Exquisite Pain

We always put ourselves through the most exquisite pain.

We grieve for the person we ‘love’ but can’t have.

We become consumed by a feeling so painful it’s delightful.

We revel in knowing we are capable of feeling this much for another.

What happens when we really can’t have the person we desire?

We wallow in our pain and let it take over us.

We could tell this person and hear the rejection,

Then we at least have some sort of closure.

But the person you desire most is usually the most unattainable.

For me that’s too true.

How do you tell your best friend you love them?

That you want to be a part of their life for ever.

Its hard to do, especially when gender gets in the way.

It shouldn’t though, not in this era, but it does.

How do you tell them you just want them?

Is that such a selfish thing, to want them for yourself?

How do you cope with the pain of knowing they won’t ever love you?

What do you do to compensate?

Cry? Scream? Lock yourself away? Try and cover it up?

Or do you try and distance yourself from the problem?

What if you can’t distance yourself?

What if they are so close to you and such a close friend,

You can’t bear to break the union, it’s like a drug?

What happens then?

The pain becomes so divine and awesome,

You wake with tears in your eyes,

Slumber on a damp pillow,

You mask it all through the day and keep the pain for yourself.

The pain you harbour is the one thing that keeps you going.

You examine it at your own leisure,

You wonder where the love came from.

And why it can’t go back.