Weeks had passed since Chris and Selina’s last confrontation and from what Chris could tell, either Selina didn’t care or she had resigned to acting as though she did not care. Chris couldn’t blame her. His’ mood had not changed, though he attempted to make a conscious effort to modify it. No matter what he did, Chris could not mentally push himself past his misplaced anger and frustration, the bouts of jealousy, or the aching in his chest. All of these were self-inflicted; he knew he could blame no one but himself.

And yet his shallow and naïve mind tried desperately to place the blame elsewhere.

The denial that had plagued him for many years was finally settled in his gut. It was something so simple and yet so hard for him to come to grips with.

He liked his best friend.

It seemed natural, it seemed normal—

And yet at the present time, it could never feel right or anywhere near normal, not when the girl he had fallen for was quickly vanishing.

Chris idly drummed his fingers on his black leather steering wheel, sighing to himself as he waited for Jeff to exit the drug store. The two boys were on their way to the Paulson girls’ third play off game. The game wasn’t too far from where they lived, only an hour drive. Even with the relatively short distance, Chris still felt himself sighing loudly, lolling his head lazily toward the drug store entrance. He wasn’t so intent on reaching the game at any particular time, for they would arrive well within twenty minutes before game time if they left within the next fifteen or twenty minutes. Nor was he particularly anxious to claim a good seat, for the cheering section of a Paulson girls’ soccer team--the student section that is--never sat during a soccer game. He wasn’t impatient or even anxious, and yet he continued to sigh, having adopted the habit as a new idiosyncrasy. The sighs belonged to another moment entirely.

Selina. The corners of his lips curved slightly upward when he thought of her from the Calculus class the day before. Whenever state play neared, for Selina, it carried the same effects as Christmas would for a child. Her face was normally lit up, a little worn down from the extra practices, but it was tired complacency that crossed her features. This year was different from past state play, however. Not only from the extra practices, but major exams were around the corner, and what made this year so different from the rest was that she—like Chris-- had kept her job at O’Connells in hopes of offsetting the random events that senior year brought her way. There was practice, school, a job and more importantly-

There was more pressure.

There was more pressure from her coaches, her teammates—who had finally opened up to her—and from the student body in general. One of the crowning jewels of Paulson athletics was their dynamic girls soccer program. Many star collegiate athletes came from their hallways. This year was no different. The team was loaded with talent-

And with a secret weapon who wasn’t so secret any longer. The student body, as a whole, finally gave Selina the recognition she deserved as a star athlete. Chris’ soft smile brightened when he remembered her blush from the good lucks and go get’ems she received. All praise similar to this had been relatively nonexistent before or it at least hadn’t been nearly as welcoming and enthusiastic when it came to giving it to her. Chris knew it never really bothered her before because he knew that what she did on the soccer field was for no one but herself.

This year, soccer had a new meaning to her. She could finally not only play for her personal best but for the team and with the team.

That thought warmed him the most.

However, with the new recognition came more popularity, more cautiousness, more changes. And while Paulson was in its third playoff game of a possible eight, electricity filled the air and buzzed around Selina constantly. While she still held a slightly humbled nature when it came to thinking about her playing abilities, her haughtiness began to increase.

It was to be expected. What star athlete at Paulson hadn’t done so?

She never did, Chris thought distantly. Never before anyway.

“Ah Selina,” he thought with a heavier sigh. Though the internal burden of hiding his feelings from himself no longer existed, a larger came into being, weighing more on his conscience and proverbial heart.

What did I do to you? She was so different…so different was his Lima bean. It still seemed like such a shock, though it had been building and building for the past two months. And now…

She was a star in the eyes of the school and had something that was budding between her and Nathan.

He shuddered at the thought. Not only was she so dramatically different, but now she was interested in someone and he obviously interested in her.

No, he thought. She wouldn’t really go for Nathan, would she?

No doubt about it that Selina and Nathan were becoming closer. He wasn’t sure, but he was almost positive she had visited Nathan every day since he collapsed in her living room, either after soccer practice, before work, after games.

She obviously worries about him, he thought.

He remembered how panicked she sounded on his cell phone when Nathan collapsed in her house. He would have rushed there himself if it hadn’t been such a busy Friday night at work. He had already been in trouble for showing up late because he went to the soccer game. He called her Saturday, but had gotten no answer. He was ecstatic when she called him Sunday…

And then she called him and told him…about…

The kiss.

He bit his bottom lip.

Something was obviously brewing between them, but…but why? Not that he really wanted to knock Nathan, but in all honesty, he couldn’t see Nathan with Selina. It was just a possibility he couldn’t quite fathom or grip.

It just didn’t seem right. Then again, a lot of things didn’t seem right.

Selina continued to change, some of which he placed as a means of spiting him. Her curt actions were more distinct. He didn’t know what he’d do if he heard her say girly one more time…

There was something so fluffy, airy, stale and hollow about that word and how it was spoken.

As a matter of fact, for most of the people who said it, it reflected their personality--

But this was Selina! She couldn’t be stale and hollow even if she tried…

But it did seem as though she was getting dangerously closer and closer to it. It was a strange feeling for him, but in some ways, he felt torn between conversing with her at school and—ironically—NOT doing so considering the whole goal was so this would be possible with as less friction as possible from the people around them.

Chris felt he was distancing himself from her even more since his epiphany of a few weeks ago. His actions were more nervous, his words more guarded, his behavior more reclusive. Perhaps part of him wanted to wish his feelings away. If they weren’t there, then what was happening to her now wouldn’t bother him so much, all that she was doing wouldn’t bother him as much…

Part of him thought that anyway.

Whatever the reason, the fact still remained that he was forcefully pushing her away now. He knew it…and yet he couldn’t help himself. It started with Nathan and progressively, he couldn’t bring himself to be around her as much in school.

How can you watch someone you had grown so fond of your entire life become the very antithesis of what made you like that person in the first place? How can you continually push someone enough that they push back with a turned back and lingering eye that is placed on someone else?

Jeff jogged toward the red Mirage, a coke and bottled water in hand. He plopped into the passenger seat with loud thwap. “Here man,” he said as he held out the blue bottle of water. The Hispanic boy turned his head toward his friend when he felt that the bottle hadn’t been removed.

And here’s Chris, he thought, spaced the hell out. Jeff wasn’t sure what was going on, but whatever it was, it had to be bothersome enough to make Chris practically comatose.

Growling, Jeff placed the bottle of water in the cup holder and swiftly snapped his fingers in his friend’s face. He rolled his eyes at the startle expression that claimed the contemplative creases in Chris’ forehead and eyes. “Chris?!”

