Ambivalent Life

            Kath growled angrily as she tossed her test results down onto the table in a flourish of frustration. “I can’t believe this!” She exclaimed as she balled her fists up at her sides. “I studied like crazy off for that thing and I still can’t get above average!”

            Ghent calmly reached out and picked up the answer packet and began to study it. He was sitting behind a desk in one of the classrooms. The first day of school had let out about a half hour ago, and just about everyone had rushed down to the office to get his or her test results. It was the same thing every year. The special placement tests were taken very seriously by everyone, as they determined what kinds of classes each student would be taking that year. Without certain classes in high school, one could not get a job with the Nystan government, and with the war in the west well under way, just about everyone was desperate to get a commission. And the government only took those who did best on the tests, and who showed a continual increase in score.

            “You know some of these questions you missed.” Ghent commented softly, almost to himself, as he continued to read the paper over.

            Kath glared at him, before brushing her hair back and sniffing arrogantly. “It’s a stupid test.” She declared affirmatively.

            “I whole heartily agree.” Trivan commented as he stepped into the room. He was carrying his own result booklet, rolled up.

            Ghent smiled at his friend as the taller man snagged a chair with his foot and dragged it around so that he could straddle it. Trivan folded his arms and leaned on the back of the chair. “I take it she didn’t get the results she wanted.”

            “No, she didn’t.” Kath replied sullenly. She had her arms crossed under her chest and was glaring out from under her wispy blondish brown bangs. “What did you get, annoying?”

Trivan grinned rakishly and tossed his own booklet onto the desk. It rolled slightly, keeping its curled up shape.  “Just under average.” He said proudly.

            Kath rolled her eyes and pulled up a chair for herself. “I still don’t get it!” She whined more to herself than anyone else. “We studied all year for this damn thing, and I still can’t beat it.”

            Ghent set down her booklet and ran his long slender fingers through his own shaggy blondish-brown hair that matched his sisters.  “This isn’t something that you ‘beat’.” He replied as he whimsically snatched up Trivan’s booklet and leafed through it. “There’s no such thing as a perfect, after all.”

            Both Trivan and Kath snorted at the same time, then laughed about it. Ghent’s cheeks reddened slightly, but he managed a weak smile. He didn’t mind if they laughed since it was them.  Kath leaned over the desk and pillowed her head on her arm. She smiled easily and seemed to let go of some of her disappointment. “You only say that because you’re so damn close to getting a perfect that you might as well have.” She teased with only a touch of sarcasm.

            Ghent furrowed his brow. “Hardly. I know for a fact that both Cassatt and Tanner have better scores than I do.”   He replied somberly and with a slight disappointed but determined laughed at him again, and he frowned even more.

            Kath reached out and patted his arm soothingly. “Don’t worry, big brother. You beat the two of us, by miles. As usual.”

            Trivan snorted and sat up to pull his dark hair back. It just barely made a ponytail, much to Trivan’s frustration. Administration made him cut it periodically, whenever one of his teachers became annoyed with him. But he always grew it out again.  There was something about fighting that rule that made Trivan happy.  He wasn’t satisfied unless he was doing something he shouldn’t be.  “Dusty, won’t be happy until he can beat everyone.”  Trivan commented idly. “Part of that Schlager competitive nature.”

            Ghent frowned again, not at Trivan’s comment, but at the other teenager’s result booklet. “Trivan, your scores went down.”  He said in shock.  “How did you manage that one?” He muttered in disbelief as he flipped through the pages. He stopped and stared at one page before glancing up at his friend in shock. “Now, I know you know how to do these!” He exclaimed, laying the booklet out on the table. “This stuff is easy!”

            Trivan showed no sign of being affronted or ashamed of his scores, which was even more alarming.  Even if Trivan wasn’t as competitive as Ghent was anymore, that still didn’t explain how the older boy could do so poorly. 

Kath sat up to look upside down at his results and made a small gasp. “Jeez, Trivan. Even I got that one right.”

            Ghent studied his close friend carefully, narrowing his golden brown eyes in thought. “I don’t get it, Trivan. You should have been able to breeze through this stuff with no difficulty.” He said quietly.

            Ghent remembered a time not too long ago when it had been the two of them striving to get as far ahead as they could. Ghent had moved in with his father after his mother’s death when he was eight.  It was then that he met Trivan, who had been their neighbor, and it was also when Ghent started throwing himself into his work.  The two things had started out side by side, and had continued as such for years.  Then Ghent’s father had died, and his family had been forced to move.  Losing his father had been hard enough, yet not long after that, Trivan had begun to fall behind Ghent in their classes.  Suddenly, Ghent had found himself alone, surrounded by people much older than he was, with no one who cared about him personally.  Suddenly he was cut off from both Trivan and Kath as he advanced and they did not.

            This changed everything, however.  It was almost as if Trivan wasn’t even trying.

            Trivan stood up suddenly and shoved his chair back over to where he got it from. “Don’t you have somewhere to be, Dusty?” He asked coldly, startling both siblings with his sudden defensiveness when just a moment before he had been acting like he could care less about his test scores.

            Ghent sighed and let the topic drop. He knew when to give in to whatever it was that Trivan wanted, and now was one of those times. He’d leave the older boy alone, for the moment.  It wasn’t worth fighting with Trivan over.

            Kath sat up straight and looked at her half-brother in confusion. “Your training classes don’t begin for another two hours. What’s the rush?”

            Ghent stood up slowly and conjured up a guilty grin for her.

            “Oh.” She replied, suddenly understanding. “You got moved up again, didn’t you?”

            “Sorry.” He mumbled as he grabbed his shoulder bag and tossed Trivan’s booklet back to him.  He hated this.  Every year it was the same thing.  Every year it made her feel worse.  But what could he do about it?  It wasn’t his fault.  He’d tried so hard to help her, but nothing seemed to work.  He couldn’t very well bring down his own scores just to make her feel better.

            Kath shook her head vehemently. “What are you sorry for?” She asked a little harshly. “I’m glad for you.” She continued in a tone of voice which implied otherwise. Ghent winced, but she wasn’t looking at him. Suddenly, she had found her hands to be very interesting as she smoothed out the non-existent wrinkles in her uniform skirt.  “Who knows,” She continued in a more neutral voice that was worse than anything else.   “Maybe you will be the first person to get a perfect.”

            Ghent stared down at his younger sister sadly; hating the way she said “perfect.”  This had always been an issue between the two of them, not so much since their father’s death, but it was still there, just waiting for the right time to strike and make Ghent’s life hell. Ghent wanted to say something encouraging to her, something to cheer her up, but everything he could think of sounded so contrite, even to him.

            “Come on.” Trivan demanded from where he stood by the door. “You’re going to be late. And you, Kath, have to get to a meeting with your teacher, do you not?”  Neither asked how he knew about these things.  He just did.  Trivan had an amazing ability of knowing everything that went on in the school.

            “You better get going.” Kath agreed, then looked up finally at her brother with a hollow attempt at a smile.

            Ghent didn’t buy it, but after another glare from Trivan, he moved to follow him.