Welcome to the last installment of Someday, Beth.  For once, I’ll keep my mouth shut and I promise I won’t flap my trap again until the end (and then I’ll flap it a lot).

Chapter forty-five

            Suzy felt a warmth over her face as she began to awaken, her eyes squeezing shut tightly from an assault of intense light the moment they peeked open, telling her that the warmth was sunshine leaking in through the window over her bed.  She moaned softly, stretching her legs out and shielding her eyes from the brightness.  Rubbing her eyes and turning herself over onto her back, her mind quickly lost its morning fuzziness.  The rectangles of yellow sun pouring across her sheets, she realized at once, was the only other bit of warmth besides herself in her bed.  She didn’t need to look, or reach over to try to find another body on the opposite side of her bed; she knew there was no one there.

            Her eyes closed slowly again, although she didn’t feel even the tiniest bit sleepy anymore, and a soft sigh came through her lips.  ‘You really didn’t expect him to stay, did you?’ she scolded herself silently.  She brought the collar of Travis’s tee-shirt up over her nose and inhaled deeply.  It still smelled like him, only now his scent was more faint and mixed in with her own.  A nice combination, she thought.  A pleasant fragrance.  She smiled then, to herself and not really of happiness or pleasure.  He’d left his shirt after all (he would have had to to sneak out without waking her up).  As his guitar was the price he paid to spend the night with her, his shirt was the price he paid to leave.  That was alright, Suzy mused to herself.  She was happy to keep it herself.  She thought it was possible that he’d want it back at some point, but that would just be too bad if he did.  He wasn’t getting it back.

            Suzy suddenly realized she smelled something else besides the muted scents of sweat, sex, and Travis.  Something sweet, something cooking.  When she stopped and listened carefully, she could hear the ting of pans and dishes.  Was Jilly making breakfast?  Suzy inhaled the aroma again, smirking.  Wow, whatever it was, it smelled good.  Jilly didn’t know it, but she’d picked a perfect morning to do something nice like this.

            Of course . . . maybe Jilly did know.  Just like how Jilly seemed to know lots of little things before anyone else.  She had intuition like a sixth sense.  Just last night, Suzy and Travis had laughed about how shockingly scandalous it was for them to be sleeping together and talked about how surprised Jilly would be.  But maybe Jilly had known all along.  It had been her plan from the beginning.  And maybe Jilly even knew that he’d left.  Maybe this breakfast wasn’t good timing as much as good friendship. 

            Whichever it was, Suzy thought to herself with a soft smile, Jilly was the best friend she could ask for.  With the promise of a delicious breakfast to motivate her, Suzy rolled to the edge of her bed, swinging her legs over the edge and pulled herself up from the mattress. 

            Yup.  His jeans were gone.  Not that she’d expected them to be there, but their absence just seemed to jump out in her mind.  Just little details that didn’t really tell her Travis was gone (because she knew he was), but more just reminded her of it.  Like the vacant pillow with an indent in the middle that smelled like his shampoo.

            Every little detail that screamed out “Travis is gone!” was like a little punch in the heart, the fact that he wasn’t coming back this time being nailed into her head.  That he wasn’t out in her kitchen smoking a cigarette.  Except, she expected it to hurt more, to make her sadder than she actually felt right now.  She wasn’t happy, by any means, wasn’t glad he was gone, but . . . maybe satisfied despite.  Satisfied that they had finally been honest with each other, and satisfied that she had finally done what she’d wanted to do with Travis since she’d met him all those months ago.  Satisfied that he cared, even if it was more than he could handle.  Satisfied . . . but not content.  Still a little . . . empty inside.  And the emptiness seemed to grow more than diminish at the knowledge that the connection between them was deeper than sexuality on both their parts.  Because deep down was a little voice that reminded her that if circumstances were different . . . maybe they could’ve been together.

            But with things as they were, it would just be too difficult.  Travis and Suzy were just too close now to start stepping beyond friendship.  It was like asking him to instantly learn what it was to be monogamous by entering into a relationship on the twentieth date.  It was no wonder he ran away.  It wasn’t so long ago that Suzy probably would have run from the same thing.  It wasn’t so long ago that she was running away from that very thing.

