Black Wings – Review

Hello everyone.  Hahah, probably about 90% of you aren’t reading this chapter, but that’s ok, it’s basically the same thing I did at the end of Forever Blue for those of you that read it.  Well, here’s what I’m gonna have in this review chapter.  Special thanks, last minute comments on the story, advertisements for upcoming fics, etc.  Well, first, I’ll start out with the special thanks.

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Well, number one, I’d like to thank everyone who reviewed and kept up with the stupid storyline.  Thanks for all of you that laughed at Kelly’s sadistic jokes, those of you that all got angry when Dustin erased the message, those of you that cried when Hikari died, you all encouraged me to keep writing and improve the storyline.   And also thanks to those that kept with me ever since I started Fallen Angels, and those of you that bothered to read Fallen Angels because you thought it was worth it to read Black Wings.  And also thanks to those people who helped point out my bad points, you kept me improving my writing.

 Cindy Moon – Thanks a lot for supporting me through my writing, and generally everything else.  You’ve been my inspiration to write this thing, and it wouldn’t have been the same without you (I’m not just saying that lol).

Aznistic – You’re the other person that has really encouraged me throughout writing this stupid story.  All those days, ranting about what I should do, asking opinions on the storyline, making you revise my stuff, you’ve been the most influencial to my writing, and also the most encouraging, despite the fact that you liked to take 5 week gaps in between reading (hahah, jk).

And thanks Idesel, Mint, Under The Street Lamp, and Azndreamer who’ve stuck with me the entire fic, giving me your opinion on everything. 

And thanks Smitha-r, MeeLee, Black Myiah, Sea of Crystals, and Black Dragon Eyes for bothering to review and read my fic.  And also, thanks Black Dragon Eyes for keeping with me since Forever Blue.

Aand thanks to Julia-Tears, Kerochan, Joseph, Fox Dance, and Jaded Lilac for sticking with me since Fallen Angels.  You guys were my lifeline.  I really hope you guys enjoyed reading my story and didn’t get bored since Fallen Angels.

And lastly, thank you Joshua Mak.  Though you’ll never know this, if you never pissed me off with the cookies, I never would have written this story in the first place ^_-

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Well, now that the story’s over, there are a few things I wanna add about it before I stop talking about it for the rest of my life.  First I’ll start out with the good things... which’ll be short, and then the bad things.

Pros – There were a lot of things I enjoyed about the story; late nights writing to keep up with my weekly update, bugging steph for advice on the story.  I’m really gonna miss writing this.  The things I’m most proud of are the character I developed with a certain character, Hikari.  At first, I thought everyone would think she was extremely annoying, but everyone seemed to love her till the end.  Another thing the way I achieved to write the endings for both stories, though the first ending was better cuz I made more people cry ^_^.  I’m also proud of the symbolism and the foreshadowing that I put in, but no one caught it -_-. 

Cons – Cons... what a wonderful word...  Well, ok... where should I start... storyline.  The storyline was really stupid... At first, it was supposed to be that if Roen just looked at Ara, then she would transform but that didn’t work out -_-, and then I changed it to what it is now and before I knew it, it became a Chobits biteoff!  Oh... sorry guys if you haven’t seen the ending...  Well, and also, the confusingness of the storyline.  I bet every single one of you that are reading this have been thoroughly confused with the story.  There are probably STILL some things that you don’t know about it -_-.  There was also a slowness in the story.  The entire Fallen Angels didn’t have to be there lol.  All of the battles, the unnecessary conversations... such a high rate of trivialness throughout the storyu.  And also in Black Wings, when Ara kept avoiding Dustin, that must’ve been annoying to you guys, but I couldn’t find a way for Ara to confess to Dustin without going out of her character, which was my fault for making her that way in the first place.  ALSO, another thing, the character development was horrible.  I had so many flat characters...  Roen, my main character, he had the worst character out of all of them.  He was more like Kamina Ayato from RahXephon, and Kira from Gundam SEED, where you only knew one dimension of him... if that one dimension was anything at all.  He was such a horrible character; his personality.  I mean he cried when he was sad, he smiled when he was happy, there was no character to him.  And he was my main character too...  this also gave me a complication, cuz there had to be something special about him that Ara liked, and there wasn’t -_-.  And also, Dustin, he was too perfect...  He was so much better than Roen, so wouldn’t there be a good enough Reason for Ara to go for Dustin...  ahhh!! The character development was just generally horrible in the fic.  My strongest characters were Kelly and Hikari... but that’s pretty much it.  And also, I hated my organization.  You have no idea how many things I took out from the story because of my lack of organization.  I liked the flow of the fic, but I didn’t like how I had to take out everything to preserve that flow.  I realized that Ara would do these things back in Madison, but those events took place after she was kidnapped.  That’s one thing I have to work harder on for my future fics, organization.

