The Evening News with Bob Hervinesvelct

Bob: Hello, this is the evening news, I'm Bob Hervineschvelct. Said
just as it's spelled. Tonight's big story: a local lobster was found that
was blue, and... *sigh* this is supposed to be news? That's not news.
That'd even make a crappy human interest story. Is this that slow of a
news day!? I mean, my God, what--

*We are having technical difficulties. Please stand by. Do not turn
to another channel.*

Bob: Sorry about that. I have been assured that the next story is newsworthy.
*lifts paper* Alright, here's Phil Gerveenashoncerblockennockenstupoghtomaton
with a human interest story. Oh that's it, I hate all of you!

*cut to Phil with a very dissheveled-looking man*

Phil: Hello, I'm here with Mr. Herman Godsfield, who has not left this
room in the past thirty years.

Herman: actually, no.

Phil: What? We were told that you'd been here for thirty years.

Herman: Well, once two years ago, I went across the street, got a cup
of coffee, then came back.

Phil: *pause* Oooooookay, back to you Bob.

*show Bob again, he has a peppermint stuck in his moustache*

Bob: Thank you Phil. Truly mind boggling that anyone can call that
news. Coming up next, can giving your child baby food kill them? The
answer coming up after seventeen commercials for herpes medication.

***

-

If I get at least five reviews for this story, I'll write another chapter.
If not, I'll hunt you down and hit you across the face with a mid-sized
model of the Eifel Tower.