A lonely tear runs down my check as I open up the little red origami swan
on my black metallic desk in front of me. A shudder runs down my spine as I
reminiscence about how it all began on that fateful night. Oh, how I wish I
could turn back time. So many questions in my head, so many regrets drive
me insane. If I did something different, she would not be in so much pain.
It all began one month and two days ago, so be precise, on that cool
summers day. I plucked up the courage to finally ask out Susanita, and I
had planned to ask her on that perfect Sunday, or what I thought was going
to be a perfect day. The setting was perfect; I was meeting her up by a
quaint little pond, with a few brown wooden decks by it. The weather was
excellent, with the sun reflecting on the water, with a cool breeze to keep
the temperatures from smoking. The pond was filled with wildlife, as there
were red and yellow goldfish swimming about, ducks paddling about on the
surface, meddling with the herons. A lone tabby cat sat on a deck opposite,
eyeing the movements of a couple of tortoises, presumably wanting to catch
them. A lush green lawn lay on the other side of the brick path. Trees
stood firmly by a bench near the wooden bridge over the pond, losing a few
green leaves to the wind blowing through them. The whole scene was isolated
from humans, so I had the whole place to me and her, when she arrives.
Careful not to forget what to say, I revised the words in my head; I would
naturally greet her with a quick peck on each cheek, and then invite her to
sit on a deck. She would flash a smile at me, and then sit down, and then I
will hustle up a light conversation, and subtly lead the topic to love,
where I would pop the question to her. I had to keep my composure in front
of her, as well as keeping calm. However, I figured I must balance this
with a strong and obvious love for her. By the time I mentally ran all this
through my head, I was beginning to turn blue. I realised I was so nervous,
I had forgotten to inhale. Gasping for breath, I tried to collect myself
and told myself to calm down: It's not like it's a life-death situation, is
I didn't have to wait long before Susanita arrived, and when she did
arrive, I saw nothing else but her; my surrounding dissolved around me as
all my focus was fixed on her, and her alone. Susanita's most obvious and
eye-catching asset is her bottom-long blonde hair,, which she wore
straight. I swayed with her movements, making her seem almost heavenly, as
the sun was behind me. AS she drew closer, her most beautiful asset stole
the show: her lush, green eyes had always caught my eye, and that day was
no different. Her eyes met mine and I knew I wouldn't have known if the sky
fell on me then, she was that breath-taking. "Hi" She said softly, as she
embraced me in her arms, and gave me a peck on each cheek. I savoured the
moment before pulling back and looked at her. She was wearing a blue denim
jacket, a white top and denim jeans. I remember she had a few badges on her
jacket, so I looked down and sure enough, there they were. She wore a
little pink one saying "baby" in bold navy letters, and another close to it
of Minnie Mouse.
She flashed me a grin as she always does, and I returned the favour.
Quickly remembering what I called her up for, I sprang my plan into action
by asking her to take a seat on the deck, which she graciously did.
A duck took flight as I took a seat by Susanita's side, making a fluttering
sound in its wake. She batted her eyelashes at me and looked into my eyes
then. I just had to smile, and look back into her eyes. She spoke to me
softly, as she always does. "So, how are you, Principe?"(Spanish for
Prince, she gave me that nickname some while ago, for no apparent reason) I
replied with a grin and saying that I was great now, as I was by her side.
She laughed in a way that only a cherub could, capturing my heart, and
fuelling my desire to have her as my girlfriend even more. So we chatted
for a little while about what we did throughout the week, and whilst
maintaining a light conversation, I coolly placed my arm on her shoulder,
which made her smile and put her head on my shoulder briefly. A sweet scent
from her hair arose, which reminded me of the smell of roses. I flashed a
smile at her before pulling away from her. "I have something to show you,"
I told her as I pulled up my sleeves.
"Here, I have nothing in this hand [showing her my bare left arm], and
nothing in this [showing her my right]. Now watch carefully."
I wiggled my hands about like I've seen the magicians do on the telly, and
watched Susanita as she attentively watched my hands. As I cupped my hands,
I said "And. Ta-daa!!" Opening my cupped hands, I pulled out a small "Me to
You" teddy from my hands, to her sheer delight.
"Oh, Sammie, that's so cute! How did you do that?!" She inquired as she
took the teddy from my hands. I replied as simply as I could: "Magic"
After all that excitement, I decided that it was time to make a move. "Hey,
Susanita, what does it say on his T-shirt?" She looked down to the teddy's
shirt and said "I love you!" She looked up at me, staring deep into my
eyes. I took a deep breath and told her how I feel.
"That's right, Susanita, I love you. From the very first day I saw you, I
liked you very much, but as I grew to know you, I grew to love you, too.
The feeling grew with every passing minute spent with .you, Susanita. What
I'm trying to say is, I want to know how you feel about me, and if you
would like to have a relationship with me."
Throughout that whole speech, we held eye contact. I took another breath in
and held it as I waited for her to reply. It felt like ages until she did,
but when she did, I couldn't believe my ears.
"I'm afraid you and I cannot be, Sammie."
"I don't know when I misled you, or if I ever did, but I simply don't have
those kind of feelings for you at all. I see you as a good friend, Sam, and
nothing more. Thank you for all your hospitality, and your kindness since
the very first day we met, you've treated me so well, unlike anyone else
before, and you even know which teddies I love, but I'm afraid we can never
She paused briefly before concluding.
"I have to leave you now, Principe, good bye" She gave me another peck on
the check before walking off into the distance. I watched her as see turned
the corner and into the big world, with my heart on the floor, dying.
She left, but left me a feeling I have never ever felt before, something so
intense, so un-forgetful, and so unique, but it wasn't what I had hoped to
experience. Instead of the joyful feeling of happiness and love that I
carefully planned for, she returned my love with about 999 arrows through
my heart, and instead of un-forgetful love, she left me un-forgetful pain,
one that felt like she had just ripped out my heart with her bare hands,
squeezed it dry of any blood, dropping it on the deck, stamping on it for a
minute, before drop-kicking it into the other side of the pond. In my mind,
I could almost hear the distant splash of it hitting the surface of the
water and sink into the deep, dark bottom. I died then. Not physically, but
mentally and emotionally.
I don't know how long I sat there, looking into the water, and following
the movements of the fish, but when I finally built up enough energy to get
up, it was already dusk. I left the pond area, and began walking aimlessly,
not fully aware of any of my surroundings.