AN: This is the beginning of where I chose to start my story of my pitiful life. Hope you can at least enjoy reading it, since my living it doesn’t seem to give me any feeling; only a numbness that I didn’t think could go on any further. I was wrong, or as you’ll see if you read on….

It was a pretty good day, or at least a pretty good day for December. It was sunny and we actually had a blue sky with beautiful shape shifting clouds. I absolutely was thrilled to have this blessed day, than to be stuck in the house with nothing to do. Sure I wanted it to snow, didn’t every kid? Think of the snow ball fights I could have, the days of school I would miss, and most importantly the time I could get to do what I most desired; to write and read. Most of my friends thought I was pretty weird. I’m a reading and writing fanatic, a gothic wannabe, rock & roll listener, and a girl who wanted to be like the characters in the books she read. Most of my friends thought I had it all, a great family, I got what I wanted, or so they thought, I had the best friends, and I was getting good grades.

The horrible fact was that I wasn’t getting good grades. Little did they know, I was actually failing this semester, but of course they wouldn’t ask me about my boring pitiful life. They’d rather go on with their preppy ways, their obnoxious acts, and their cliques, that of course, didn’t involve me. All of my supposed friends left me for the snotty popular girls. I was left behind. To brood in my own silence. To be left in the coldness. To feel what nobody should be feeling. To be treated like I was lower than scum. Lower than the most horrible thing that you could imagine. You could see it in their eyes when they looked at me. The disgust at how I dressed so unlike they did. The revolting look in their eyes that said they didn’t like my personality, but the true fact was that they never tried to get to know me. Never. Not once. Ever.

I wouldn’t think of killing myself, although I must admit I have thought about it. It’s always been in the back of my head. Fact is, it’s still there. I’ve done some things that my parents would consider terrible. Horrible. I didn’t consider it that. I considered it great even. I still do. What horrible considered thing I did you ask?

              *****************Flash back**************

I went into chat rooms and got online boyfriends. No big deal? My parents nearly had a heart attack when they found out I had one. Matter of fact my mother looked like she was going to pull all of the hair off of her head when she found out that I had over one hundred guys on my buddy list, all of them were from chat rooms. She forbids me to go on there. I was enraged. I put on my fake smile and nodded my head, and begged for forgiveness. She eventually forgave me.

After about a week or two I went back. She caught me again. She grounded me, but in my head I thought that was a fair punishment. Too fair actually. Of course I wouldn’t argue. She thought I would stop. I didn’t. That summer I was sent to be with my aunt, while my parents worked. I happily agreed. I loved my aunt! She was basically a second mother to me. While I was there I had some good times. I saw other relatives that I wouldn’t ordinarily see, and I got asked out for real, and for the first time in my life. I told him that I’d get back to him. I still went online and into chat rooms. Finally my mother had enough and she started to make me watch the news. She said it was for my own good. The news was about girls near to my age and them being abducted, raped, and murdered from chat rooms. My mother thought this would finally get to me. It didn’t. I honestly thought that my online boyfriend loved me. Cause I sure as hell fell in love with him.

He was someone I could actually talk to, rather than my friends who left me for others. He was only five years older than me. My mother continued to expose me to the news and the newspapers. It still hadn’t yet shot to my mind. My other friend, the one out of four that I could trust, Jenny, tried to convince me to stop going into chat rooms. I still refused, and continued my going into chat rooms.

After about two more months of tears, arguments, fights, and regrets, I finally stopped. My mother finally forgave me fully. I was finally restored to my regular self. The one that everyone said they liked, although they all admitted that I’d changed from my ordeal. I just smiled my fake smile and nodded, and I would say that I regretted my mistakes and what I did. I didn’t. For what it’s worth, that experience taught me what guys were really like. Little did I know that it would come in handy in the near future, because I found out some terrible things about guys that I didn’t before know. Like, they’re very dense, all they think about is girls, girls, sex, girls, and some more about girls, and etc.

I did finally stop the habit of going into chat rooms, but it’s always very tempting when I have a chance to go into one.

                      ************End of Flashback************

        I was still looking outside my bedroom window at the beautiful day, as I was reliving my recent experience. A single tear was released as I was thinking about my online boyfriend, J.T. I missed him more than anything. The way he would make me feel better about myself, when no one else appeared to care. I missed his e-mails, his and my conversations, the way we would sometimes argue then laugh about them five minutes later. I mostly missed the way he could always make me feel good about myself when I’d been criticized by the “popular” groups, or when I had a fight with a family member.

I soon brushed the tear away hurriedly when my I heard my mom coming in. I didn’t want her to see me crying. Especially not her. So I decided to sit up, and pretend that I was doing something normal, reading. She came in and teased me.

 “How’s my bookworm?” She asked me laughing, as she sat next to me on my bed.

“I’m just fine mom.” I responded and I returned to reading my book.

“Hey, do you want to come to the library with me?” She asked me nicely.

“Huh? I thought you had work to do?” I asked confused, and with my eyebrows raised.

“I just wanted to go spend time with you, is that okay?” She asked jokingly.

“HA. HA. Sure, let me get my things.” I said, and I shooed my mother out the door.

 I got my things ready and was out the door with my mother in the next fifteen minutes. That day was pretty good. Compared to the next day that is.

AN: So how was my pathetic excuse for a life? Was it at least a tad bit interesting? I’ll be putting up the next chapter to my life soon, or at least when I have time. If you readers want to know, this is based on a true story. The story of my life. All names here are disguised, since I have not gotten permission from the characters in this story to place their true names in here. Even my name will be disguised. I hope that I’ll get some reviews so that I’ll know if my life ain’t so bad. Cause as I’ve stated in this story I love reading and writing, but I especially love it when others comment my story. So please review.