Defective Anchor

I've lost myself in this
Chaos
That seems to surround us;
Entirely
Out of control, it shakes me
To my very soul.
Forgive me
If I'm just too weary
To find you
Again
Among the scraps of paper
In my bed -
One says
'Amber'
in bright purple ink -
you're so far, you see;
I cannot go that distance
Across
Rocky waters and
100 foot cliffs.
I'm sorry; you're no longer
Worth it.
Perhaps if you had come
To me
And gently held my soul
In soft, articulate hands,
I would let you in
When you
Knocked.
But as I said,
I lost myself,
And you,
My so-called anchor,
Abandoned me
Just when I needed
You.
I have nothing left
To give.
She's stolen
My soul.