            And at least he was hurting too.  She found a sick sort of satisfaction from that as well.  At least she mattered to him, right?

            With another sigh, she crossed the room to her dresser and pulled out a pair of faded, worn jeans that had small holes forming at the seams of the belt loops and the corners of the pockets, and pulled them on, letting the edge of Travis’s shirt fall down over the waist. Some warm, fresh food would do her some good, and some company, as well.  She’d get through this.  Maybe this was all a good thing because now it was out of her system, and now everything was finally sorted out.  She could begin to move on.  It wouldn’t be easy, but the first step was a good breakfast, a lengthy chat with Jilly, and a long, steaming shower before she had to go to work this afternoon.

            With that thought in her head, she went to her bedroom door and pulled it open.  In the doorway, she froze, staring dumbly at the person standing in her kitchen.

            There was a pan on one of the burners of her stove and in it a few slices of eggy bread sizzled and were prodded every so often with a spatula in his hand.  He was wearing only a pair of jeans, his feet and chest bare.  He stared down at the pan, singing so softly Suzy could barely make it out. 

            “I’m tired,” Travis murmured, shoveling a piece of the toast up with the spatula and flipping it over in the pan, “so tired, I’m tired of having sex.  So tired.  I’m spread so thin.  I don’t who I am.  Monday night I’m makin’ Jen, Tuesday night I’m makin’ Lyn, Wednesday night I’m makin’ Catherine.  Oh, why can’t I be making lo- . . .”  His mouth snapped shut before finishing the line (with was, “Why can’t I be making love come true?”).  He paused a minute, then switched to another Weezer song.  He wasn’t sure why the songs from their Pinkerton album were popping into his head out of no where.  It had to have been years since he’d last heard it.  “But I do like you, you’re the lucky one,” he resumed his singing.  “No –I’m the lucky one.  I’m shaking at your touch, I like you way too much.  My baby, I’m afraid I’m falling for you.  I’d do ‘bout anything to get the hell out alive . . . or maybe I would rather settle do-own . . . with yo-ou.”

            He didn’t know why, but he suddenly had the feeling he was being watched.  He ceased his singing and glanced behind him casually.  His eyes stopped scanning the room the moment they fell upon Suzy.  He looked at her intently, his mouth shaping into a warm smile.  Blushing slightly as he realized he’d been caught singing and cooking.  

            Suzy couldn’t help but gape at him, not believing her eyes.  She wondered vaguely if she were still sleeping and he was just a dream (because hadn’t she been dreaming of him all night?).  She swallowed, then forced her mouth open.  “Travis,” she breathed.  She meant to say more, but felt she couldn’t.

            He exhaled lightly, grinning.  “Hey there,” he murmured.  He set the spatula down on the counter and walked across the room to where she stood.  He leaned up against her, running a hand gently up her arm.  “Morning,” he whispered in her ear, then kissed her cheek.

            Suzy’s eyes closed as she sighed softly, her mouth twitching into an unconscious smile.  Her eyes opened again and she fixed them on his, her eyebrows rising questioningly.  “What are you doing here?” she asked.

            He smiled brightly, flicking his eyes back towards the stove.  “Making breakfast,” he replied, either pretending to misinterpret her question or answering it as best as he possibly could under the circumstances.  “Hope you’re hungry.  I know you like French Toast.  I’ve seen you make it before.”

            Suzy’s mouth spread into a wide grin.  “I can’t believe you’re cooking,” she stated, her voice of the brink of laughter and utter shock.

            Travis smirked at her.  “Yeah, well don’t get too used to it,” he commented.  “French Toast is the only thing I know how to make.  And I don’t make it for just anyone, either.”  Suzy exhaled a small laugh, glancing down, her cheeks turning a light pink.  He grinned, seeing this, feeling irrationally pleased that something he’d said had made her blush.  Actually, when he thought about, he’d felt irrationally good since he’d woken up and he’d seen Suzy lying there next to him.  Irrationally good, seeing as how last night he’d just about bolted out the door.  He pursed his lips, then threw a sideways glance towards Suzy.  “I just wanted to do something special . . .” he told her with a shrug.  “Try to make up for what an ass I’ve been.”