Chris whipped his head toward Jeff, passing a hand over his face to wipe off the few droplets of condensation that made their way from the water bottle to Jeff’s fingers and currently to his face. “You ready?”

His voice was somewhat sluggish, sounding as though he had just woken from a deep sleep. Jeff rolled his eyes once more, sighing dramatically as he reached for his red coke bottle. His caramel hands unscrewed the plastic top easily while he shook his bald head in disbelief. Sounding more astonished than inquisitive, he asked, “What…the hell…is…your…problem?!”

Chris returned his gaze to the dashboard, looking at his dangling keys as he started the ignition. I’m not that far gone, huh? “What do you mean?”

Jeff swiped his hands over his blue jeans before reaching for his coke bottle once more. “Do you really wanna get me started? You always got this ‘let me ponder the wonders of the world’ look plastered on your face. You don’t take your lazy ass anywhere and it ain’t like you had work to do either. And when you do go somewhere, you don’t do anything! You missed the beach run on Friday, then Lacy’s party and the kegger on Monday for the soccer playoffs. W T F, mate?”

Chris squinted his eyes in confusion. Casting a look behind himself, he backed out of the parking spot. “What?”

Right…for being some big math and logic guy, you sure are missing the mark, Jeff thought ruefully. “Dude, what’s up? You’ve been mopin’ around or something. I don’t…I don’t even know if it is moping. You were just strange before but now, you’re actually mopey. So I say, DUBYA TEE EFF?”

Chris shut his dark blue eyes tightly for a brief moment, passing a hand roughly through his ebony hair. “I-uh…” What was wrong with him? He didn’t like what was going on with Selina? That the idea of her visiting someone in the hospital bothered him much more than it should have?

He sighed heavily. “I uh…”

“Yeah man, got that the first time.” Jeff shook his bald head once more as he relaxed into the car seat. Jeff had been watching Chris for a while. Things weren’t right with him; they hadn’t been right for a few weeks. It seemed as though he was becoming more distant. “What’s going on? Does this have to do with Selina?”

Chris didn’t respond.

A sound of annoyance left Jeff’s lips. “Yeah it does. Geez, that’s the word of the freaking year for you. What about Selina is bothering you NOW?” His whole world revolves around Selina!

Keeping his eyes forward, Chris squinted his face, as if to think of the possibilities pained him. “I…I like her Jeff.” Chris had never been one to speak about his feelings. Sure, he’d tell his friends when he thought a girl was cute, but this was different. This entire situation went beyond the simple case of a cute girl and attraction.

It was something deeper than that. Never in his life had he pushed the one thing in his life that was stable and predictable away from him and, at the same time, feel an ever present wave of regret fill him. He not only liked his best friend, but he changed her.

He was responsible for the disappearing traits he had loved about her.

How he could do so still plagued his mind.

Jeff’s face was filled with indifference. “Yeah,” he shrugged his shoulders, “what else is new?”

Wh-what else is new, Chris’ mind screamed. Chris never liked girls….ever. They were cute; they were pretty; they were smart and they were interesting, but he NEVER truly developed any feelings for the ones he’d met. There was always something missing with each one of them, and while he fancied himself as not a picky person, there was a fire missing from them that he just recently realized was present in only one person he had met up to this point in his life.

Chris shook his head fervently. “No, I mean…I really like her, like really.”

Jeff shook his head at his friend before reaching for the car door. “Go back to Walgreens, man.”

Chris blinked his eyes rapidly in confusion. “Wait a second, what?” He just told his friend he liked someone and now he realized that he had forgotten something in the store?! “Why?”

Jeff whipped his head around. “Well Fido, to buy you a cookie for that one.”

“What?”

Settling back into the car seat, Jeff ran a hand over his bald head. He started speaking more to himself than anyone else. “That explains a lot of things.” He began to tap his chin thoughtfully. “There was always that chance I was wrong, but I just knew it.” He shook his head with pride as he slammed his hand on the dashboard. “I knew it!”

It was Chris’ turn to slump in his seat. Was he that obvious? Chris found himself rolling his eyes. He was normally pretty good about hiding his feelings but even he’d admit that he had been slipping quite a bit the past couple of weeks. “Chill out man.”

“Okay, so what? Is that what has you buggin’ so much?”

“I guess so.” Is it, he wondered.

Jeff stared at him for a moment before coming to his own conclusion. “Na,” he tsked, waving a hand in the air. “There’s more to it.” So Chris had a thing for Selina. That would justify EVERYTHING. He chalked up the situation to that old saying of “only a face a mother would love,” except instead of mother, it was friend. Not that Selina was ugly; she had an okay face and an even better body when she didn’t hide it in baggy clothes. Well, Jeff thought, this could work. Why else would anyone stick around someone like Selina for so long, be such good friends with her if he DIDN’T have the hots for her?

Yeah, that explains a lot.

Dang, he thought. How long has he been liking her then?!

Wait second….

Jeff repositioned himself in his seat, his face displaying confusion. “I don’t get you though. You two aren’t exactly on speaking terms, are you?” From what he could tell, there had been a major blowout and though Chris hadn’t gone into the details, a fight of some sort had gone down. What did Chris do now?! Or better yet, what HADN’T he done?

Aren’t exactly on speaking terms? Chris scoffed at the comment. “Things…are a little rocky, yeah.” If THAT wasn’t an understatement…

They hadn’t spoken more than five sentences to each other, and yet he still couldn’t bring himself to letting her know that, for the last time, it wasn’t her and that he just needed time to figure things out. I care about you and then I do things like this, he thought. How can that be possible?!

Jeff’s head cocked to the side, eyeing Chris curiously. Chris’ head had been down as a tired sigh escaped from his lips. He was beat about this, tired even, and yet, Jeff knew, almost immediately, the cause. “Because you’re an idiot, right?”

Chris ran a hand through his hair as he thought solemnly. I closed off to you because you’re into someone else and were excited enough to tell me about it. I pushed you away because of it. I hurt thinking about you smiling with someone else. I feel lower than dirt because of what I wanted for you, because of what I pushed for, and I’m not even sure why I wanted it.

Yeah, Jeff summed it up nicely. “Because,” he said dejectedly as he turned on his right turning signal, “I’m an idiot…”

Jeff turned his body back to the front and plopped his head against the headrest with a satisfied grin. “Damn I’m good.”

“Jeff-”

“Look, I don’t know if maybe I’m weird or something, but normally, if you’re feelin’ someone, you don’t try to piss them off. This isn’t 5th grade. That don’t work.”

“I don’t mean to; I never meant to.”

“Then why do it?”

Circling the steering wheel with his hands, Chris shook his head from side to side once more. “I just told you that it’s not intentional. I just-”

“Well,” Jeff asked as he took a sip from his soft drink, “what happened that made you mad?”

