When It's Raining

Chapter 1

She stared at her daugher of two years old. Her life wasn’t how she had envisioned it to be. In fact, it was the complete opposite of what she had visualized.

She had always thought that she would become a successful criminal lawyer; and maybe after a few years of handling cases, a well-respected senator. Everybody would know her, and people would look up to her. Naturally, her parents would be proud of her then; they wouldn’t be staring at her with resignation as they usually did.

No, they didn’t look at her with disappointment or anger anymore. They had long before accepted her as the black sheep of the family with quiet acquiescence. They still frowned at her now and then and she would see her parents exchange looks. She knew what those glances meant – they were wondering what they ever did to ever deserve having a daughter who was so much of a failure.

She was used to it. At least she thought she was, because sometimes, she couldn’t help but be ashamed of herself, of what she had become.

The doorbell rang several times before she actually heard it. She carried her daughter and opened the front door.

“Jenny?”

She looked at the stranger before her. He was a tall mestizo, with black hair and brown eyes. He wore a blue long-sleeved polo with khaki pants and shiny black shoes.

He was familiar but she couldn’t place him.

“Jenny, uh, it’s me, Paulo.”

Paulo?

Her lips curved into a smile.

“Paulo Ramirez? Oh my God, it is you! I almost didn’t recognize you! Do come in,” she invited.

He thanked her and followed her inside.

She put down her daughter on the carpeted floor. Her daughter smiled at her and giggled.

“Have a seat. May I get you something?” Jenny asked.

He shook his head. “So, this must be Angela. Your friend Joyce told me about her. She looks just like you.”

“Yes, that’s Angela. So, what brings you here?”

“I was just wondering what you were up to nowadays.”

She avoided his gaze and watched Angela play with her toys.

“Nothing, really.”

Silence.

“How have you been? I heard you’re working in Villaraza.”

He smiled ruefully. “Yeah. I wanted to open my own law firm but I don’t have enough capital yet. Maybe after a couple of years.”

Silence.

“Jenny—”

“Paulo—”

They spoke at the same time and they laughed nervously.

Silence.

“What are you doing here Paulo?”

“Just paying you a visit,” he answered.

Jenny frowned. “Really. Why are you here?”

Paulo’s cheeks reddened. “I still like you.”

Jenny blushed. “Paulo, that was just a college crush. You don’t really like me.”

“Yes I do,” he replied.

“You don’t.” Jenny couldn’t bring herself to look at him.

“Still stubborn, I see. One of your most endearing qualities,” he remarked, grinning.

Just then, it started to rain. She walked to the window and looked outside.

“It’s a downpour,” she commented.

Silence.

He finally spoke up. “Jenny, why are you doing this to yourself?” He sounded almost exasperated.

“Doing what?” she said tonelessly.

“This! You know what I mean, Jenny. I know you do. Why are you doing this to yourself?” he ground out.

“Because I don’t have a goddamn choice,” she shouted back.

“That’s bull. Jenny, I know you, you’re a strong intellectual person.”

She was still staring through the window, her eyes fixed on the kids playing outside in the rain.

“Intellectual? I’m intellectual? Paulo, have you looked at me? I mean, have you really looked at me?

“I’m 24 years old and I have a two-year-old kid. Dammit, I don’t even know her father. My parents are close to disowning me, my siblings are ashamed of me. I’m a saleslady at SM and I’m not even a regular employee.” The tears started to fall.

“Let’s face it, I’m a failure. I always was one and I still am. Once a failure, always a failure,” she said bitterly.

He frowned. “Is that how you see yourself? A failure? I pity you.”

“Well don’t!” she replied angrily. “I’m not asking for your pity.”

“That’s a fine thing to say, considering how you’re wallowing in self-pity,” Paulo said coolly.

“Ch.”

“Jenny, if there’s one thing that hasn’t change, it’s your pessimism and negativity. If you could just see how lucky you are… Look, your parents love you so much—“

“Love me?” she cut in, incredulous. She laughed but the sound was empty.

“Where in the world did you get that idea? My parents hate me. I’m a burden to them. If it weren’t for my daughter…”

He shook his head and stood up. “You’re just too stubborn to look deeper.

“I think it’s time this visit ended,” he decided abruptly.

“You’re leaving?” Jenny asked, surprised.

He nodded, his face void of any emotion. Jenny led him to the door.

“It’s still raining outside. Do you have an umbrella?” she asked.

“No. But it’s okay, I like the rain, remember?” he smiled and walked out of the door and onto the rain.

She closed the front door.

Yes, she remembered.

She met Paulo one rainy afternoon, when she was going home from La Salle, in fact. She was waiting for a bus and she didn’t have any umbrella with her so in a few minutes, she was soaking wet. She didn’t mind though; she liked the rain.

“Here,” a voice from behind her said.

She turned around and saw him. He was handing her an open umbrella.

“Thanks, but I don’t really need it, it’s only a drizzle,” she replied, smiling at him.

He smiled back and closed the umbrella, putting it in his green backpack. He noticed her intrigued gaze and he explained, “I like it when it’s raining.”

“I’m Paulo Ramirez,” he introduced himself.

“I’m Jennifer Suzara,” she replied.

A bus arrived and they both entered it. They sat beside each other.

“So, you from La Salle or CSB?” he inquired.

“La Salle, what about you?”

“I’m also a lasallian. Sophomore, taking up Legal Management.”

“Aaah. A lawyer huh? Wow, that must be so cool, I mean, the subjects that you’re studying.”

“What about you?”

She made a face. “Business Management.”

“Don’t you like your course?”

“Nah. It’s boring. I hate it actually, but it’s what my parents want.”

“Bummer.”

Jenny smiled as she thought of those times they shared back in college. Even though they had different courses, they made it a habit to spend time together.

He was her friend, her only true friend. Even when she started to hang out with the “bad crowd,” he would still go to her house and talk.

He was her conscience, so to say. She usually received a lecture about how smoking was bad for her, etcetera.

She let him down, she knew that. She still was letting him down.

--mskitsune--