            Suzy’s expression sobered and she regarded him with something that came close to sadness.  She reached out and ran her fingers lightly through his hair.  “You don’t have to do that for me,” she murmured.

            He looked down at her, his expression serious.  “I know,” he replied.  “I don’t have to do anything.  I just want to.”  He leaned down, bringing his left arm loosely around Suzy’s waist, and kissed her lips gently.

            He pulled away tentatively, then glanced over his shoulder.  When he turned back to her, he was grinning bashfully (which was a sight so foreign to Suzy that at first she didn’t know that’s what it was).  “Don’t want your breakfast to burn,” her murmured.  He took a reluctant step back, then made his way back to the stove.  Suzy followed him into the kitchen and hopped up onto the counter just to the left of the burners.  Travis resumed playing with the French toast with his spatula, then turned his attention back to Suzanne.

            “So, am I ever gonna get my shirt back?” he asked, snaking a hand to the inside of her lower thigh, just above her knee.  His hand whispered softly over the denim fabric.

            Suzy grinned devilishly.  “Nope,” she declared.

            “What?” Travis cried.

            Suzy shrugged, smirking.  “Hey, you said that I looked better in it anyway,” she stated matter-of-factly. 

            Travis positioned himself in between Suzy’s legs that dangled of the counter’s edge.  “Well, that is true,” he murmured, leaning in closer to her.  His lips were now slow close to hers that she could almost feel them moving when he spoke.  “But, perhaps there’s a way I can persuade you to give it back?”  He grinned slyly, then pressed his lips against hers. 

            Just then, they heard a door open behind them.  Technically it was only behind Travis; the sound came from in front of Suzy, but Travis was blocking her line of vision.  They pried their lips apart and Travis glanced over his shoulder while Suzy leaned to the right of him so she could see past him.

            Jilly stood in the doorway to her bedroom, eyes wide, her mouth agape.  “Hello!” she greeted loudly in astonishment.  She closed her mouth and cleared her throat.  “Well hello there,” she began again, her voice laced with amusement.  “I guess you two had a good time last night.  Oh, and by the way, Trav: you’re welcome for bringing your guitar home.  It’s over on the couch.”

            Travis smiled.  “I know,” he stated.  “I saw it.  Thank you”

            Jilly cleared her throat again, eyeing Suzy devilishly when Travis had removed himself from between her knees and turned his attention back to the food.  Suzy just shrugged, blushing and grinning goofily.  “Some of that French toast is for me, right?” Jilly demanded, seating herself at the small kitchen table.

            “I guess,” Travis mumbled in mock annoyance.

            “Who knew the boy cooked, huh Suze?” Jilly commented with a laugh.

            Suzy giggled, shaking her head.

            “Hey, you better watch it, Jill,” Travis warned her teasingly.  “Or maybe you just won’t get any.”

            “It seems to me, I’m already the only one who didn’t get any,” she snorted flippantly.

            Suzy’s eyes widened slightly and her face became even more red.

            “Oh, will you just grow up?” Travis replied, rolling his eyes.  Suzy noticed, though, that there was a big grin on his face.

            “What?” Jilly cried, shrugging her shoulders.  “Come on, aren’t I entitled to just a couple juicy details of what happened?  I mean, I get no appreciation, no “thanks Jilly for bringing us back together!”  The least you could do is give me something good!”

            “Thanks?!” Travis voiced indignantly.  “Thanks for what?  For sticking your nose in other people’s business?  For manipulating us?”  Travis scooped a couple of slices of French toast onto a plate, then took the plate over to Jilly.  As he leaned down to place it in front of her, he whispered, “Thank you,” into her ear, then kissed her cheek.

            Jilly laughed.  “Yeah, that’s better!” she declared.  “I mean, Jesus, if you guys had just listened to me in the first place, it never had to get as bad as it did.”

            “Yeah,” Travis retorted, walking back to the stove and brushing Suzy’s knee as he went by, “well, I’m warning you now.  Stay out of it from now on.  It’s none of your business.  You got us together, we don’t need you fucking with us any more.  We’ll have enough problems, I’m sure, without your help.”