“I’m not mad!”

“Then what happened?”

“Very beginning?”

“That’s normally a good place to start.”

“I was talking with her and…she was telling me about Nate-”

“Okay, Nate is a problem-”

It’s not that simple, he thought. “But he isn’t a problem…” Everything that had happened seemed to have transpired because of Chris, because of his doing and his wants. And now, he thought, I have the gall to push Selina away when I’m the one responsible. “He isn’t’ the problem,” he repeated once more, “I’M the problem.”

“He’s part of YOUR problem, but you’re the problem in general.” Jeff tilted his head from side to side before taking another sip. “Okay. Yeah…I think that’s it.”

“You know, you aren’t really making me feel better about this.”

“Well frankly dude, maybe you shouldn’t. Even I gotta admit that you and wiggy attitude have to be put in check. Jealous like I dunno what is what you are. ”

“But it’s not really jealous tendencies.”

Oh really? “Watching her like a hawk?” Even before their little falling out, Jeff wasn’t blind to the attention Chris would give Selina, when she wasn’t even aware of it. Every party they had gone to, Selina was there, and there was Chris, standing in a corner, his mouth having a conversation with someone else, his eyes watching Selina. He was always there to step in to take her drink from her when he felt that she had had enough, or if any of the guys started getting a little too friendly, Chris always seemed to pop up at the right time to squash anything before it could happen. Chris was always there for her, in the shadows, acting like an invisible shield.

I think it’s ridiculous, Jeff thought to himself. She doesn’t need a chaperone!

Chris huffed loudly. “At parties, man!” Selina had gone out more, to more parties, completely submersing herself in those around her. Maybe it was from the excitement of the state tournament, but he knew, he just KNEW that that wasn’t it. Chris rolled his eyes at Jeff’s comment. “You make me feel like a stalker.” Granted, he would try to keep an eye on her from a distance, to make sure no one got any funny ideas, but that’s what friends were supposed to do. “The things that people only talk about behind closed doors and in whispers…I don’t want her to be one of the topics.”

“That’s a chance that comes with the territory. Besides, she’s got a good head on her shoulders; I’ll admit that.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Chris turned his head quickly to check his blind spot. He continued while shaking his head. “There is just something wrong with what’s going on, like all of it. She’s not the same….and I just….it doesn’t feel right. Instead of being happy about her acceptance, I feel more disappointed than anything and worrisome.”

“Why? She’s got everything you wanted.”

Because you pushed her away, she’s gone farther and farther away from you. Because you wanted to be immature enough to push her away because you LIKED HER, she’s finding comfort and friends elsewhere, one side chided.

But they aren’t her friends.

It doesn’t matter, the side continued. She doesn’t have you anymore, so she’s turned elsewhere, to the people you wanted her to be like, to the people she’s become.

Everything that she wasn’t. “Except, we-” How can I explain this? “I…she-” He paused once more. “Nothing’s the same.” I don’t want to push her away, he thought. It literally began to pain him to see her this way, to see her mad at him, to see her so absorbed in fads, in fakeness, in someone else. She was his Lima bean…and now…

I wonder if that’s why she never hung out with me much when I was around everyone else. Of course, there was always the friction from others and she never felt like subjecting herself to it, but what if…what if she never wanted to be around me while I was around my friends. He wouldn’t lie, his mannerisms were slightly different-

But not by much, he argued. I treat everyone the same, right? I act the same around everyone else, right?

Or do I?

Am I like that?

Jeff turned his head lazily to the side, staring at the scenery that seemed to whiz by his window. “I’m sorry, but I thought that was the point?”

“Yeah-no! Like, she’s so different.”

Jeff simply shrugged his shoulders. “She’s like Janna; a little milder and not nearly as horny, but-”

A groan escaped Chris’ lips. “Please don’t say that.”

“I’m so confused man. This was the point. I mean…look at her! She’s got friends, I mean hell, she ousted Janna from the queen bee position within two soccer games!”

“But she’s nothing like she was before.” His voice quieted to a soft murmur. “I…I miss her.”

“You what?”

“I miss her. The point is Selina has changed, and I’m positive it’s for the worse.”

“Please don’t be mixing this with your own little envy thing of Nate, okay?”

“No, this isn’t Nate…this is simply her, simply and purely Selina now.”

“Well, these were the people you wanted her to hang out with.”

“I just… I just wanted her to be accepted by them, not necessarily be them, not permanently.”

“Well if it’s not okay for her to be like them, why did you want her to hang with them?”

That’s a good question. What was he thinking when the whole idea occurred? The dance, the beach-

Her tears.

If they would just see her…if they would just be more open to her-

That’s what Chris thought anyway. All she would need was an opportunity, just one. All she would need was just to change a little bit so that people would take the chance to get to know her and accept her, so that there would be no need for justification of Chris and Selina hanging out, of them talking, of them even associating with one another…

Never like this, he thought finally. “I just…I think I’ve made a huge mistake with her. And I…I miss things. Like I miss sharing lunches together and talking in Calculus and I miss us talking like we used to. And now,” he scowled in spite of himself, “ now this thing with Nate.”

“Our little Selina is all growed up and dating.”

“She’s not dating Nate!”

“How do you know? You never talk to her anyway, do you?”

Chris shrank in his seat. She had pulled away from him, from sharing things with him. He rejected her once when she came to him about Nathan and now she was returning it, tenfold. It was that moment that had defined the past two weeks.

“I…I try to, sometimes.” The one time it seemed that she was opening up to him, he cut her off and pushed her away because HE didn’t want to hear it. And then to go back and try to talk to her just made things even more difficult. Why would she want to waste her time on me, he thought, when there are plenty of other people willing to give her attention full time, no matter what the topic-

As long as she was like them. This had reached beyond simple acceptance. She was getting what she wanted from others with the condition that she act like them. She had tried even harder to remain in her peers good graces, that much was evident and it was even clearer to Chris to see her modest move toward them, to her complete immersion after their argument. How could he ever feel comfortable telling her anything when he could see how different she was? How could he when she wouldn’t even have time for him, or even want time with him?

It all resulted from his hot and cold complex. It was the game that he started and now, he didn’t like playing by it anymore. “It’s weird to talk to her and see her the way that she is at school. I don’t think she’d like…blab everything I tell her, but it’s just weird for me to see two people in the same person and one of the people be someone I talk to, like really talk to. I’m to the point where I don’t even like to see her like this. It’s too weird for me. I half way don’t want her to see me like this, but….” He sighed heavily rolling his head around his shoulders. “I don’t know…”

That’s bull, Jeff thought with a chuckle. “Yes you do. I don’t get you. Whenever you go out, you watch her to make sure nothing happens to her and then when you choose not to go out, it’s cuz you don’t want to see her this way. Well like it or not man, this is the way it is. You can’t keep your eye on her all the time and then can’t go around secluding yourself because ‘oh I don’t recognize my friend anymore, waa, waa…’ She’s grown and last I checked, she has a daddy. She doesn’t need another, man.”

