The Elite Canadian Snowplows

We are stuck in a war zone, our car is rocked by barrages of artillery, we fear for our lives. Mother Nature has done her worst. The war zone is the 401*, and her arsenal, huge gusts of wind, tire deep snow, and no visibility. We fear the worst, that we will have to spend the next 4 hours in the car, chugging along with so many others, on a white quilted highway. The fact that it looks like an immense pillow fight is not lost on me. Resigned, we peer through the snow and try to churn along as fast and safely as we can go.

Then suddenly, coming off of an overpass, the star troops of our militia appear. The Elite Canadian Snowplows. With lights flashing in red, blue and yellow, all in unison, the garrison of tank-like trucks with jaunty flags on either side of the plow come to relieve us. In perfect formation they come down from the ramp, then they break ranks and organize themselves to their assigned duties on the highway. Several move to the front, weaving expertly, and like a mechanized frosty ballet, they take their places at the front ranks. Like the shock troops against Nature’s fury, they battle the onslaught of snow, and push it away so us poor and trapped civilians can get through. Never have you felt such a unanimous and silent sigh of relief.

Their imposing forms could be greeted with as much enthusiasm to a snow covered region as fresh spirited troops are greeted to a town they plan on liberating. Finally, the road clear of the war-debris that is snow, we can move onward, to our destinations. Slowly, the remaining ranks of snowplows exit and go to their assigned areas, to do their part in this great snow-torn land. Our snowplows are the elite, the best that we have to offer. They can handle anything, and there is probably more cash flowing to them than to all the military forced in Canada combined.

Then, behind the tank-like plows, come the smaller, local foot soldiers of our militia, the brave souls in their Ford pickups with snowplow attachments, coming up behind the big ones, headed toward small neighborhoods. They may not be powerful and imposing, but they’re jobs inspire as much community spirit as does a bedraggled but determined dragoon doing his duty. We have a pitiful army, but when it comes to our annual war with snow, we always win. Always with flashing lights, and brave flags, and sighs of relief. Heck, sometimes we even lend our elite troops to other countries in need. Nothing can stop the troops of our Elite Canadian Snowplows.

*well-known and often used highway in my region