Confessions of the devils muse
This is a small little flash fic I wrote when I was upset a long time ago. please ignore the gram and other errors. couldn't type well with 3 broken fingers. Damned bike rack!!!
Being a Satan's inspiration has been hard work he's always trying to out do me at everything from brimstone hopping to christian slaying.
I mean cant a muse have a little break? So I was trying to take my vacation alright I mean after that big on with the apple..I am sure you kno which one I am talking about I've been scraping bottom on inspiration my self so I took up converting those christian swine to other religions. I really like the whole Islamic concept .Yup that was mine to .I had "friend" who was an angel. Yup the big man sent him to the desert and you know how those wanders are Muhammad thought he was hallucinating got the names mixed up plus there was that whole language barrier my goodness it was hard just to get the man to stop screaming then we had to round up all his animals I mean shit how many goats does a shepherd need any ways?
So long story short we I got big red to get in with this Malcolm fellow and another friend of mine who is also a muse got into it with martin and we kept pushing to see where it would go you know? But a few things got in our way .Who knew the G man would have his own lil buddy shot up like that I mean even when I saw the movie I didn't believe it . He knew we were playing with those guys so he took them away ...what a nice sharer he is .
Any ways my latest work has been getting big red to partner with Bush yup bush .Not the burning bush that was just a fluke but bush George W. the kind of bush that sucks the life out of everything he touches. I mean Texas was a beautiful place we used to vacation there you know just big red and I catching some sun stealing souls and the like...why do you think a red necks neck is red? that was my doing ! those were so crazy days there. Man
But back to the real story. This bush character is trying to take over everything. I mean he offered big red an AC unit and a waver for his tax form if he could set up a factory to harvest the fumes from the boiling lava . This guy is freaking amazing ! If I could have gotten in on him back when I was laid off..you know during that whole plague thing? After thinking that one up I needed a break and big red really didn't need me there were souls pouring in from as far as the orient. People he didn't know existed started worshiping him it was an everlasting celebration even Bob showed up .You know his brother in law, the really annoying one who has remedies for everything from wood rot to barbecue.
Well bob showed up with a great idea on how to increase the amount of souls through the use of one of those self help seminars.
. You see...while big red was out at this seminar Bush came in , strutted right through the gates sat on the throne and started giving orders. Of course everyone was confused .we knew that Bush was pure evil but we had no idea he would pull a stunt like this! So after a few hours of listening to him gloat we went looking for big red.
Turns out Bush had given him more than half of Iraq in exchange for hell. Not only did it come with the perfect climate to keep up his healthy burnt glow but it came fully stocked with devoted minions who bowed and kissed the ground he walked on. Not only this but he also had most of the worlds supply of oil. The only catch to this was that he had to serve bush as ... sort of baron .It wasn't all goo there was those annoying diplomatic conferences and such to take care of but using bushes tactics big red was the happiest being on earth, and hell was stocked to the brim with souls from countries all over the world. No diplomacy was needed at all. Any country that didn't agree with big red got bombed and those who did were forced to serve him .it's a win, win situation right? Not for me .
I know you are wondering why I am telling you all this ...so ill get to the point .I am desperately in need of a job.You try coming up with a plot more devious than that if anything I should be bust back to royal toe nail clipper but being the great person that he is .Big red relieved me of my duties and banished me to Canada for all eternity.