“I worry about her, Jeff. Don’t lecture me on this. You know how nasty things can get.”

“If you don’t want her in this, then you shouldn’t have pushed for it. It can’t be little of this little of that. It’s all or nothing here, you know that.”

“Well, it was a mistake!” he spat. He didn’t need Jeff to tell him that…he didn’t need it at all. He thought it could work. He honestly thought so, that it wouldn’t be all or nothing. “It was a mistake,” he repeated softly. “Don’t you think so? Think about it Jeff. I know that you and Selina were never really that close and that basically your only tie to her was through me, but doesn’t this just seem off to you, wrong to you? It was never supposed to go this far, right? Did you ever once in your life think that Selina would be the one you’d see in the squeal crew? Did you ever think that you would see her acting like a complete ditz or dismissive? Did you EVER think you’d compare her to Janna and say that she was a “milder version” of her? Did you ever?”

“No…” His response was quiet and immediate. Damn, Jeff thought, that does seem off.

“Does it seem right, now?”

“No, I guess it doesn’t.”

“So now what?”

“Look, I don’t know. This is really between the both of you. Maybe you can talk to her about it or something. ” Jeff knew it was a cop out answer, but he also knew that this really wasn’t his place. While he could feel guilt creeping up his back when thinking about the day David became involved, when thinking about how enthusiastic he had been about the whole idea, it still wasn’t his place. “I’m tired of this, okay?” He was tired of seeing Chris miserable. It did nothing for HIS mood. Shifting in his seat once more, Jeff rolled his eyes. “I gotta admit, I miss the old freaky Greek. I really do but it’s been done. You won’t be able to go back, no way. And if you tell her what you did, what you had Dave do-”

“I know.” She’ll hate me. Not just be mad and get over it, but she will full blown hate me. It was an interesting thing to watch the effect Chris had on Selina, with every hug and every look. It didn’t exist now and there were no amount of hugs in the world to correct what he had done.

“Look, all I know is this. You two just need to talk, like seriously. Maybe you don’t have to tell her what happened persay, but Luke, maybe you can swing good old Darth back to the good side with a little dark side chicanery.”

“I dunno. I’m tired of this behind the back stuff. I feel…I feel I owe her more than that. I owe her a lot more than that.”

“Well look at Secrest, trying to act noble.”

Chris knew that Jeff was trying to crack a joke, but the words rang truer with a sting he did not want to admit. “Jeff, do you think I was selfish about this? About the whole thing?”

“Maybe…I don’t know man, not in your shoes.” Jeff knew his intentions were selfish, that he wasn’t thinking of Selina when he himself had pushed for it, but also, he found himself not caring about Selina nearly as much as Chris did. She was Chris’ friend, not his, but that still didn’t mean he was exempt from all that had happened. “I knew why I wanted it, but I wasn’t too sure about you. I still didn’t completely understand everything, but I got a feeling. I could maybe, possibly see the why, but didn’t think it’d go this far. I don’t know. You think it was more for her or you?”

Chris hesitated. Was it solely for her?

Jeff just shook his head once more and turned to the window. “I think you just got your answer.”

“I thought I’d feel better about this, but things just got a hell of a lot worse.” Chris sighed softly. I’m sorry Selina.

Chris and Jeff arrived at the Haridian Hornets stadium 20 minutes before game time. The “skins”, random guys at the school who spelled out ‘PANTHERS’ on their chests, were turned around, hyping their student section up. Jeff laughed loudly and started screaming with them. “Oh yeah Paulson! You better do your thang!”

“Secrest!”

“Hey playa!”

Chris offered a few people a small smile and quick wave before making his way into the stands. He received the normal slaps on the back and high fives as he made his way toward Jeff. This was his crew, his people, but as he looked around, looked from left to right, how many of these people had he actually had a serious conversation with? How many had he ever shared anything of any importance with?

None.

They were his crew, but they weren’t his friends.

His friend was currently warming up on the soccer field, laughing about something her goalie had said.

Chris sighed once more. I can change…I can do something about this. What was it Mia had gotten on him about? Why was he sitting around doing nothing about Selina? Why not do something? Perhaps he didn’t have to tell her everything immediately, but he could at least clear the air, at least get them on speaking terms again.

Before everything went to hell.

No, he thought. It won’t. She deserves this….and I need this, he thought with a small smile. Yeah, why not?

The thought warmed his spirits, the thought of at least speaking to Selina, of attempting to explain himself, of attempting to put forth the effort to talk to her. Selina would recognize it and would not turn away from him. If there was one thing that he could believe it was that she would be able to see when he really need to talk to her and would always give her ear. There were a few times when she had by passed him, but that was partially because of his doing. That would change. It would change tonight.

The game ended 5-2, with the win going to Paulson. Chris leaned against the chain link fence, drumming his hands against the metal. His fingers nearly froze when he saw Selina immerging from the sea of dirtied red jerseys. A few of the girls wagged their fingers at Chris, as they always did. And as he always did, Chris waved back and offered a wink with his devilish smile that he was so known for. He looked down with a slight shake of his head at the blushes that filled some of the girls’ cheeks. Right, he thought. Grin, wink, wave and they’ll forever adore you, he thought half-heartedly.

Looking up once more, he frowned when he couldn’t find Selina. Scanning the field, he saw her back turned, bending to the ground to pick up something. She had picked up the mystery item and proceeded to talk with one of her coaches.

“You done good, kid.”

Selina smiled brightly at the pat on her back by Coach Irving. “Thanks coach.” Selina’s toes briefly tapped her red and white soccer ball as she made her way across the soccer field. Her gaze was down as she eyed the field. If she could, she’d play another game right then and there. Her smiled brightened as she noted the divots in the ground and cleat marks. I’m such a dork, she thought with a small chuckle. Returning her thoughts to the conversation at hand, she tacked on quickly. “I didn’t do much, though.”

“Two goals is mighty impressive. I was hoping for a hat trick.”

Selina shrugged her shoulders. She really hadn’t done much. Mia stepped up her game that night after having gained at least eight breakaways, three of which resulted in the other three goals of the night. “Just got lucky. The goalie likes to come out too much. Plus, Regina and Mia gave me some great balls.”

When is she going to stop placing her success at someone else’s feet? Daniel shook his graying head with a tsk. Selina offered him a questioning look. “You know Selina, there is also such a thing as skill. And last time I checked, you have plenty of it.”

