Notes And Such: I hope the rating is okay. The characters are of my imagination. Flames and reviews are always welcomed; in fact they are welcomed with open arms.

Breaking.

It would seem that after 2 ½ years you finally broke. That after 2 ½ years of watching him parade around with girl after girl you just couldn't take it anymore. You were sat in one of the lounging chairs in the small café near your house when it happened. You came here every week to think and be alone and every week he would come in with his girlfriend. This week the lucky girl was called Tracy. She was the typical American girl. Blonde hair, athletic build with a happy go lucky attitude. In other words she was sickeningly perfect. So, in they came, taking the chairs opposite to you. You gave them a short greeting. Then came the silence, which is always quickly followed by whispers and giggles from the girl. Usually you just ignored them. Read your book or sketched. But today, for some unknown reason it got to you. You just couldn't handle his deep laugh brought on by her flirtatious ways. It made you want to run and hide in a corner for the rest of your life. So, before you had time to think about what you were doing you got up, looked at them, snarled a quick 'fuck this shit' to them and left. You could feel their eyes following you out and hear all the whispers made by those sat close by. As much as you hated the attention you had just brought upon yourself, you couldn't help but feel good. After all, it's not everyday that you tell the love of your life to fuck it. 2 ½ years of pent up feelings were bound to surface sooner or later.

You didn't know where you were going to go when you walked out of the café. Not home, that's for sure, you shared an apartment with him. You decided to wait for a while before you went back, hoping he would be in bed or just not there all together. So, after what seemed like an eternity of pointless wandering you sat on a bench in the middle of a park and just stared. Stared at passer bys, the path, the trees.the happy couples, people laughing and joking with the people they loved. Something you knew you could never do. You hated this, hated yourself for being gay and even more so for falling in love with your best friend. But, he was perfect. He had an amazing personality, a gorgeous body and the most beautiful eyes you had ever seen. But most of all, he was a good listener. You could talk to him about anything and everything. He knew you were gay; he didn't have a problem with it. Said that it only made him like you more. You wonder how much he will like you now. Now that you've gone and fucked everything up. Or have you? Maybe.just maybe he won't realise why you had to leave like that. But then again.he probably will; he's always been good at reading your emotions. He's always said that you were like an open book, your eyes and body revealing everything to him. So why has he never seen the lust in your eyes every time you set your eyes upon him? Maybe he has, maybe he just chose to ignore it.

After a few hours of silent contemplation you decide that you need to go home. Face him if he's there, or just go to bed if he's not. You hoped to God that it was the latter that occurred. You should have known that things never work out the way you want them to. So obviously when you opened the front door and walked into the living room he was sat on the settee waiting for you. He looked worried, but the moment he saw you the worry disappeared and was replaced by anger, frustration.borderline hate.

"Where the fuck have you been?" He snarled, his voice laced with anger. "You realise I've been waiting for you for 6 hours. For 6 hours I have been worried out of my fucking mind. The way you left.I didn't know what to think." His voice takes on a softer tone after seeing the look on your face. "I was worried.why did you leave?"

You don't know how to react to his questions and venomous tone. He's never been like this before; even the softer tone of voice seems to be filled with anger.

"I.Well, I left because." Silence, you don't know how to finish, he's obviously oblivious to your feelings so you don't want to bring those up, but you can't think of an excuse that would justify you telling him to fuck it.

"Is it because.I don't know how to phrase this, but well is it because you like me?" You can feel your jaw drop and eyes go wide. Obviously he wasn't quite as oblivious as you thought. "I guess I should take that as a.yes?" You can't do anything but nod. All your senses have gone numb and at the sudden realisation that he knows, you turn and run into your room.

When you reach your room all of your energy seeps from you and you crumble into a crying heap in the middle of your bed. All the frustration, anger, sadness and longing that you have kept inside for the past 2 ½ years leaves you through your tears. You don't know how long you have been crying like this when you become aware of a hand gently rubbing your back. You hear his gentle voice telling you that it's ok, to keep crying.so you do. You don't want to, but you can't stop. It seems like a lifetime before the sobbing calms down and you can sit up. The minute you see him there, looking at you, you feel embarrassed. You have never once cried in front of him. You feel naked. You know that at this very moment he is seeing the real you. The boy who is hopelessly in love with him and you hate it. Before, you would put up barriers and wear a mask of indifference whenever he was around.but at this moment you can't stop crying let alone try to put up all those barriers. "Are you okay?" His voice, so soft and gentle. The mere sound of it calms your nerves and makes you feel so much better. This is how you fell in love with him. You remember one night; you were just sat talking to him when the phone rang. His sister's boyfriend had just been in an accident and she had phoned to talk to him, so he could make her feel safe. And he did.you could hear the love pouring from his voice with every word he spoke. And so you fell in love with him.

Still unable to talk you just nod your head. He doesn't say anything after this. You welcome the silence, you don't want to have to sit and explain to him how you feel about him. But after a few minutes it is obvious he wants to ask you something. His eyes haven't moved from your slightly shaking form.

