This time the only person I am fighting… is myself.

Revengeful Silence Locked

By MoshiMoshiQueen

I’m at a crossroad… but, there is no fork… there is no paved road that only goes two ways… it’s just a crossroad… where nothing makes since, and where ever road is hidden, and every road either crosses at some point or goes off somewhere else completely.

I can’t count the roads… heck, I do not even know if there are any roads at all… maybe there are no choices for me to make… maybe I am just going crazy… burning out… hearing little people that hide in my jean pocket and yell up at me…

I don’t like who I’ve become and I don’t know how to change that… maybe that is a road… or maybe that is just some hidden back door that has flung open…

Mental breakdown?

Stress catching up?

Yeah… I really think so…

Revengeful Silence Locked…

I start fights with my friends… I’ve lost friends… I stop talking to friends… I push them away… these are things I don’t do… sure, I send the silent treatment their ways… but, never for long… everyone knows I can’t keep the silence for long… why am I locking myself in silence now? Why haven’t I forgiven them… why can’t I just forgive myself?

I’d never ask for help… is this why I keep pushing the limits? Overacting and practically biting off my friends’ heads when ever they same something that ‘I deem wrong?’

I just can’t ask for help… how stupid is that? I think I’m reaching out… trying to get help, but it comes out wrong… I’m reaching… only to push people farther away…

Damn it… still in my mind it’s screaming I DON’T NEED HELP… then why do I keep going back to that? Why do I keep thinking maybe I just need… something…

Revengeful Silence Locked…

I don’t know what I need anymore… I use to need people… I use to need contact and conversations… and now… I just want silence… I push people away to gain silence that I only then complain about to others… maybe I lie to them about it… say I hate silence… when all I want is the silence… in silence nothing can go wrong… but… nothing goes any where that way…

What do I need?

Time? Maybe I just need it to stop for a moment…

Sleep? I’m always tired… then I sleep for ten to twelve hours and wake up tired… I get four hours of sleep one day… and wake up tired, but no tired enough to act like it… Smile…. Everyone is watching… Smile… four hours is nothing… you don’t want to questions that people will ask… the horrid question… Is Anything Wrong?

Food? I either starve and don’t eat anything for a few days… or eat and eat and eat… and still feel hungry…

Tears? I’ve had to many… they don’t help…

Drained… mentally and physically… in every possible away… and I can’t escape… I can’t leave… I need to get away… but, I have no where to go… I’m locked here… I’m trapped here…

Revengeful Silence Locked…

Part…? There is no part… there is no plan… there is just this hell that I am locked in…

Me? I’m… nothing.

Best Friend? Happy… isn’t that what I wanted her to be? Even at my expense?

Others? With the way I’ve been treating them… they are probably very far… far… far away… lucky them…

Arm? Wrist? I really wish I could feel pain… at least I’d be feeling something…

Friendships? I… don’t know any more…

Silence? My hell… my savor… my beginning… my end.

Revengeful Silence Locked…

“I just go through the day and everything is the same… nothing seems to be changing… but, me… I’m forever changing… or just forever left in the dust… somehow I cannot tell which one is worse…” ~*~ Moshi-san