She shook her head and gave a small yelp when he rubbed his hand over her head. “Thanks.”

“Also, I wanted to comment on how you’ve stepped up to the leadership role, since the current leadership is um…in time out.” Selina opened her mouth for moment, but quickly closed it. “I’ll never understand how someone like that Snyder kid became captain.”

“She is well liked, lot of people know her and she is the take charge type.”

“But she doesn’t know a thing about sportsmanship, or humility, though Darien knocked her down a little.”

“Selina!”

Selina whipped her head to her right. Her smile fell slightly.

Chris.

She was still mad at him for acting immature, spoiled and flaky. Whenever she’d see him, he’d be off in his own little world, always thinking about something-

About something he obviously doesn’t want to share. He doesn’t have to tell me everything, Selina would think to herself. After all, how many times had she told him that when it pertained to herself? It still didn’t excuse his standoffish behavior, his random bouts of chattiness and reclusion.

Daniel shared a glimpse between the two teens and shook his head once more. He knew those looks; he’d shared them with his wife for what seemed to be far too many times. Clearing his throat, he tacked on, “But oh well, I won’t dwell on that.” Patting Selina on her back, he added cheerfully, “Enjoy yourself kiddo, get ready for the next one.”

Selina turned her head back to her coach, offering him a warm smile. “See you later Coach Irving.” She watched him walk off for a moment before returning her eyes to Chris.

Chris felt himself recoil slightly from her stance. Her gaze was half icy, half annoyed. “Um…hey.”

Selina bent down and scooped her soccer ball underneath her arm. Shifting her soccer bag, she yanked the zipper open with her free hand. “Hey.” I’m not opening myself up only to be pushed away by you, she said silently. I won’t do it. You aren’t worth it.

Chris ran a nervous hand through his hair. How do I start this off? “Good game out there.”

She stuffed the ball into the bag and zipped it up quickly. “Thanks.” That’s right Secrest, get the preliminaries out of the way so I can be on my way.

“Step closer to state now, so that’s always good.”

“Yup.” She folded her arms across her chest as she began to make her way toward the field exit. He’s grabbing for any and all conversation except for the one we ought to be having, she thought.

Chris felt his shoulders drop. Why were their conversations like this? Talking had always been easy between them before and now…

He had to resort to the preliminary good game and how are you.

What all do I want to tell you? He sighed as he jogged after her. Apologize for my crappy act, give an explanation of some sort. “Hey,” he called out, “I saw your dad a few days ago. He said you’re confirming with Notre Dame?” Dammit! You wuss!

Selina walked through the exit, idly pushing a random strand of hair behind her sweaty ear. “Yeah.”

The only reason Chris had found out was because he needed more pictures of Selina for her birthday gift. He couldn’t hide his disappointment when her dad mentioned Notre Dame so casually, under the impression that his daughter had shared this information with her friend. “Well,” he started as he stuffed his hands into his jean pockets, “good luck with that.”

Selina circled him and leaned her hip against the chain link fence. “Thanks.” She watched the dispersing crowd with little interest, catching herself snorting at the skins as they proceeded to lift some of the girls from the soccer team into the air, proceeding to commence with the playoff tradition of air pushups at the end of every playoff win for twice the score.

Chris’ eyes fell to the ground, suddenly finding the gravel a lot more interesting to stare at rather than Selina’s uninterested face. “Their soccer program’s great. Three National Championships in what...four years? And their engineering and law program is pretty awesome.” This is a waste of time. She’s pissed at me and I…am…sinking fast.

“I know.”

Chris’ head shot up quickly. “Two word answer, sweet!”

Selina turned her head toward his face with half a chuckle. “What?”

Well, that got her attention, he thought. “Selina, please.” Sighing, Chris turned his body more toward her. Well, here goes, he thought. He still didn’t know what he was going to say, but just hoped that whatever it was that he felt he needed to say would come out in the most cogent and direct way possible. That was the hope anyway. “Look, Selina I know that we don’t-don’t really have the time for this right now, but I…what about afterward? I would…it would mean a lot to me, that is, if we could talk or-”

“Won’tcha tell me who is goin’ to state, we are! We are! Knockin’ out the competition ev’ry day, we are, we are! Forget them haters all over the place-”

Mia pushed the blonde jokingly. “Would you shut up with that dumb cheer, Kelly?!”

“It’s not dumb! You’re just jealous cuz’ you didn’t think of it.”

Mia took a step back and stared at the girl incredulously. Why would I ever be jealous of such a stupid cheer! “I am not jealous.” She jabbed a finger the girl’s way. “Trust….I am not jealous.”

“Hey Selina c’mon!” Janie said with a quick tug of Selina’s arm.

“Yeah, c’mon,” Kelly whined, “skin push ups, woo hoo!”

“Oh snap, and there’s, like, totally a party at my house after this. I feel like I deserve a skip tomorrow.”

“Sweet, J. I’m there; you goin’ Lina?” Jessica asked.

Selina’s eyes widened from the constant tugging on her arms. Too many conversations for me, she thought quickly. “Uh-” Selina shared a quick glimpse between the four girls and Chris. While it did sound as though Chris really DID want to talk, she could always just talk to him later. Now was a time to celebrate with her teammates, to celebrate her own personal victories. It was her time.

Mia’s eyes fell on Chris’ fatigued figure. He rubbed a hand over his face, sighing softly as his eyes trailed the ground. He shook his head more at himself than anywhere else. There was a hint of annoyance etched in his face as well, but could be easily overlooked if one didn’t look hard enough. Mia cleared her throat, slapping Janie and Kelly’s hands off of Selina. “You spazzes, can’t you see they’re in the middle of something? Let’s go.” Chris’ head rose, his eyes finding Mia’s, silently telling her thank you. She found herself face heating up slightly from the intensity, but quickly shook the feeling away. Damn Chris Secrest and his looks. She watched him turn his dark eyes toward Selina with a keen look.

Kelly looked between the two and blushed. “Oh, my bad! Were we interrupting something?” It was all over both of their faces that something big was going down and she would, of course, want all of the juicy details of it later. It was amazing how absorbed and focused Chris was on Selina; they hadn’t even been dating! Or were they?

Chris stopped himself from rolling his eyes. I think THAT’S pretty obvious, he thought bitingly. “Ye-”

“No.” Selina noted the slight jolt Chris’ body took when she answered. “I don’t think you were.” Selina returned the look, prompting him with her eyes. “It’s not important. Is it, Chris?” She could always, always talk to him later about this. From the sounds of it, they would need more time anyway; hadn’t he said that himself? But oh no, this was her time. She wanted to enjoy herself, with her teammates, without worrying about one of her friends and why he was having issues.

