Author: Crystalline Lies PM
Four celebrities are sent to the center of the earth!! What happens to them??? R&RRated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Humor - Words: 1,421 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 03-13-03 - id: 1256342
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: I could not have written this without the help of my friends, Amanda Muniz, Chelsee Gonzalez, and Garrison Pfeffer. This story was originally written as a science project.
Four of our best *cough* worst *cough* celebrities and two dogs watched as four monkeys were lowered into the earth's crust. If monkeys can survive, of course humans can… TWO WEEKS LATER…. AT NASA
The monkeys have not returned. So naturally, we are going to put the celebrities to the test.
"AAHHHHHH!!!! Where's my eye shadow?!?!" screamed Britney Spears.
"Shut up you spazzy blonde, I borrowed it!" Reese Witherspoon yelled as they walked down the hall to the conference room. They opened the door with Leonardo DeCaprio trailing behind flirting with the astronauts. Dorothy was already in the room arguing with the President over the last piece of pizza.
"Enough! We have donuts! You will get them after the conference," said Colin Powell, as he ate the last piece of pizza. Dorothy immediately sat down mumbling something about Kansas, rainbows, and munchkins. Everyone else followed suit, minus the mumbling, but equally nervous about their trip to the core.
"This is John Grisham," the President stood up and pointed to the man next to him. "He will tell you what we expect to find in the depths of the earth."
"Thank you Mr. President. Now we will have you travel about 100 km down a pre-dug hole before we release you to dig your own after that. It won't be too hot and the rocks should be fairly easy to navigate through even though they are fairly brittle. We expect you should run into air pockets with special plants adapted for that environment. If you find one first record it in your journal we are giving you to record your journey. Then one of you blah, blah, blah, blah……"
Leonardo sat in his chair smirking. 'I wonder what it will take to get him on a date with me.'
'Could this guy get more boring?' Reese thought. 'Now where did I put my CD player?'
Dorothy was already asleep, snoring rather loudly. 'Kansas… rainbow… munchkins… yellow'
Britney was the only person that really seemed interested in what Grisham was saying. She was also sitting there with this ear-to-ear smile. "So then you will reach the outermost part of the mantle, also known as the lithosphere. It shouldn't be very hard to navigate through this brittle section of the earth." Grisham turned around and started to point to a diagram of the mantle as he spoke.
'Is this guy trying to kill me?!' Leonardo thought as he sank into his chair.
Reese sat there bobbing her head to the music of the 'Legally Blonde' soundtrack. 'It's my perfect day, nothing's standing in my way.'
Dorothy was now drooling on the table. 'Oz… brick… twister…'
Britney sat there seemingly paying attention to Grisham, grinning like an idiot. "Then if the ship, unfortunately, hasn't been crushed by the tremendous amount of pressure you will reach the outer core. Where, fortunately, the ship will probably be electrocuted and you will all die." He said all of this with a large smile. But since none of the celebrities were listening (except maybe Britney, we may never know) none of them took note of this.
'Look at that smile!!!' Leonardo never noticed the reason Grisham was smiling was because he was going to die.
'Better watch out goin' for the knock out.' Reese was now popping strawberry flavored bubble gum and bobbing her head.
'Witch… Toto… East…' Dorothy's snores had gotten considerably louder.
Britney was still sitting there grinning like an idiot. "Then if you four can get out of the outer core you will be pulled into the inner core which spins faster than the rest of the earth hopefully trapping you all in the center for all eternity." Still none of the celebrities heard the death part. I bet none of them but Britney heard any of it. "Any questions?" Grisham asked. Britney, being the ditz she is, raised her hand.
"Yes, Ms. Spears?"
"So there's gonna be a, like, mall down there right?" This was a question only Britney would ask. Grisham sweat dropped.
ONE DAY LATER
"3…2…1…Blast Down!" the rocket was sent hurtling down a 100 km hole. The rocket suddenly stopped sending four celebrities and two dogs out the window and into a wall of rock.
80 km later, as the celebrity's rocket exited the core, not much had happened to our celebrities. Except Reese breaking her leg practicing the Bend 'n' Snap©; and while Leonardo was trying to fix the window (which he never did) Toto jumped out which sent Dorothy into hysterics; and because of all the bumps and stops Britney never got to put her make-up on.
"Looky Leo! We're at the mantle!" screamed Britney.
"Don't call me Leo."
"Whatever, Leo." Dorothy came into the room with Reese rolling behind her. (don't ask where they got the wheelchair or the cast) Dorothy's eyes were red and swollen and Reese looked ready to pull her hair out.
"Is it hot in here?" Reese asked once she had gotten away from Dorothy.
"Genius over there, never fixed the window," Dorothy said angrily pointing to Leonardo.
"O.K. guys. I'm goin' for a walk," Britney told the fighting trio as she jumped out the broken window.
"If she dies I get her boyfriend," Reese said.
"I get her dog since someone let mine jump out the window," Dorothy turned to look at Leonardo.
"How many times do I have tell you I'm sorry?! It was your fault actually!" Leonardo yelled back.
"How is it my fault?!" Dorothy screamed.
"Sorry to interrupt this very interesting debate but I don't think I'm supposed to be able to touch the ceiling when I'm sitting down," Reese told them with a worried tone to her voice.
BACK AT THE SURFACE
"People of earth!!" the President said into a microphone. (somehow everyone on the earth can hear this in their language) "We have sent your least favorite celebrities to the core of the earth where they will never return." A large roar can be heard across the earth. "Thank you."
TO BRITNEY… WHO IS WANDERING SOME WHERE IN THE EARTH'S MANTLE
'Hmmm…… I wonder what happened to my bright pink lipstick?' Britney was digging through her purse failing to notice she no longer had feet.
BACK TO OUR DYING FRIENDS IN THE ROCKET
"POLTERGEIST!!! POLTERGEIST!!!!!! POLTERGEIST!!!!!!!" Leonardo screamed as he ran, err rather crawled, in circles.
"Shut Up! Do you even know what a poltergeist is?" Reese asked obviously annoyed, seeing how she was going to die in the next ten minutes.
"Um… no," admitted Leonardo. Suddenly the rocket lurched, collapsing, crushing and killing each of the celebrities slowly and painfully. Their last thoughts were:
'My dear Toto, I'll be with you soon!'
'I knew he was an idiot.'
'I think it has something to do with spiders.'
"AHA!" yelled Britney as she pulled out her lipstick. She was failing to notice that she no longer had knees. Suddenly the earth shook violently, causing Britney to bite down on the stick of bright pink lipstick. That in turn caused her to choke and die. She lay their melting for all eternity.
TO THE WHITE HOUSE
The President and Dick Chaney looked to the door as it was busted down. They saw three large evolved looking monkeys standing there next to a pile of bones. And they looked mad. Very mad. The President and Chaney gulped.
Disclaimer: We in no way own these celebrities. We would just like to see them dead. That is the only other reason, besides it being a Science project, that we wrote this. We mean no offense to the mixed-up people that like these celebrities. Thank you.
Please review!! It will make my friends and I veeeeeerrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy happy!! It's just a little button down there.
¯ Thanx~ Chibi Tensai