The Scalpel Is Mightier Than The Sword Episode 1

The students have just graduated. They file out of the university in cap and gown., then leap over the gate, waving their caps and dancing through the grounds. Cat, Rascal, Chester and Diggory are friends.

Cat: We've passed!

Rascal: We've passed!

Diggory: I was studying to become a doctor. I passed too. Thank you, Asclepius.

Cat: WAH-CHUN-GAAA!!!

Chester: (turning off his walkman) hey man let's do somethin' really groovy and weird to celebrate.

Rascal: Chester, NO drugs!

Chester: Oh, man.

Diggory: Let's take the Hippocratic Oath. (removes cap)

Rascal: But we're not studying medicine, only you are. Remember?

Chester: Who cares, man, it'll be, like, a weird ritual.

Cat: Okay, who knows the words?

Chester: Not me, man.

Diggory: I do.

Rascal: Start us off, then.

Diggory: I have to warn you. my version is a little different to the traditional Hippocratic Oath. I wrote it when I was playing YS: the Vanished Omens, so it would fit the rhythm of the final guardian's theme tune.

Rascal: Are you sure you're allowed to do that?

Chester: Hey, man, the old version is kinda uncreative and outdated.

Diggory: (retrieves floppy disk from pocket) Follow me.

The students run offstage. They reappear in the computer department, which has a table with a computer on it, along with some other tables. They jump over a table and steal labcoats from a passing lecturer. Diggory puts the disk in the computer and plays a midi. Rascal and Chester dance on the table.

Diggory: (singing) Maybe I/ Am not quite one of us/ But by Asclepius/ I swear I'm genuine/ I'm restoration/ Do my thing/ Without no editing/ That's why I can sing/ I JUST WANT TO RESTORE/ I JUST WANT TO RESTORE

I won't negatis/ Even for gratis/ If there's a download/ I'll try not to cancel it I wont negatis/ Even for gratis/ That's what I'm gonna do next

I can show/ That restoration/Replaces everything/ Even religion/ Even my family/ Now consists/ Of those who taught me this/ Oh, Asclepius/ I JUST WANT TO RESTORE/ I JUST WANT TO RESTORE

I won't negatis/ Even for gratis/ If there's a download/ I'll try not to cancel it I wont negatis/ Even for gratis/ That's what I'm gonna do next

The students get down off the table and laugh. Diggory switches off the midi.

Rascal: I'm hungry, let's get some chips.

Diggory: Wait. look. something's happening.

There is a flash of white mist. A tall man walks through it. As the mist clears, we see that he is an old man with a long white beard, and he wears a flowing white robe and carries a wooden staff.

Chester: Cool.

Rascal: It's. the head of the University?

Diggory: No it's not, it's Asclepius!

Asclepius: I'm glad one of you recognised me. Stupid students. You. aren't you supposed to be a history graduate?

Cat: I'm not supposed to be. I am!

Asclepius: Learn my name, then! (turns to Diggory) You. you summoned me here. you have a bright future. You are truly worthy to be my disciple! I am glad someone still believes in me, instead of using my art without asking me first! I must go now, but I leave the future in your hands. Doctor Diggory!

Asclepius disappears. The students walk offstage. End of scene. * * *