            Jilly snorted indignantly, but was too busy devouring the French toast Travis had made to respond.

            Suzy’s eyes widened and her head snapped in his direction.  Her eyes met his briefly before he looked away and brought his fist to his mouth and began to gnaw on the tip of his thumb. 

            “Travis?” Suzy asked in a whisper.  “Are we . . . together?”

            Travis busied himself with his spatula, staring intently at the food he was cooking.  He was silent for a moment, his features frowning so deeply it looked like he was furious at the French toast.  Finally, his eyes darted quickly towards Suzy, then flicked in Jilly’s direction.  “Do we have to discuss this right now?” he asked, looking lost and desperate.

            Jilly stopped eating and dropped her fork onto her plate, glancing up at the two as they seemed to be arguing with each other with just their eyes.  “Hey, guys, I don’t mean to be a bitch or anything, but you’re not gonna make me leave my own kitchen are you?” she asked.  “I mean, I’m eating.”

            Suzy sighed, shaking her head.  “No, of course not, Jilly,” she assured her roommate.

            Travis bit his lip, watching Suzy worriedly.  “Listen, we’ll just talk about it later, okay?” he whispered.

            Suzy nodded, forcing a small smile.  “Sure,” she agreed.  So much for her fairy tale ending.  She almost wished in her bitterness that he hadn’t been standing in her kitchen when she’d emerged this morning.  Before she’d seen him, she’d convinced herself to start getting on with her life, and now he was just dragging her back into the bad place of games and secrets and uncertainty.  If he was going to fucking leave, he should just do it already!  Just cut the fucking cord and do it, for god sakes!

            She swallowed down her resentment, though, and forced herself to be optimistic.  He was here.  There had to be a reason for it.  He was trying.  And she knew how hard it must be for him.  She had to cut him some slack and just wait until they could be alone to pick his brain and find out what the hell was going on in there.  She had to remember he wasn’t fucking with her on purpose.  After last night, she knew through all his confused logic that he cared too much about her to do that.

            Travis finished cooking the French toast and he and Suzy joined Jilly at the kitchen table.  The three gobbled up the food quickly and greedily, the two girls thanking Travis graciously for the delicious breakfast.  It was amazing how quickly Suzanne had completely forgotten her ill thoughts towards Travis.  The food, the company, it had to be the best morning she could remember since she’d moved to California.  Afterwards, she couldn’t even remember what the three of them had talked about, but they sure had talked, a lot, and laughed.  Laughed and smiled.  All three of them.  And it was about time!

            Still chuckling from something Jilly had said, Suzy stood up to bring her empty plate to the sink.  Travis’s attention was on Jilly, still laughing himself, and he didn’t even notice Suzy was picking up his plate for him until she’d already snatched it up.  He turned his head to follow her trip to the sink. 

            “Hey thanks, babe,” he murmured.  She threw a smile over her shoulder, then made her way back to the table.  She didn’t make it back to her own seat, though, because Travis had reached out and grabbed her waist, pulling her down into his lap.  She giggled and trying to struggle against his grip at first, but then let herself relax, draping on arm around his neck.

            Jilly made a face at their display of affection, then hoisted herself up from her seat.  “Well, as much as I’d love to stick around and watch you paw each other, I’m afraid I’ll lose the breakfast I just had,” she commented sarcastically.  “I’m gonna go take a shower.”  She turned towards the bathroom, then paused before entering, throwing a witty glance over her shoulder.  “Oh, and Travis?  Put some clothes on, will ya?” she cried.  “The last thing I want to see is a half naked guy walking around my place, alright?”  Both Travis and Suzy laughed.  Jilly smiled too, then disappeared into the bathroom.

            Travis tightened his arms around Suzy’s middle.  “You heard the woman,” he stated.  “Give me my shirt back.”

            Suzy grinned, then shook her head.  “Uhn-uhn,” she responded.

            Travis pouted.  “Oh, come on,” he whined.  “It’s my favorite shirt.  Give it back.”  His wandering hands tugged at the shirt, pulling the hem up.

            “No!” Suzy cried, pushing the shirt back down.  “What, you want me to just take it off right now?  I’m not wearing anything under it.”

