[A/N: okay, this is a timeline. If you are by any means offended by it, let me know. I use several German terms in here, so it may be a bit hard to understand.]

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Seven Weeks That Changed the World

by The Great Red Dragon [special thanks to Sarah Petry]

[Note: all of this timeline is completely made-up. None of this is fact]

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7-2-03 Germany still refuses an attack on Iraq. Not mainly because the "proof" given by Powell was crap, but because Rumsfeld has compared Germany to Cuba and Libya; Germany is infuriated.

10-2-03 Germany denies the USA German airspace, unless Bush immediately apologizes for Rumsfeld's remark.

11-2-03 Bush finally understands what Cuba and Libya actually are. He then proceeds to compare Germany to the DDR.

13-2-03 France goes to ruins. After too much financial and emotional pressure by the US, France agrees to sponsor and deliver banquets for the deployed US soldiers in the Middle East.

14-2-03 Every other country in the European Union go to ruins as well, and all group together to sponsor one huge banquet-bakery.

15-2-03 Germany withdraws itself from NATO after a protest of the UN safety- support.

16-2-03 Bush is beyond words, and threatens Germany by means of The Finger.

17-2-03 Germany is outraged and in retort closes several American McDonalds.

18-2-03 High politician Stoiber withdraws the closing of McDonald's restaurants, but ends up turning them all into beer-gartens.

19-2-03 German politician Westerwelle signs up for a VHS-course in foreign policy.

21-2-03 Westerwelle discovers that his course-teacher is nobody else but VHS Mollemann. His jump from the window is regarded without much interest.

22-2-03 Germany is now completely isolated, and the first Turkish residents start to leave the country.

23-2-03 The German government realizes that the dramatic decrease in the country's popularity could lead to serious tourist and financial problems [but only in the future].

24-2-03 Nobody in Germany trusts in the falling economy anymore, and Bavaria begins deploying refugees.

25-2-03 The Chancellery receives a taunting financial aid from the US: a sum of 2,000 Euros.

26-2-03 Germany appeases critics by stating that it not only is in debt of past sums, but also of sums spanning several years into the future.

27-2-03 Weiberfastnacht begins [expensive German holiday].

28-2-03 Weiberfastnacht is cancelled, because of a suddenly-noticed leap- year.

29-2-03 Germany, due to un-sportsmanlike actions, is expelled from the EU.

03-3-03 In the eastern European countries, fleeing Bavarians are denied access, due to possible hygienic-problems.

04-3-03 Italy refuses oncoming refugees.

05-3-03 The first refugees, denying protest, wash up on the coast of Adria.

06-3-03 Just about every country in the world closes its contact with Germany.

07-3-03 Germany demands the impeachment of Chancellor Schroeder. Amnesty International governs the case.

08-3-03 Germany is finally out of debt and begins to buy Switzerland.

09-3-03 Germany desperately needs workforce and calls tourists back from the USA.

10-3-03 The Dow Jones takes a freefall and sinks 2,100 points.

11-3-03 Germany re-ignites the D-Mark and the Dow Jones sinks another 100 points.

12-3-03 Aldi buys Microsoft and recruits Bill Gates as the new manager.

13-3-03 The USA postpones its attack on Iraq, because the banquet deliveries are not yet complete.

14-3-03 The first refugees scatter back to Germany. The economy rises to 5,000 DM in maximum.

15-3-03 Neighbouring countries open their borders to Germany again. Germany establishes a money system for traveling its autobahns: 100 DM per car; 1,500 DM per truck [per kilometer].

16-3-03 Germany buys the Italian island Majorca and throws Jurgen Drews from office.

17-3-03 Germany receives financial aid from neighbouring countries, after finally paying off its hidden debt of many billions. A change back to the common European Euro is denied, after an exchange-rate chart is consulted [1 Euro=435 DM].

18-3-03 France apologizes to the USA for lying about false payments of the banquet deliveries [all the food was made of wax, and there was margarine in the pastries].

19-3-03 The Czech president Karel Gott slides out of the Pr-Iraq-Phalanx.

20-3-03 German soccer star Lothar Matthaus resumes political office. American troops are pulled back from the Iraqi border, due to a mysterious spreading of diarrhoea.

21-3-03 Bush compares Germany to Disneyland, but recalls it a few hours later with a look of sympathy, as if he had just kicked a puppy.

22-3-03 The German Chancellery retires several of its older employees. The new recruits receive raise of 3,000 DM and a coupon for 20,000 free kilometers on the autobahns.

23-3-03 Aldi buys Florida.

24-3-03 The USA recalls all troops and puts most transportation in the USA comes to a halt, due to a lack of oil. Bush begs Iraq for a cease-fire treaty.

25-3-03 Saddam Hussein invites the end of the US dominance and total oil rights, but is killed as his Baghdad palace mysteriously caves in [Jean Claude Van Dam is shot and killed by Iraqi police, apparently fleeing the scene].

26-3-03 Godzilla rises from the Pacific Ocean, is infuriated at the cost of Marlboro cigarettes at a local tobacco store, and fries the entire West Coast of USA. Germany celebrates with singing of "Deutschland, Uber Alles".