This was an English II assignment. We had to write a story that contained a
purse with chosen objects from a list given to us. This is what came out of
it. I'm just glad she understood my oddness.
Don't Blame Pickle, It's Just A Suicidal Weasel
Lucy Sullivan wasn't your average fifteen-year-old. Her interests and
hobbies weren't guys and music, but cracking frozen winter puddles in the
potholes of the alley behind the grocery store with her mary janes and
collecting torn up and lost pictures of people from beneath photo booths.
She hated goldfish and lollipops, and loved untwisting wire hangers and the
sound water makes when it swirls down a semi-clogged drain. She preferred
inventing names and personalities for strangers, instead of having friends.
Inventing people that she'd never know always appealed to her more than
putting up with the real thing. The only person she could really tolerate
was her mother, which was why she was spending her after school time where
On this certain Tuesday, Lucy was sorting through the lost and found
at her mothers' office building that no one knew existed except for her and
the janitors. It was in a drab and disgusting room with cement walls and
stacks of cleaning products that emitted fumes worse than her mother's tuna
casserole once it had been in the refrigerator for a month and a half. But,
at the moment Lucy was searching for her mother's misplaced purse, so she
didn't have a choice in the matter.
"Ah ha!" She exclaimed holding up a black object in triumph, "Your
like a pesky little weasel that's secretly suicidal aren't you?"
Slinging the item over her shoulder, she dashed out of the room, shut
the door, and took in a breath of not-quite-so-cleaning-solution-polluted-
Quickly she reached into her pocket and pulled out a tarnished pocket
"Cripes, it's almost eight, mom's gonna be gnashing her teeth when
she figures out I've been gone so long! Now what kind of food was I
supposed to get, Chinese, Japanese, Frenchese.Mexican! That's the one!
M'kay, now the directions were with the money in her wallet, in the front
pocket of this thing."
She hurriedly unzipped the pocket and started digging though,
eventually dropping to the floor to search though it.
Pulling out a waded up tissue her eyes widened, "Yuck, Mum, I hope
that's not used.hmm, a hairbrush, lipstick, Vintage Wine, now there's a
color that sounds like you. A quarter, yeah, that'll buy dinner." Lucy's
hand searched some more, but found nothing else. She held it up to her eye
and saw nothing inside. She turned it upside down and shook, but nothing
came out. It was the pesky weasel all over again.
"Must've just put it in the other pocket, memory's slipping, can't
blame everything on the cat, poor Pickle, always his fault."
Reaching in the larger pocket she pulled out a bright pink
"What the yellow duck is this in here for? And blue tights, really
now, what does she need those for; she hates tights in the first place and
doesn't wear blue! Mum, you're really getting fruity on me, aren't you? Oh
My! Disturbingly bizarre, a package of colored feathers, perhaps this isn't
mum's purse, oh please don't let it be mum's purse!"
A couple pieces of gum, a paperclip, two dollars, and a man's
business card later, Lucy stumbled upon a torn out page from a telephone
book, with an ad circled that was beginning to make her paranoid about this
"A 'gentlemen's club'? Oh mum, please let this be some stripper or
hooker's purse hired by one of the men here and not yours!" She pulled out
a spoon and immediately threw it into the pile of things beside her, "I
don't think I even want to know.bad thoughts bad thoughts bad thoughts,
Then her hand found the end and a now empty bag. Her eyes found
nothing, and her shaking tossed nothing out. So she tossed the bag against
the wall and sat thinking of how disturbing her mothers purse was. That was
until she noticed the object that had skittered out of the black leather
bag. She quickly crawled over to it and picked it up off the polished
A Titanium MasterCard, "Shiny." Lucy bent it back and forth amused by
its small holographic square until her eyes were drawn to something else.
"Delilah Davies." Suddenly Lucy jumped up and started spinning in
circles and singing the Halleluiah Chorus at the top of her lungs.
"Yes, yes, yes! It's some random sleazy hooker and not my mum! The
weasel is dead! Woohoo!"
Packing the items back in the purse Lucy put it back in the 'Lost and
Found' and smiled as she passed a janitor on her way back to her mother's
office. She was practically skipping and had forgotten the trouble she
would soon be in. She didn't even notice the scandaly clad platinum blond
walk in and ask that very same janitor about a lost purse.