had spoken.

"Yes..." Tilting his head to the side, my companion on the tree branch peered at me through hooded eyes and grinned. "He loves you, you know."

"And I love him." I nodded. Again, to me, this only seemed to be obvious fact rather than a revelation.

"Oh, I know, Alice. He could be good to you..." The cat trailed off and flicked the air with his tail. After a pause, he whispered ominously, "But when it comes down to Love or Death... You know who you'll beg at the mercy of."

I paused as things began to form themselves in my brain. I could never leave my angel. And I never would. I was forced to stay under his jagged wings until they tore me to shreds, which I was sure would soon. Turning frantically to the cat, I cried,

"Oh God! How-- How-- do I stop?! How do I get away?!"

The Cheshire Cat grinned down at me and stated simply, "You're damned, Young Alice... And the only way out of purgatory... is to break these chains that bind you." Laughing, he said, "Ah, but they are... strong... chains..."

The cat in the tree laughed wildly as I felt myself being pulled into the lush carpet of moss at my feet. I couldn't scream, couldn't cry... Could only hear the cat's maniacal laughter as I was pulled farther into everlasting perdition.

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Me: Alright, I'll try to have another chapter out for you guys by... uh... soon. But I'm getting back into the flow of things. God, this story's flurking weird.

Tom: Circus peanut?

Me: Thanks. *munch* *to readers* Please review... and thanks SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much for waiting around for this chapter. Hope it was worth the wait. ^_~