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Well, as I stated earlier, there were tons of things that I took out of the fic because of lack of organization.  Well, since there wasn’t any space to put those things, I’ll just put them right here at the end ^_^.

Scene 1: after Ruth’s housewarming party.

Ara sprang up abruptly from the dream that had plagued her mind during the night.

“Ara...?” Her mother asked concerned.

Ara looked around, realizing that she was back in safety and comfort of her room, “Mother... what’s wrong?”

“Mr. Ko left... Do you know where he is?”

Ara shook her head.  She had been so tired the last night that she barely remembered anything from before.

“I don’t know...”

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Quickly, Ruth slammed her hand against the loud and obnoxious alarm clock.  Groggily, she opened her eyes to see what time it was, considering the number of times she had pressed the snooze button.  Just then, she noticed a note by her bed.

“...what’s this...”

Curiously, she picked up the letter and opened it.

“Ruth... I’m sorry for doing what I did to you years ago.  I guess, before I go, I want to tell you thank you for helping me realized what a screwed up person I was.  I hope we can see each other again... if we do, I’ll be able to tell you this in person.”

Ruth clasped her hand over her mouth, “Adam...”

Scene 2: Somewhere around the time before Ara was kidnapped.

Ara laughed, “I don’t even know if he’s alive...  This is so stupid, why do I keep hoping for something that I don’t even know exists.”

Though her back was turned towards him, Dustin could tell she was trying to fight back her tears.

“It’s so funny...  You think that I’d be moving on, but I’m not.  I’m letting something this stupid just rule my life,” She chuckled, “What’s wrong with me...  I keep telling myself to stop, but I never listen.”

Dustin could hear Ara’s laughs slowly change into sobs.

“Dustin, tell me to stop.  Tell me that that phone call was a prank.  Tell me that he died during the explosion.  Tell me to move on.  Tell me that this fetish that I have doesn’t exist.”

Dustin didn’t reply.

“Tell me Dustin!!” Ara yelled.

There was a long pause between them.  Dustin wanted to help her, but he didn’t know what to say to her.  It was exactly the same feeling he felt back when Ara had told him about how she saw another girl that was with Roen.  It was the same exact conversation they had; Dustin hated it.

“Ara...” Dustin spoke.  Still she didn’t turn to him, “There’s something... that I hid from you...  Before, when Roen called...  I... he wanted to tell you.. that he loved you...”

Ara’s eyes widened.

“He wanted to tell you, but I deleted the message.....     I don’t know why, but I just did.....  I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier...”

Scene 3: Some time around the scene above

“Who could be here at this time of the night...” Dustin grumbled, just getting out of the shower.  His grandmother was still sleeping, so he had to make sure that things like the doorbell didn’t wake her up.

“Kelly...?  What’s she doing here...” Dustin wondered as he looked into the peephole.  There Kelly was, wearing an opened jacket and a small skirt that was cut above her knees.

Dustin opened the door, “Kelly, why are you-“

“Dustin!” Kelly exclaimed, throwing her arms around him.