“Oh, cuz, we could leave and stuff. We can just hang at the party,” Janie volunteered.

“Yeah, you’ve gotta come. J has, like, an Olympic size pool. It’s crazy! It’s gonna be off the chain.”

“On a Wednesday night?”

Janie placed her hand on her hip in a huff. “Yeah Kelly. You in Selina or what?”

Mia began to shake her head. “You guys, c’mon-”

Part of Selina lashed out at her thinking. What was wrong with her?!

Nothing, another part screamed back. I’m looking out for me. I’m tired of this touch and quit crap. How important to you is it, Secrest? If it was that important, he would stop her, wouldn’t he? “I’ll be there,” Selina continued, “but I don’t think there’s anything left here. Nothing important, right Chris?”

Chris had gone nearly slack jawed. Was she this mad at him? This angry with him that she would blow him off like this, again? She had pushed him to the side before, but now she was blatantly blowing him off. Even after he said that he wanted to talk to her tonight, she said yes to the party and then…

Hell yes this is important, his mind screamed. He was about to say yes, when an even uglier thought came to mind: what if I say yes, and she then walk away. The like had already happened before, but if she rejected him THIS time, like this, in front of everyone-

Forget everyone, his mind yelled. What about me? What about us?!

Screw it.

Chris quickly regained his composure and stuffed his hands into his pockets with a huff. “No.” I can’t believe you, Lina. I…I can’t…His eyes were still tight, but he plastered one of his famous smiles and shook his head slowly. “No, I…I guess not.”

Selina blinked rapidly. His voice, he…he couldn’t disguise the hurt in his eyes. And, it was his fake smile, the plastic one he put on all the while gritting his teeth. She had seen it and she heard it in his voice. She could generally tell whenever it took on a false tone and this definitely was it. She widened her eyes in response, silently asking “Chris?” Step to this if you even care at all…

Kelly raised an eyebrow, giving the two a skeptical look once more. “Um…okay.”

I can’t believe she….I…“It’s…” He was too hurt to say anything, to upset to do anything but…try to save face. She was giving him the cold shoulder…were these girls that more important that she would just disregard a communication problem they had been having for the past couple of weeks? He looked down for a moment before looking up quickly, a casual smile on his lips. Waving his hand nonchalantly, he replied, “It was nothing. Good job again. All of you. Completely takin’ state by storm. They aren’t ready for ya.” He looked between the girls, smiling as he always did-

But he couldn’t look at Selina, not right now.

Janie’s face brightened at the attention. “Aww thanks Chris!”

“You’re such a doll, Chris,” Kelly squealed as she wrapped her arms around him in an embrace.

Chris stumbled backward from the abrupt action but quickly regained his composure and balance. He gave her tiny waist a quick squeeze before backing away with a wink. Kelly squealed once more.

“So are you coming tonight, Chris?”

“Uh, no, I’m afraid I’ll have to pass.”

Janie poked her bottom lip out. “But why?”

“Well, I’ve…got some work to finish and whatnot. While going to the party of probably the most gorgeous hostess around is tempting, we can’t have me flunking out of high school as well.”

“Well fine then, I see how you want to be.”

“Oh no, J. You…” he reached for her hand a placed a small kiss on the back of her hand, “you have my SINCEREST apologies.” Chris smiled.

Janie blushed.

Selina scowled. She almost, ALMOST regretted what she had done. She ALMOST wanted to stop all of them and back out of it, back out of the party and pull Chris aside.

But there he is, she thought. Look at him acting two faced…is he challenging me?

“Congrats on your mad ball blockin’ skills. I didn’t know you could move like that.”

“I was off tonight.”

“Jessica, you were…phenomenal. You really made some game saving…” Chris gave a dramatic pause before lacking at his lack of a better word, “saves.”

Jessica turned her head away with a bright grin. “Secrest, you suck up.”

“Just tryin’ to stay on your good side.”

“Good job.”

“Mia Hamm, whadda do baby! That was what? A trick hat?”

“Hat trick.”

“Little magician you! No but for real, good job you guys, for real.”

Mia smile in spite of herself. “Thanks.”

“Well, it’s been great, but I’ve got to retrieve my compatriot, Jeffery.”

“See ya Chris.”

“I’ll see you guys later.” He offered his wolfish grin to the three girls in front of him, but when his eyes reached Selina’s, he simply nodded his head. “Bye.”

“Bye Chris.” And with that, tall dark suave Chris Secrest sauntered away with his tell tale strut. His back was to the group of girls, his shoulders back and head up.

But it was a good thing they could only see his back and none of his face.

The mask fell and the creases of disappointment came over his face. He was not only dismissed by his best friend as though it was the easiest thing in the world, but she disregarded his feelings point blank. Selina could read him better than anybody ever could, with the exception of his mother, and she-

“Hey Secrest! Why so glum, chum?!”

“Yeah, we saw your mad mackin’ skills over there. Five starters at once, eh? Not too bad my man!”

The smile reemerged and Chris was back to being Cool Chris Secrest. But even so, he cast a quick glance over his shoulder, only to find Selina walking off with the girls around, smiling about something. He turned back around and pretended nothing happened.

That’s all he could do. After all, he still had an image to maintain.

Janie nodded her head with a sly grin, elbowing Selina in the side. “I see you, I see you.”

Selina stumbled slightly from the loss of balance. Eyeing the smaller girl with a raised brow she responded with confusion in her voice. “Um…I see you too?”

“No! How you’re workin’ Chris over like that.”

Huh?! “What are you talking about?”

Kelly smiled brightly. “You’re pretty good at that whole hard to get thing.”

“Yeah, for real, give me pointers.”

Selina shook her head dazedly. “I’m so lost.” Hard…hard to get?

Kelly rolled her eyes. “She doesn’t want to share…”

“Self absorbent.”

“Self-absorbed?” Mia questioned with annoyance.

Janie’s hands shot up. “Whatever!” Janie’s annoyance faded as some of the guys began to wave them over. “OOH! Do me next!” she shouted as she jogged over.

“Wait for me J!”

Selina shook her head as she watched Kelly run off after her friend. She had received crowd push ups before, this year being her first time. It was fun, but it scared her to no end, knowing that one slip of the hand could send her crashing into the stands. “Selina?”

Selina redirected her attention to Mia, readjusting her soccer bag strap in the process. “Yeah.”

Mia had stood quietly, watching Selina and Chris interact and she would have stopped Janie, Jessica, and Kelly if she had known they were going to interrupt. But Mia stood quietly, more than willing to leave them alone, but Selina…she…“Why did you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Why did you blow Chris off like that?”

“Oh.” Selina rolled her eyes as she tightened her grip on her bag. “I don’t want any of the pussy footin’ around simple talk. I don’t like empty talk with him. He knows that.”

