Alone At Christmas

Jacob’s hands were cold and as he brought them to his mouth his breath did little to warm them.  His breath blew clouds in the freezing weather and he tucked his hands under his arms to protect them from the bite of the wind. 

Jacob wore rags, all that he could afford or scavenge from the streets.  Life had not treated him kindly, taking from him everything in a story that had been written into his mind using tears for ink. 

His worn and tattered clothes did little to protect him from the winter day.  The hostel he would normally have gone to was no more and no one seemed to have remembered to open somewhere for Jacob and the others like him that lived on the streets.  It was the time of year for giving and merriment, but people seemed to have forgotten that over the past few days.  As they’d walked by Jacob and his humble begging cup, only precious few coins had been dropped.  With only barely enough for a small and cheap snack, Jacob had spent the money he’d got yesterday on food.  Yesterday; Christmas Eve.  People still so busy, rushing around to sort out last minute things for their Christmas celebrations, buying those almost forgotten about ‘little’ presents, finishing the last day of work before their holidays. 

It was early morning and as Jacob looked around the snow covered streets, he saw no one.  Not a single soul was about at this early time in the morning, the streets of the town he lived in at the moment were deserted. 

Jacob coughed, his illness nothing more than a natural accompaniment to his age and the hard life he now experienced each day.  With each cough, the pain in his chest made itself known and Jacob raised a shaking hand to try to rub that pain away. 

Jacob carried all his few possessions in the pockets of the long coat he wore.  In tatters and with only one pocket without a hole, the coat did little to offer some small protection from the weather. 

On his head, the homeless man wore an old fashioned hat that had not been worn with pride since the fifties.  Like his trousers and his shoes, the hat was old and worn but had been made to last and so did the job it was meant to well enough. 

The crisp and untrodden snow crunched under his shoe as Jacob began walking, trying to keep himself warm by keeping his circulation flowing. 

Jacob looked up at the huge Christmas tree just inside the entrance of the public Square where he had spent the freezing night.  Within the Square was an old building used to sell drinks in Summer time, it’s doorway was more sheltered than most and so had kept the old man out of the wind through the night. 

The tree was beautifully decorated and now with the snow painting the top of each decoration it looked even more like a child’s picture for their perfect Christmas tree for Santa to leave presents under. 

The woman watched as Jacob slowly walked away from where she was sitting.  Her skin was a white as the snow, her lips a pale pink and like her sister, she had long blonde hair.  But where her sister had a warm and healthy look about her which shone through her bright blue eyes, Sadness seemed as far different as she could be.  Her eyes were so dark that they put her hair out in sharp contrast.  When looked upon by a mortal, they would see in those dark eyes all the sadness of the world and they would feel an unhappiness in themselves for this girl whose shimmering eyes made her look as though at any moment tears would cover he face.  Sadness, the sister and natural opposite to Happiness, gazed at Jacob as he walked from the Square. 

This morning when he’d woken up, Jacob had not seen the gift that Sadness had given to him.  It was not something that could be unwrapped and cherished, in fact it was something that he had only barely noticed.  But Sadness’ gift like her friend Loneliness’ would soon grow when left unattended within a soul. 

Jacob walked passed the shops, their flashing windows bright with festive decorations.  With nowhere to go and nothing to do, Jacob paused for a long while to look into the window of each shop as he passed it.  As he stared at the wonderful displays through the windows, the pain in Jacob’s chest became easier to bare, the sights before him providing a distraction.  The day began to pass as with each window a memory came back to the old man.  Different memories of long ago, when he had been a small boy and had celebrated Christmas with his family. 

As Jacob walked into a road full of houses, these memories were all he could see.  He remembered having a Christmas dinner that his mother had cooked, playing with a new toy his father had bought for him.  He remembered the love that he had not felt now in so many years.  Almost forgotten, feelings of affection together with memories of warmth and fondness for him began to hug Jacob like a blanket as thoughts of his parents returned to him. 

Neither of his parents had lived to the age he now was and with them had gone all the love from his life.  There was no one now.  No family, no friends, not even someone else like him with nowhere to go.  A cold shiver shook Jacob and he continued on down the road, on his way to the night. 

As the day passed on and the sun began to set, an idea to perhaps see one of his memories a little more clearly came to Jacob as he passed a house with it’s front garden filled with Christmas ornaments.  A reindeer stood with a red nose, pulling a sled with a fat Santa statue upon it and Jacob guessed that within the house, a family was together.  In the twilight of the day Jacob crept to the window of the house.  Within he saw that the room was long where the living room and dining room had been combined into one.  At the far end Jacob beheld what he had hoped to see; the family enjoying their Christmas dinner.  Unnoticed, Jacob silently watched as they ate from a huge turkey and each worked their way through a plate of vegetables.  The children, still only young did not eat all that was on their plates, but the parents said nothing to reprimand them. 

The homeless man could not hold back a cough, but the family did not hear or even glance in his direction as Jacob felt the pain in his chest rise up once more and size him for a instant. 

Watching the people eat, Jacob realised how hungry he was and at this realisation he left the family in their happiness. 

Sadness could sense that her sister had been busy.  Her gift was spread thickly about the houses of this road and like the others before, each home was emanating the seed of happiness. 

