A/N: Yeah, this is for a competition called Destination Imagination. It probably won’t make much sense. We had to solve a problem with our eight-minute skit. Go here: for an overview of the problem. It was fun. We placed second. Enjoy. A1 (2, 3, 4, 5) stands for actor 1 (2, 3, 4, 5). We actually do have character names; we’re just lazy.

SCENE 1

[Scenery is not set up; all actors stand off to one side; Seymour is up front to side]

[Commie guy enters, adjusts tie]

Seymour Crumpets: I'm Seymour Crumpets and we're here, live, at the signing of an international bill banning creative _expression. This has been-

Commie guy: Ahem!

Seymour: Oh, wait, folks! I think the chairman is starting to speak!

Commie Guy: Bill 9947A states the following: In order to eliminate or lessen intellectual divisions, it is hereby enacted that creative _expression, in any form,

is prohibited, unless expressly permitted by the government to help achieve our goal of a national collective spirit. "Creative _Expression" includes, but is not limited to, music, poetry, dancing, literature, visual arts, and theatre. Any person found engaging in such activities will be subject to criminal penalties as deemed appropriate. All in favor please rise.

[Stomping]

Commie Guy: Then it is done.

Seymour: Well, there you have it folks. Next up: an environmental special on the banning of dihydrogen monoxide, the key component in acid rain.

[Sydney shows '60 years later' sign]

SCENE 2

[A1, 3, and 4 bring in the back drop/tower and set everything up in front of the set; Sydney, A2, and A5 carry in the boxes of props and set them up behind the set; A2 comes out in front of the set briefly to relieve A1 of the grocery basket and take it back; lines are said over the activity]

A1: (w/ groceries) Artichokes, rutabagas, scallions, endives . . . half a century ago, all rare within our great nation, and now mandated in every household as essential health foods by Our Great Leader. And yet who has heard of Jack and Jill . . .

A2: Who went up the hill.

A1: And little Bo Peep . . .

A2: Who lost her sheep.

A1: Or Solomon the Wise

A3: Who liked endives. Like me. I'm hungry

A1: We can't eat until noon, that's law.

A4: It's 11:55.

A1: So wait 5 minutes!

[A2 and 5 walk out from behind the backdrop, cutting off A1's last line]

A5: Did you hear about the ruling on Jenkins?

A2: No, I avoid watching news programs as much as possible. What happened to him?

A5: Life in the pen, for "artistic physical movement, formerly known as dance".

A2: You know, 50 years ago there were so many of us.

A5: Hundreds, and now just a mere few.

A3: Nothing coming in on the police waves. They haven't got any idea. We must do it now. I'll start rounding up the lemmings. Hey all you hopelessly mindless white collar types! A government approved, (crosses fingers conspicuously behind back) educational performance, devoid of interest, required by Statute . . . uh . . . 789W is now showing!

[All actors are now behind set]

SCENE 3

[From Backstage]

A1: Once upon a time . . .

A5: Lived a witch . . .

A4: In a small secluded section of woods.

[A1 walks on stage and sneers]

A3: Most were wise enough to keep away from her, but one intellectually challenged food inspector was moronic enough to stop by one day.

[On stage]

A5: But these aren't the generic meal supplements you have a license to grow!

A1: Yes they are! [Shows license]

A5: But this expires in 18 months!

A1: You can't write me up for having a license that will expire in 18 months!

A5: Yes I can. This is a pre-emptive strike.

[Both freeze. Voices from Back stage]

A4: In a fit of anger, the witch threatened to curse him into speaking entirely in sonnets.

A3: However, when he offered her his first-born daughter in exchange, a deal was made.

[Witch and food inspector shake hands and exit]

A4: The years passed and the child, a girl named Rapunzel grew to be tall and wise.

A2: [sings] When music flowed in the wind in night,

When days were lost in time,

Man's great allies were reason and rhyme.

But men let them fall o'er time

The world left to die

[A3 stumbles on stage]

A3: Where . . . where are you?

A2: Are you disoriented?

A3: Only surprised, fair maiden. That noise . . .what was it?

A2: Singing, you insolent piece of sod.

A3: Oh, I see the purpose! It was to lead me to free you from this cruel imprisonment!

A2: Imprisonment? Get real. Only that of the mind. Who are you?