“Did you stop to think that maybe he was working his way up to something else? That maybe it was hard for him to come to you?”

“He knows he can come to me about anything of importance.”

Mia scoffed at the comment. “Obviously not, not after what you just pulled.”

“He’s the one not opening up.”

“He just tried to!”

“If it was that important, he would have stopped me, or said something. He wasn’t saying anything of any substance before you guys walked up.” He did want to meet up tonight to talk though…

But the party is tonight! He’ll be around when I get back…

But it sounded important, important to him anyway, one side chimed.

Mia couldn’t believe this. Certainly they must had not been looking at the same Chris. They couldn’t have been, either that, or Selina headed the ball too much that night. “He was about to!” Mia didn’t need to have been there the entire time to see that. It was obvious!

Selina whipped her head in Mia’s direction. “How do you know? Why are you even on his side?!”

Oh no she didn’t! “I’m not on any side! I’m just trying to understand what would possess you to act like a bitch to one of your best friends. I just want to know the excuse that you have for acting so totally rude to someone who is obviously so miserable about something and who obviously wants to talk but can’t get the words right or better yet, just…probably just wants to spend time with you.”

“How do you know all of that? Has he been pinning you against me?” Oh great, she thought. I bet he has. Just going out and making himself the victim by looking pitiful and mopey.

Why is Selina making this about herself? Why is she painting herself as a victim? “No, but I’ve recognized that look because I did the same thing, I DO the same thing. You might be mad at him for whatever, but something’s wrong, even you can’t deny that and a real friend doesn’t push, bail, blow off then bitch.”

“I didn’t do that!”

“Maybe not at first, but you are now. If he wants to talk, he’ll come to you in his own time. That was his time. Good luck now.”

“Mia I just-”

“Selina, I don’t know what’s with you, but –”

“What’s with me?! What are you talking about?!”

“This! You! How you’re acting! This is ridiculous! I don’t….I don’t even know what to say to you about this. I don’t know what’s going on with you two-”

“You sure are right about that Mia. You DON’T know what’s going on. Why are you butting in? You don’t have a clue about what’s going on. You don’t know how childish he’s acting, how stupid, standoffish and reclusive. He pushes me away and then expects me to talk to him? He expects me to drop all of what I am doing for him? Are you serious?”

“And just what were you doing that was so important?”

“I really just wasn’t feeling up to talking to him. I don’t know about you but I’m ready to celebrate and I really don’t feel like having Chris’ drama bring me down.”

If Selina’s mental side was human, she would have slapped herself for that.

Mia’s entire body froze. Her voice was calm, her body still, her normally warm brown eyes chilly. “What the hell did you just say?”

She felt a sharp pain inside of her, instantly regretting what she just said, but she was angry and annoyed. “What’s wrong with you?” Couldn’t Mia understand that she was tired of being yanked around? That maybe she was just pissed and angry enough to WANT to do something for herself instead of always worrying about Chris and about what was wrong with him? That boy carries more mood swings than I do, she thought hurriedly. I’m tired of being caught up in them.

Mia jammed a finger at herself incredulously. “Me?” She turned her finger toward Selina. “YOU’RE the one with the problem.”

“Obviously, I am not the one with the problem. And besides, I just told you he won’t open up. He pushes ME away!”

“Did you ever think that maybe you’re why?!”

“What?” Me? What did I do?! Selina’s hands shot up. “Right. It’s my fault. It’s always my flippin’ fault. You can go tell Chris that this little ploy of his isn’t going to work.”

“What ploy?! When are you gonna learn that not everything is about you? That maybe, just maybe, not everyone is out to get you. What I saw was someone trying to come to you about something and he was obviously having a hard time. I saw your face change when he gave up. It’s one thing if you hadn’t seen it, but I saw you…You saw it! Why ….why are you doing this?” Mia through her hands toward the laughing crowd, her voice practically squeaking in frustration. “So you could hang with J, Jess and Kelly? With them? Is that it?”

“What?! That doesn’t have anything to do with it. If it was important enough, he would have stopped me. He would have said something instead of…” Selina’s mouth twisted as she fumbled over her words. “Ugh!” she hissed. Rubbing a quick hand through her hair, she spat, “Instead of him….him CHALLENGING me as though I was bluffing or something! My life doesn’t revolve around making HIM happy and obeying HIS every whim! If it meant something to him, he would have and SHOULD HAVE said something instead of putting up his little façade of smiling and winking and joking and-”

Mia’s voice calmed, her face stoic. “Maybe he just thought you were blowing him off like you’ve BEEN doing and he was trying not to feel like an idiot for attempting. Nobody likes to be embarrassed, Selina. You of all people should know that.”

“What?” I have not been blowing him off, I’m just tired of him being a brat.

He was never a brat; he just didn’t open up.

You are so angry at him, one side thought, for keeping something to himself that you’d purposely ignore him because you were tired of him saying he’d tell you later?

He blew me off!

So you return it again and again and again?

The wheels began to turn in Selina’s head as a sinking feeling began multiplying in her gut.

Mia threw her hands up in defeat. “I’m done Selina. I’m not fighting with you over Chris or whatever. But let me just be the one to tell you that you need to check yourself or else the few real friends you’ve got will be gone.”

Selina watched Mia walk away idly, but something inside of her rang with queasiness. She felt as though some truth existed in her words, but…but she hadn’t really been that bad about things, had she? She just wanted him to stop with his behavior and, perhaps, part of her wanted to feel needed, wanted to feel and see him struggle with something and try to come to her about it. While it made her feel important, she really had been tired of his constant pushing.

But tonight was different. There was no pushing away, only him wanting to speak with her. Hadn’t that been what she wanted? Hadn’t she wanted him to come to her about what was going on? Wasn’t that the goal? When did hanging out with the soccer team become more important than seeing about her friend?

When you practically took charge of the team, that’s when. Selina looked up at that moment, only to find Chris staring at her. His face was expressionless, his eyes cold. He shifted his weight onto his left foot which as currently propped up on the stands. He looked at the ground for a moment before turning his back to her completely.

Her body shivered.

It was at this moment that Selina looked around herself, eyeing her soccer team, acting as rambunctious as always, loud and laughing with the remaining students of the student section. She saw Mia shake her head at Janie, smile and walk away. Once her back was turned, her smile fell and her face became one filled with exhaustion.

Selina turned her gaze back to Chris’ direction, but found that she couldn’t find him. When she turned around again to find Mia, her shoulders slumped with the realization that she had left as well. It was amazing how true Mia’s words rang at that moment.