"You know you can ask me.I might not answer, but you can still ask." You manage to tell him. Then, for the first time since entering your room you look up at him, straight into his eyes and smile. It's a reassuring smile. You want to make sure he knows nothing is his fault.that you don't mind him asking you questions.

"Well.what I said out there before, about you liking me.well, is it true?" He averts his eyes after asking you this question.

"Are you asking me if I have feelings other than those of friendship towards you?" You calmly reply. If there's one thing you can't stand, it's people pussy footing around what they want to ask.but because it's him you don't mind quite so much.

"I.well that is I guess so." A quick glance in your direction then he looks at the ground once again. He has never been this.this shy? Before.

"Well.it's pretty obvious isn't it? May as well get it all out in the open now.so you can think about things tonight.. here goes.." You glance in his direction.he feels your eyes upon him and looks straight at you, unable to tear your gaze away from him you begin to talk.only its more of a whisper. "For the past 2 ½ years I have kind of been in love with you."

"In...In love? With me?" You are both still staring at each other. It's painful to stay like this, but you decide you won't be the one to turn away.

"Yes. In love. With you." Your mouth suddenly feels dry and you begin to feel like maybe this wasn't the best thing in the world to say. He looks so.well you can't place that look. He's never looked like this before.

"Oh." Shock, maybe that's the look, because his one worded answer gives off this impression. He keeps opening and closing his mouth, like he wants to say something but doesn't know quite what.

"Sorry. I know it kinda ruins everything. And tomorrow.well I can start to look for a new apartment and hopefully by next week I can be out of here." You break the eye contact. You can't bear to look at his face anymore. "I think.well I think I'm gonna go for a walk maybe. Clear my head and stuff."

"No.don't." He tries to re-establish the eye contact.

"Don't go for a walk?" You feel confused. You know you need to go for a walk and you know that he definitely needs time to let the fact that his best friend is in love with him sink in.

"No.I mean that as well, but what I really mean is don't move out. Please." He looks so upset. His hands are clasping yours firmly; afraid that if he lets go you will run away.

"But.you don't want me here. I mean, God.I HAVE DREAMS ABOUT YOU. Do your really want to be in the same apartment as me knowing that I'm dreaming of.of tying you up and.and well you get the point!" His face breaks out into a grin. You feel your cheeks burn.

"Well.how about this. You can keep having those dreams and I won't mind as long as you show me what they are like." Your heart stops, eyes widen and mouth opens.

"I don't think that.that you want to know what happens in my dreams." By now you somewhat resemble a tomato and he begins to laugh. You can't move. So you just sit there on your bed looking dumb. That is until you find yourself on your back and your best friend/love of your life straddling your hips.

"Oh, I think I really want to know what happens. In fact.why don't I show you one of my dreams then you can show me one of yours." He winks at you after saying this. You still haven't moved. Then you feel his hands tug at your shirt. Palm on your chest he looks straight into your eyes and then it clicks. That look on his face.well it's the exact same look that you've worn on your face every single day of the past 2-½ years. Lust. Its lust.

"You.you want me?!" You manage to get out before resuming your open mouthed gawping look.

"Do I want you? God, what a stupid question." You feel your heart break.

"Oh." You look away, still aware of his hands on your chest.

"Jeezuz Christ, of course I fucking want you! Do you seriously think my hands would be on your chest and I would be straddling you if didn't." He then slides his hands from your chest to your face. You make a low moan and before you know it, his lips are on yours.

"But what about Tracy?" You feel stupid as soon as the words leave your lips. Of course, now he'll remember the perfect-fucking girls he dates and realise what he is currently doing. "I mean, you're not gay.you date girls not guys."

"Yes, I do realise that being gay means one needs to date someone of the same sex. And yes, I realise that while Tracy, Shauna, Krissy, Jasmine and so on aren't guys haven't you realised yet that none of them last longer than a week.and that I do my best to flaunt them in front of you.God, I mean I follow you every week to that stupid little café, and sit opposite you and I whisper to them.but my eyes never.and I mean never leave your face."

"oh.I don't usually look at you when you're with them."

"I know. You usually end up drawing or reading.I told you, I watch you." Then as if something lights up in his head he asks you a question you've never really ever bothered thinking about. " Have you never wondered why none of them come back here, or why I never go to their places."

"Well, now you mention it.but what are you saying? You date them to make me jealous?"

"10 points to the idiot. That's exactly what I'm saying."

"OH!" you turn bright red. A colour that contrasts with your bright green eyes.

"I love it when you blush. I wonder how many ways I can get you to blush.." An evil smirk appears on his face. You begin to worry. "I love you." You go bright red, your jaw drops and once again you look like an idiot.

"You."

"love you? Yes, in fact I am kind of in love with you. Now lie still while I tie you to the bed."

"wh.WHAT!"

"Your dream kinda got to me.hey its not my fault I'm a horny 19 year old."

Now, lying there, you begin to wonder why it took you 2 ½ years to finally break. Thank god for days like this. Next time something's bothering you, you won't wait quite so long to get it off your chest.

"Hey.it's my dream, I want to tie you up!" From the look in his eye, you knew you weren't getting your way. But then again, did you really care?