September 6th, 1999

Hello, Jojo.

            I heard some girls talking about me today in the bathroom, saying how ugly and stupid I am. Why, Jojo? Why are there such horrible people in the world? Why does God let people like them cause others pain? Why?

            I know I'm not the smartest person in the world. I know I'm not very attractive. But what gives those girls the right to pass judgment on me?

            I hate people like that, the people who have NOTHING to feel insecure about, yet they're insecure, and so take it upon themselves to treat everyone else like dirt to feel better. I hate them. It's cruel, heartless people like them who have made my life miserable.

            Granted, I am not the Angel of the Golden Rule, but I'm so sick of people treating me like I'm a lesser being than they are. I'm not oblivious enough to think that I am immune to being gossiped about, but it hurts nonetheless.

            I'm fat and ugly, Jojo. I got rid of my glasses and braces, but I'm still fat and ugly. At the rate I'm going, and the way boys are, as long as I look like this I will never find someone to love me. I'm fourteen years old and all my friends have had their first kiss. I guess boys are afraid that they'll catch a lip fungus from me or something...they won't touch me with a ten-foot pole.

            I have nothing to offer a guy, Jojo. I could never find one who'd want to go out with me. I might as well become a nun now. I have an abrasive personality and I'm not pleasing to the eye, so I'm doomed. It makes me want to cry when I think that I'll never get a boyfriend.

            Oh Jojo, what if I end up like those creepy old ladies on TV, the ones who sing to their plants and knit sweaters for their hundreds of cats? That thought scares me.

            I was always taught to believe that there is a soul-mate for everyone. Somewhere in my future, I will meet "the one" and we'll get married. I think I'd be embarrassed to tell this soul-mate of mine that he's the first guy to kiss me. I hope it doesn't come to that, Jojo. "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

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Sorry for the lack of updates, guys. Keep an eye out and see what I come up with next. :) Read and review; encourage me to keep going or beg me to stop.