The team tiredly got back onto the school bus and head back toward Paulson High. Some of the girls giggled and laughed with tired voices, while others discussed what they were wearing to Janie’s pool party. Selina sat beside one of her teammates, her body twisted on the seat so to face the people sitting behind her. She smiled and nodded, not really paying attention to their conversation. While she was in the inner circle, invited into the conversations, she had never felt like such inside outsider.

Selina called Chris once she got home.

No answer.

She went to his house before she left for the party. No answer. “Well if he’s gonna be selfish about it, then fine,” she said half heartedly. Now where did this leave them?

…………

Chris sighed heavily as he reached a finger to the doorbell. He told himself that he would behave. This isn’t about me, he thought. THIS is not about me. It was the anniversary of Selina’s mother’s death and they made it a habit to go to her gravesite in the morning for the past eight years. He wasn’t about to let what he was feeling or whatever it was that happened between them ruin this for Selina and for himself. While Selina’s mother died when he was ten, he could remember her smile, her laughter and her kindness. He had loved her as his own mother and today, he wouldn’t dare ruin her memory because of the bickering he and Selina were currently undergoing. Tomorrow, maybe, but not today, not right now.

Selina sighed heavily before rubbing a hand over her face. She readjusted her white soccer jersey before sighing once more. Another playoff game had come and gone, leaving Selina antsy. Playoffs were always a large part of Selina’s life-

But it always fell around the time of her mother’s death.

Her hands froze as she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Dropping her hands to her side, Selina peered into the eyes of her reflection, peering into the very same eyes she inherited from her mother. She looked past the two honey orbs and stared deep, deep passed the reflection into the past. A pat on the head, a warm hug and just like that , Selina was six again, looking up in awe at her mother.

The caramel hand passed the wooden brush through its owner’s hair, stilling itself at the feel of a familiar pair of beady eyes. The hand dropped to the counter in front of its owner and deposited the brush with a soft clink. The hand moved toward Selina’s smaller body with agility and grace. It paused for a moment over the child’s head, before gently landing on a crown of hair. With a smooth stroke, the fingers combed their way through a messy tangle, unknotting the hair with a loving touch.

The older woman smiled softly at the child before bending down. With their faces only inches apart, she deposited a small kiss, her lips caressing the child’s forehead with such warmth, that the young girl sighed with contentment. Shutting her eyes, she attempted to remain in the moment for just a few seconds longer.

And just like that , the kind lips were gone, the loving touch had ceased. Selina opened her eyes once more only to find herself standing alone in front of the mirror of her bathroom. The hazel eyes stared absently at the reflection, anger creasing its owner’s face. I hate missing you, Selina thought to herself. “I hate it. I hate missing you so flippin’ much!”

DING DONG.

Selina whipped her head from her mirror toward bathroom door. Glimpsing at the clock in the bathroom, she stared at the ticking hands with confusion. Who would come by at six a.m? Dropping her brush on the bathroom counter, Selina sighed once more as she skittered out of the bathroom and down the wooden staircase. “Maybe dad forgot his key or something,” she spoke aloud. She reached for the door knob, and opened the door semi cautiously. What she found at her doorstep were a pair of broad shoulders, the owner with his back to her, but she didn’t need to see the face to know who it was. “What are you doing here?”

Chris whirled on heels toward the front door, his face as calm and passive as he could muster. Stuffing his hands in his jean pockets, he responded with his casual tone. “I’ve come to take you to your mother’s site.”

This was the last thing she needed right now. This day, this time was not about to be about her and she knew that she would not be able to fully concentrate on what really mattered right then there if the current cause of her teenage discomfort was standing beside her the entire time. “That’s okay Chris. I don’t need-”

Chris shook his head. “Yeah you do.” Chris gave her a once over look, noting her obvious discomfort at his presence. “I’ll be outside waiting for you.”

Selina took a deep breath before exhaling slowly. He came to support you. What would mom say if she knew you were being rude to that “oh so sweet Secrest boy?” Nothing, Selina thought, she’d just give me one of her frosty glares. Sighing once more, Selina shook her head. “Look, uh. Don’t bother. Just come on in.”

“Well, it’s good to see you being so cordial,” he mumbled with a half hearted chuckle. I couldn’t help it, he thought with an internal scoff. I just could not help it…

At least, I didn’t mean to say it out loud.

Selina’s footsteps stopped abruptly, her eye turning into slits. This is exactly why I didn’t want you here, she thought angrily. She turned on her heels, the tight scowl never leaving her face. She couldn’t help rising to the bait. “Screw you Secrest, don’t start with me. Not right now; not today. No one asked you to come here-”

“But someone did.”

Selina scoffed at him. “What?” And then she remembered a time, once when she and he were younger… she smiled inwardly in spite of herself. “That was once.”

“And it’s been an understood question ever since.”

While his presence was admirable, it still didn’t change the situation, it didn’t change the fact that they were two friends in the middle of a fight and, she thought, it doesn’t change the fact that you just had to cast a line. “I don’t want you around me like this.”

Chris tightened his jaw at her tone. Didn’t she understand that he was bigger than this?

Maybe not after his last comment.

He shook his head slowly. No matter what was going on with him, standing beside her and honoring a great woman would always, ALWAYS take precedence over anything else?

Apparently not. He reached for Selina’s forearm, giving it a small squeeze in hopes of getting her attention. “Selina…” His voice was calm, his breathing deep, his face filled with determination. She’s going to hear this, he thought sternly. If she doesn’t listen to anything else I say, he thought bitterly, she will hear this. “If you fall, I’ll give you a hand; if you cry, I am there with a hug and a sleeve; if you stumble, I’ll catch you. No matter what Selina, no matter what, when you need it, I’m there. I’ll be there…” Scoffing, he let go of her arm. “Hell, I AM here. I’m here for that purpose, Lima bean. I won’t be any way around you, Selina, except supportive, the way I’ve always been. And besides, I loved your mom too; you know that. I would never do anything to…to disrespect her. Never.”

Selina swallowed heard from the dark intensity of his bluish violet eyes. She could always tell when he was serious about something or felt especially passionate about something because his eyes would change colors. There was a softness hidden behind the flint. There was determination in his voice and honesty in his eyes.

Honesty, she thought. Selina knew Chris loved her mother. There was no doubt about that. And perhaps I am being overly emotional, making a problem when there isn’t even one, she thought. This wasn’t the first time they had had an argument and it fall around this time. And Chris was there, as he said, always.

A guilty pang struck her. I’ve been getting those a lot lately, she sardonically thought. “I know…” she opened her mouth to say something else…

Perhaps an ‘I’m sorry?’

But to no avail. Instead, she simply repeated herself softly, “I know…”

//////A.N. More is to come a lot sooner than my previous hiatus….girl scouts honor!