Sadness stretched out with her feeling and nurtured the gift she had left with Jacob.  A heartbeat later he crouched down and then snuck away from the window he’d been spying through. 

Sadness could feel her sister all about her as she followed Jacob along upon his journey, using her powers to feed the seed she had planted within the soil of Jacob’s soul, while at the same time the despair and the woe emanating from Jacob replenished those powers. 

Sadness followed Jacob, her long grey coat more than enough to blur her from his sight were he to look around and see her.  She left no foot prints as she walked through the settled snow and to anyone that would have seen her, she would have been forgotten in moments. 

As the night covered them, Jacob lead Sadness back to the Square, back to the doorway and she watched from a short distance away as he settled himself back down for another cold night. 

Jacob laid down in the doorway and as he settled himself against the cold, he realised how tired he was.  Barely able to keep his eyes open, he gave in to the weight upon them and allowed them to close.  He was cold and hungry but there was another more wretched feeling within him that gave him a chill worse than the weather and a pain far worse than the hunger.  As Jacob tried to fight off this horrid feeling, he slipped into a dream and began to hear a song;

You are all that my heart ever wanted,

Your love is all that I need.

You are all that my heart ever dreamed of,

With you my love is freed.

The voice that had sung had been beautiful and upon hearing it, the pain within Jacob’s chest eased.  The dream had not yet taken shape in his mind as anything more than a voice and now that voice sung once more;

I dream of you every night when I’m sleeping,

I close my eyes and you’re there.

My dreams of you show a love worth keeping,

A love that I know we could share.

The calming melody made the pain almost disappear and then suddenly Jacob saw a figure in his mind, the source of the voice.  Walking towards him out of an intense and bright light and dressed in a flowing white skirt and a white top, at first all that Jacob could see of her was her silhouette.  Then as she came closer, her features became clearer and Jacob could see her black hair was short, with her fringe just above her eyes.  Her eyes were slanted and the homeless man saw she was Oriental, but that her eyes had an unusual trait.  Unlike other Oriental people Jacob had known, this girl’s eyes were not dark, but instead almost shone in the bright light surrounding her, in a colour of the palest blue which bordered on the edge of grey. 

Jacob was captivated as she sung once more; 

And I know,

Without you,

I cannot find happiness,

For it’s you that I love.

I think of you

And in my heart

I feel happiness,

For it’s you that I love.

As she reached the end of this verse she kneeled in front of Jacob and in sudden excitement he realised his eyes were no longer closed and that this was really happening. 

Her hand gently took his and then with her free hand she cupped the side of his rough face.  Her hand was so soft and warm, her fingers so delicate.  With this soft touch Jacob felt the last of his pain disappear. 

If I have you in my life to come home to,

Then I know things will feel right,

If you love me the way that I love you,

Then our love will always shine bright.

She sang one final time and then the beautiful voice was quiet once more.  For the first time in as long as he could remember, Jacob smiled. 

The girl guided him to his feet and then lead him by the hand towards a crowd that Jacob only now realised had gathered in the source of the light.  As the girl lead him away she looked over her shoulder and smiled softly, but Jacob never saw who the smile was for. 

Sadness watched as the angel smiled softly to her and lead Jacob away.  Looking back as Jacob’s now deserted body, Sadness felt the way she always did… 

As Jacob walked with the beautiful girl into the light, the crowd of people he’d seen surrounded him and he knew that these were more than any of the people he’d known before in his life.  As he truly saw the first of them, he knew that these were angels here to welcome him into Heaven. 

The first was like the singer next to him, a young and beautiful girl, although beautiful seemed far too inadequate a word to describe her.  Her golden hair was long enough that it covered most of her back, some strands draped over her beautiful white wings.  Her face was, as the saying goes, the face of an angel.  Delicately blushed cheeks radiated beauty, perfectly red lips that shamed the most lovely of rose petals and her eyes…  Her eyes shone with that immortal light of purity, almost unimaginable to mortal man.  Her eyes were the deepest of blue and literally sparkled between her long lashes.  Her smile was warm as Jacob passed her and yet the man sensed a longing for something hidden behind her eyes. 

The loveliness of the next warm smile was as striking as the last.  Slim with long silver hair and bright blue eyes, but also an aura of light gently lightening her angelic complexion, this one’s face was of the palest white, her skin looking like that of a China doll, with rosy red cheeks and deep red lips.  The others seemed to hold her in the highest regard as she welcomed Jacob into their domain, but as he passed her Jacob was sure he sensed the tiniest sliver of sadness coming from her. 

Next was one who did not look like as the others before him did.  He was different somehow, as if he had a great weight upon his shoulders.  He seemed so calm and wore half a smile on his face.  He was young in appearance, like the others seeming to be in his late twenties and clean shaven with shoulder length dark hair.  Unlike the light coloured dress of the others, he wore only black and he had a long black leather coat the end of which hung just below his knees.  But although dressed in black, the man had a radiance about him to equal any of the others around Jacob. 

As Jacob walked past them all he knew that they were guiding him onwards.  At once his soul felt a sense of lose as he did not yet wish to leave them.  But his soul knew there was no time and in the great circle of life, his next story was ready to begin…