As an impulse, Dustin kicked her away, back outside the door, “What are you doing?!”

“You don’t like it?” She said.  Then, she dove towards him again, pressing her body onto his.  This time, she pushed Dustin so hard that they both fell over onto the tile floor.

As soon as Dustin got his balance, he pushed Kelly away from him again, “Get off of me.”

Quickly, Kelly got back on her knees, backing away from Dustin.  She blushed, after being bluntly rejected by Dustin.

“Who was that?” Dustin heard from down the hallway.

“...wait here... and close the door.” Dustin addressed.

Quickly, he got up and attended to his grandmother, “Sorry, I dropped something.” Dustin said, trying to evade her stare down the kitchen hallway.

“Who was that that I heard?”

“Oh I’m sorry, is my computer too loud?  I’ll turn it softer.  You should get some sleep though.”

“Ok...” She turned away and walked back up the stairs.

Dustin was relieved that she hadn’t seen Kelly down the hallway; he didn’t want her to think anything strange.  Quickly, his fear turned into anger, but his anger never lasted long.

“Sorry...” Kelly whimpered, still on the ground.

Dustin sighed angrily, “What were you trying to do?  I thought you were going to kill me.”

Kelly didn’t know what to say.  Of course she was going to tell him what she was really trying to do to him; she had already been embarrassed enough.  “I don’t know...”

Then, Dustin noticed the door, that was still open, so he hurried and closed it, keeping the cold wind outside.

“Get up...” Dustin ordered as he got out a chair for Kelly, “It makes me feel bad when you’re on the floor like that.”

Quickly, like any other guest, Dustin prepared a cup of coffee for her and put a blanket around her since she was shivering in the clothing she was wearing.

“What are you doing here late at night anyway?” Dustin repeated, sitting down on the opposite side of the table.

“My mother and I got into a fight again...  I’m being immature and running away.  I don’t want to see her again.  I hate her.”

Dustin smiled.

“...what are you smiling about.” Kelly retorted.

“I always envied a lifestyle like yours...”

“Huh?”

“I always watched in the movies of kids getting into fights with their parents, but in the end, they realized how much they loved each other.”

“You think she loves me...?” Kelly said, staring at her reflection in the coffee.

“Of course she does-“

“Then why does she keep telling me that I should go away!  Why does she keep telling me to disappear!?  Why does she always tell me that I’m a disgrace, and that I’m adopted?!”

“Why does she keep coming back for you every time you run away?”

Kelly paused.

“I was always raised by my grandmother, so I never knew how it felt to get into a fight with your parents...  Even though I’ve though I’ve never been in a situation as yours before, I know that she still loves you.  You just have to believe in her, and she’ll believe in you.”

There was a long pause between them.  Kelly was shocked by the statement that Dustin had just given her.  There was a strange way Dustin had of talking that always made her feel better.

“You’re amazing...” Kelly said, breaking the silence.

Dustin stared at her blankly.

“I don’t understand, why hasn’t Ara gone to you earlier...?  What doesn’t she see in you...”

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Phew... that last part was long... but ok, now it’s the advertisement section.

All of us Within – I actually wrote the first chapter to this already.  It’s about evil little kids, yay!  It’s gonna be a satire, about a number of things.  It’s hard to explain.. You just have to read it it to find out lol.  I’m not sure if it’s a story many people would enjoy, but it’s a story that I’m putting out to make a statement.  Read if ur interested (I’m not gonna be so crazy about reviews for this one).

The Lamplighter – After I write All of us Within, I’ll be writing this.  It’ll be my next big shoujo fic.  Considering the huge success Forever Blue made (which went WAY beyond the expected), steph convinced me to write another shoujo fic.  It’s about this club singer, who is a self-centered biotch so to speak, but after she meets this guy she bumps into, everything starts to change.  Lol, I know, it just sounds like your typical girly story but there’s a lot more to it... well I’m hoping there will be.