            Travis cocked an amused eyebrow, smirking.  “Oh really?” he mused.  He began to try to pull the shirt off again.  Suzy squealed and giggled, warring with his hands to try to keep the shirt back on.  Travis’s hands eventually surrendered their onslaught when he became much more interested in pursuing something that gave him the result he wanted.  He captured Suzy’s lips with his and began to kiss her firmly.  His mouth worked against hers hungrily, thick passionate kisses that made her feel dizzy.

            She pulled her mouth away, breathing heavily, lowering her eyes so that they stared at his chest and not his face.  “Travis,” she whispered.  “What’s going on?”

            Travis sighed, looking down at her downcast eyes.  “Guess we can’t avoid this any longer, huh?” he murmured, a small, dry smile playing on his lips.

            Suzy looked up at him.  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.  “But I need to know what you’re thinking.  I need to know where I stand.  I’m so confused.  Last night you practically had one foot out the door and now . . . this morning, you’ve been so great . . . but . . .”

            Travis exhaled loudly, averting his eyes.  “Look,” he breathed, shaking his head, “last night . . . being with you, it scared me.  I’m still scared.  And I-I guess I’m not really sure what I’m still doing here.  But this morning, I just couldn’t leave.”  He paused, then ventured a glance in her direction.  She was watching him, listening patiently.  She was always so good at that –at listening.  She always made him feel like she wanted to hear what he had to say.  She made it so easy to talk to her.  Starting was the hardest part.  That had always been the problem.  Once he got talking, he just couldn’t shut himself up, but getting up the nerve to talk to her . . . that was the hard part.  “I fell asleep with you last night.  I didn’t really mean to, but I fell asleep.  When I woke up, it was morning.  The sun was up and you were still fast asleep.  I just looked at you, watched you as you slept.  I just couldn’t leave.  I don’t even know if it was a good idea to stay, but I don’t want to lose you.  I don’t know if I could stand never seeing you again.”  He bit his lip, her forehead creasing.  “I figured . . . if anyone was worth putting my head on the chopping block for . . . it was you.”

            Suzy exhaled dry laughter.  “I don’t know if I should be flattered by what you said, or offended by that chopping block comment,” she mused cynically.

            Travis frowned, looking away.  “You know what I mean,” he mumbled.

            “So . . . what exactly does this mean?” Suzy asked hesitantly.  She pursed her lips, and waited for his answer.

            “It means . . . it means that I’m willing to try,” he told her slowly.  “I mean, I don’t know.  I want to have a relationship with you, I guess.  I’m not leaving.  I’m trying to . . . to be here for you.”  He sighed, flustered.  “I . . . I don’t know.  I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here.  I don’t know what comes next.”  He looked at her pathetically.  “I don’t know what I’m doing.  I’ve never done this before.”

            Suzy laughed, then stroked the side of his face gently.  “Look, Travis, it’s not like I’m an expert either,” she murmured.  “I don’t have all the answers.  I know this is kinda weird.  I mean, we’re already friends and we already know each other so well.  We lived together!  But, as long as you want to be with me, I think everything might actually be okay.  As long as we both try.  We’ll just take it one day at a time.  And just be honest with each other.”

            “One day at a time . . .” Travis echoed, looking pensive.  “Well, how about today?  Are you working today?”

            Suzy nodded.  “Yeah, this afternoon,” she told him.  “From one to seven.”

            Travis bit his lip.  “Well . . . maybe . . . maybe I could come by the store,” he offered modestly, grinning, “when you get off.  You know, come pick you up . . . and then maybe we could go out?  Like get something to eat or see a movie and get a couple of drinks . . .”

            “Like a date?” Suzy asked, giggling.

            Travis chuckled.  “Yeah, like a date,” he said.

            She smiled, leaning forward and placing a small kiss on his lips.  “That sounds perfect,” she declared.  She chuckled, shaking her head.  “Our first date, huh?  Don’t most people date before they sleep together, not after?”

            Travis leaned forward, grinning, and kissed her neck.  “Yeah,” he whispered in her ear.  “But we’re just more creative than they are.  Whoever said convention was a good thing?”

