This thing is really old… I wrote this about three years ago, and just finished typing it… I know it’s not very good, hence the reason I never finished typing it. I had just read “To Start a Fire” in math class and was struck with an idea…That’s all.

What’s Lost Will Be Lost

By: Jen aka Banance

January, 2001

I shade my eyes from the glare of the sun off the snow. It’s already up to my knees and raising steadily every hour.

I trip up on my cold legs and fall face first into the white powder. My whole body goes numb for a few moments, but I push myself back to my feet.

I stand and stare into the distance at the retreating figure ahead of me, then look down at his footsteps.

They’re fresh, even tough the snow is staring to fill them, but as long as I can follow them, it doesn’t matter.

I start to walk again, seeing him stop a short ways up. I walk a little faster in attempts to catch up to him.

It seems like every time I’m just about there, I get farther And farther away. Sometimes I want to give up hope, but then I remember why I’m chasing him in the first place. He’s slowed considerably in the last hour. He must be as numb as I am, if not more.

He starts to walk again, but he stumbles and falls to a nearby snow bank. I am no longer clam, he is to close to lose him this time.

I start to jog, then as I realize he’s not moving I break into an all out run.

His face is resting in the white snow. His eyes are closed, his mouth partly open. His lips are touched with an icy blue, his angelic features soon to follow.

I lean down next to him and cradle his head in my arms.

“You fool, why did you run?” I ask in a whisper that seems to just fade into the surrounding snow. I can’t even tell what direction we came from anymore. The whiteness all looks the same to me.

I strain my eyes trying to see past the flying flakes pasting before my eyes. I look back down in desperation. I must seek shelter.

I must try to haul him over my shoulder. I’m successful, although I nearly fall in the process.

Slowly, I break through the rising drifts. Snow leaks down my shoes, chilling my feet to the bone. I’m wondering if maybe he is the same way: cold seeping under his skin; snow fresh in his hair. His unconscious mind must be racing to find answers now.

“Who picked me up? What happened? Did he catch me?” I only wish I could be inside that beautifully simple mind of his. That’s what he is, simple, but in such a beautiful way. No one could ever prefect the word better. It was just that simple.

I see a cave about a hundred feet away. It was close, yet in my mind it’s an impossible distance. My body has lost almost all it’s feeling, and I know if I don’t find shelter soon I’ll be like the boy over my shoulder.

My legs are giving away underneath me, and now I’m sinking deeper into the white snow.

I’m not even sure if it’s snow anymore. My sight is blurry, and my mind is numb.

My eyes start to close as I fight for consciousness. I shake my head and wake back up.

The cave is just a few feet more.

I stumble over a deep snow bank blocking the entrance and fall onto the cave floor, the boy falling unto top of me.

I push him off, huddling him closer to me.

His whole face is blue now and his body frozen. I check his pulse.

Nothing.

His head rolls to the side. As if in peaceful sleep his eyes are closed, lightly kissed by traces of snow.

I gently wiped away all traces of the white flakes with my own freezing hand.

It’s amazing what one person will do for love. I bend down, placing kisses along his face, and slowly lay down next to him, letting his cold body steal away my warmth away from me.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I feel life seep from me, to my dear Gilliam.

I’ve never been so overjoyed to give my life to another.

His eyes are still closed, but I know He’ll live. I close my eyes. To death I may part, but I have never been so happy.

I turn towards my love. “Gilly, I don’t care what you think, it won’t stop me from loving you… I don’t care that you ran when you told me. Honestly I don’t, but I do care that we are here now. What’s lost will always be lost. I wish we could have had something, but we didn’t…. What’s lost….is lost…” I close my eyes, this time knowing I will never open them again.

                                                ~End~