The Song That Changed my Life – It’s basically about this guy who gets a music box that’ll give him what he wants the most, but only for the 13 full moons of the year.  However, because of his happiness, misfortune is cast upon the ones around him.  This is going to be my first humor fic since steph has also been complaining I’m too angsty.  The atmosphere will be a lot like Forever Blue (It was such a success, I can’t get over it), so those of you that liked it, watch out for this story.  My goal will be to make you guys laugh at least once every chapter, or I’ll rewrite it (Don’t’ be mean and say u didn’t laugh just to make me suffer).

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I have more fics to talk about, but those are just the ones that are coming up.  I don’t want to tell u guys about something that’s not gonna come out till 2006 -_-.  Well, now that I got everything done, you think that’s all that’s left to this review chapter...  Well you thought wrong.  Thanks everyone for taking the time to read through the entire review chapter, even though it was probably a waste of ur time, here’s ur reward.  I said that this review chapter was going to be just like the thing I did at the end of Forever Blue, well, there’s even going to be an epilogue.  And for those of you that didn’t bother to read this, HAH, you get to miss out on the ending.  Well here it is, hope it satisfies u more than the other ending ^_^.

Black Wings – Epilogue

After Etheria was destroyed, and Earth was sealed off from Umbra, everything was at peace again.  Because there weren’t any more fights, Umbra began rebuilding itself little by little.

Life there was once again quiet.  Finally, the sky could be seen through the clouds.

“I always thought it would be this way after we reached the peace.” Miyori mentioned to her sister.

“You can’t possibly go back...” Reia told Miyori.

“I’m not.”

Reia chuckled, “That girl...  If she returns, it could all start over again.”

“It’s what love can do to you.”

“Stop talk-” Just as Reia turned to face Miyori, she had already disappeared.  Softly, a smile touched her lips, “Good bye... sister.”

The park was completely littered with raindrops of leaves.  It was the fresh smell of autumn; the smell that lingered in the leaves.  The morning air floated in, just chasing out the fog from the scenery.  The sun hung itself directly above Roen, reflecting off of the droplets of dew on the grass.

Roen bent his head forward as he walked under the trees, making sure the leaves didn’t get caught in his hair.  There was something about the scenery that tugged at his memory, but he couldn’t pick it up.  It was like he was awake from a dream.

“Ah!! Catch it catch it!” He heard a voice yell from the distance.

Roen looked around, bewilderedly but by then, he had already been hit.  Down by his side, a yellow Frisbee tumbled onto the ground.

“Sayo!  Did you hit someone?” The same voice called out.  Roen looked in the direction and he saw a girl about the same age as him, calling for her little sister.

“Sorry mister.” A little girl said to him.  She was short and had black hair down to her shoulders.

“Eheh, it’s alright.” Roen said.

For several seconds, the girl looked into Roen’s eyes just after she had apologized to him.

“Sayo!  Did you say sorry?” The girl said again.

Then, the little girl span around and ran back to her sister, “I did I did!”

As her sister and her met each other, she smacked her on the arm, but her little sister just laughed.

“Sorry about that.” The girl said to Roen, picking up the Frisbee.

“Oh... it’s n-no problem...” Roen said, but he couldn’t help but stutter.  There was something different about the girl in front of him than any other girl.  She had long, brown hair and chocolate colored eyes with hints of caramel.  Something about her apologetic smile made Roen feel nostalgic.

“Who is she?” Roen asked bluntly.

“Oh, she’s my little sister.  I brought her back from the orphanage.” The girl looked back at her sister who was amusingly chasing a butterfly, “I promised her that I’d go back for her one day, and I did.” Then she turned back to Roen, “I’m sorry, she’s annoying isn’t she?  Didn’t mean to hit you.”

“A-are you new here?”

“Oh I’m just visiting.  It’s where Sayo used to live.” Then, the girl lent out her hand, “My name’s Ara.”

Roen took it into his, and gently shook it, “I’m Roen.  Nice to meet you.”

And so they met...