A3: Prince Jonathan II, son of Claudius V, ruler of cities, collector of taxes, author of the biographical memoir A Day in the Life of Royalty, winner. . .

[A3 hands A2 a copy of a book he has been autographing]

A2: I get the picture. Now why exactly did so noble an individual as yourself come into the forest, anyway?

A3: Why to rescue you, of course.

A2: From what?

A3: From the tower.

[A2 looks perplexed]

A2: What tower?

[Tower falls; A4 tap dances out]

A4: I'm afraid your tower was violating Section 1.9872 of the 34th amendment to the regional building code, which states that no artistic embellishments of any kind [starts to walk off; voice trails off] are allowed on or in building within ten miles of public…

A2: Catch that Johnny, son of cities and ruler of taxes?

A3: I fail to understand what this is all about.

A2: Do you? Think harder, your highness.

[Rat scampers out with a purse attached to its tail]

A4 (FBS): That rat stole my purse!

[A2 steps on rat; high squeal is emitted from backstage; A2 bends down to unhook purse; A5 comes out and sits cross-legged, reciting chant]

A2: What a large rat! I don't think I've seen one that size before.

A3: Me neither. Come to think to it, the landscape is different. Where are we? Is this a dream?

A2: I only wish.

RANDOM BRIDGE THAT ONLY EXISTS FOR COSTUMING PURPOSES

[Cast is peering around backdrop]

A4: Oh no! I think I see a police officer!

A1: No idiot, it's Walt Disney!

A3: I didn't know they could taxidermy humans!  That's nasty.

A4: No over there! That's a police officer…that guy with the _____ hair!

A1: We're going to get busted.

A3: We can't stop now! There's a cheesecake coming up!

SCENE 4

[A3 and 4 enter w/ random kid-type props like a yo-yo or something and circle around 5]

A3: Rats, there are too many rats!

A4: I know. I took pictures of all the rats for the school paper!

A3: Well I dissected a rat in biology. So there.

A4: What's for dinner?

[A2 enters with cooking item of some kind]

A2: Rat tetrazini.

A4: Again?

A2: Don't you complain! Now feed the rat!

[A2 joins circling]

PP: Um, excuse me, but could you tell me where I can find the Health and Sanitation offices? Will you kindly desist!!!!!

[A5 exits]

PP: Something really needs to be done about the rats around here.

A3: You don't say!

A4: I tried using a flyswatter, but that left stains all over the place.

A2: I tried coaxing them out with a spinach casserole, but I guess my little Johnny was right. Not even the sewer rats will eat my cooking.

A3: Sorry newcomer, but we've tried. There are just too many of them.

PP: Hmmm . . . I think I may have an instrument that can lure the rats away!

[Police enter; police tirade]

A3: Well this compromises things slightly.

PP: I think I can handle slightly larger rats.

A2: What's he doing?

[Pied piper begins to play violin]

Police: That's music! Banned by statute-. That's should have been forgotten.

[PP dances offstage with police in tow]

A4: So what do we do now?

A2: Use the time we have to get out our message. The pied piper has led the rats away and someone has got to rebuild the town.

A3: But there are so many more rats out there. She can only handle a few. Police reinforcements will arrive at any moment.

A2: Which is why we've got to use the time we have to recruit more pied pipers. Besides, our audience is waiting.

[A2 walks on stage; other actors pantomime the actions she describes]

There is no happy ending. The pied piper only led a few rats away. The rats increased and increased, their population growing as steadily as the stock market drops. The people did not die or move away. Oh no. They knew their fate, and rather than change it, they lived with it, or pretended to live with it anyway. They simply degenerated themselves, down to the extent where they no longer thought or acted like humans at all, but rather like worn machines doing the same task for some forgotten purpose. They woke up, ate breakfast, went to work, came back home, read the paper, ate supper, and went to sleep. They lived in a trance, having no purpose or goal. Indifferent to death, or to life. You've been trained never to question, never dare to disagree, and yet why? Why would they stop you from questioning if not to cover up for some awesome failing on their part? What is it out there that they wish you not to find? Schopenhauer believed that it was only through the arts that humans released the pain of existence. He's right. The arts are our sole means of expression. Our expression is the affirmation of our ability to think abstractly, and abstract thought is what distinguishes us from Neanderthals. Start questioning. It's about time.