            Suzy laughed as she ran her fingers through his hair.  His face was buried in her mane of hair, placing small kisses on her neck and earlobe.  Oh, Mandra what have you done to me?  She suddenly heard singing in her head.  A JoyDrop song that was awakened in her mind by the complete bliss she felt sitting in Travis’s lap with his arms hugging her and his lips tracing over her skin.  Like a flower tastes like a seashell.  Lean to one, fade into black.  Scratch my name into your back.

            Travis’s lips came up her jaw and found her mouth, his tongue flicking hers.  I’m not frightened, this is just how I thought it would be.  His hands came up her face, stroking her cheeks tenderly, caressing her neck, combing through her hair.  Move me close, I want to be wanted.  Suzy’s hands ran over Travis’s shoulders and the back of his neck.  Take my hand I want to be lost.  Grey-green eyes, it’s just like a sunrise.  I’m not frightened, this is just how I thought it would be; all my life all in one day. 

            They both broke the kiss, looking into each other’s eyes.  Suzy offered a smile which Travis returned.  “I’m so scared right now,” he admitted in a whisper.

            So much time and I still can’t forget.  So much time and just can’t remember. 

            Suzy nodded.  “I know,” she murmured.  “I am, too.  But it’s worth it, don’t you think?” Oh, I want more, but it’s not over yet.

            Travis glanced down quickly, then met her eyes again.  “The way you make me feel,” he breathed, “I just . . . it scares the hell out of me . . . but also . . . I can’t remember when I’ve felt so good.  So . . . yeah . . . it’s worth it.”

            I’m not frightened, this is just how I thought it would be.

            You’re a strange one.

            Suzy grinned, then caught his mouth with hers again.  ‘You’re scared now, but you won’t always be,’ she thought.  ‘You’ll see how good things can get if you just let them.  Maybe you’ll find everything you’ve ever searched for . . . in me . . .

‘Someday.’

The End.

Oh my god.  Can you believe it’s all over?  I’m sorry, but I’m going to ramble on for a bit just to wrap things up.  First off, I would like to thank every single person who has reviewed this story, and even just those reading, because you have no idea how much your encouragement and motivation have really helped me write this.  I began this a long time ago, and after chapter three, it lay untouched on my hard drive for a good four months, I believe.  I’m so glad I picked it up again and followed through and I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it.  Alright, now since this is the last chapter, I am hoping that all of you reading will leave a review and just tell me you final thoughts on the story as a whole, now that it’s done, as well as reviewing this last chapter.  I was very worried about this one because I didn’t want to let anyone down with my ending.  I hope you guys don’t hate me, and I hope you are satisfied. 

Now, as for a sequel.  It’s been suggested by a few different people (the first of which was way back in Part 2, I believe).  Ever since it was suggested to me, I can’t seem to get the thought out of my head.  But, sequels have a way sometimes of getting stale quickly and I don’t want to do that at all.  I don’t want to spoil what you all seem to think of as a good story with a stupid sequel.  So here’s my proposal and please comment on it:  I’ve been sketching out the premise for a semi-sequel, if I actually do it.  It won’t be a complete sequel in that I want both stories to really be able to stand by themselves, meaning characters from Someday, Beth will appear it in, but it won’t be like Someday, Beth II.  I’m thinking it will more focus on the band and it’s members more than just Suzy and Travis.  Suzy and Travis will be there, of course, but it will also focus on Dylan (which I’m sure will make some people happy), and Mark, and you’ll actually get to learn more about Luke, who didn’t really have much of a part in this story.  And there will be (if I write it) new characters that are introduced (definitely throw some more women in a mostly male cast).  Basically, a story documenting Someday Beth’s struggle to stardom, and the trials each of its members have in their social lives as well.

Anyway, I’ve rambled on enough.  Thank you guys so much for all your support.  Those of you who are interested in reading another story by me, I think I can pretty much promise a new story to be started soon, whether it’s the semi-sequel of Someday, Beth, or something completely new.  But I’m starting my new job on Monday, and so you’ll have to give me a week or two to get started.  Please leave many comments of the story, the chapter, and what you’d like to see next and I love long reviews, so don’t hold back ;)

All my love,

Miss Jenny Rocker