Disclaimer: Characters are -mine-. MINE, I TELL YOU. NO TOUCHY! ::cough::

A/N: If you happened to read the original version of this... I've completely changed it. Well, not -completely-. But I decided that it didn't fit with the rest of the series, so I felt the need to change it. Also, I started a webcomic based upon this series, and decided to make this the written version of the first chapter. The two main characters remain nameless and depressing.

Warnings: Slash (homosexuality), language, mentions of suicide, implied sex, and implied self-harm

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Trapped Inside Pain

by Kat-chan

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I woke with a gasp, eyes flying open to the blue-grey shadows of his bedroom. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, in his boxers, his skin looking even paler in the moonlight. He was picking at his bandages again, and had I not been caught between nightmare and reality, I would have smacked him and told him to stop.

"Oh," He said, very plainly, half whispering and just barely glancing over at me, "You're awake," He paused again, "Bad dreams?"

"I... I dreamt you were gone..." My voice came out as little more than a hoarse rasp. My throat was so dry, "You were dead. Killed yourself... And... and I found you... Lying in the bathtub..."

"Yeah?" He tilted his head a bit, "Did I drown myself, or slit my wrists?"

I couldn't help but stare in shock. There was a glimmer of amusement in his eyes, a faint smirk on his lips. I felt sick.

"It's not funny..." I wanted to be angry with him. He was two seconds from laughing at me and I -wanted- to be furious. But all I could manage was an underlying sorrow, staring down at my own hands, idle in my lap, simply so he couldn't see the tears welling up in my eyes, "It felt so real... Like... a memory. Like I'd already been through it once before..."

"Stupid," He leaned over and kissed my forehead, "It was just a dream. See? I'm still here, ain't I?" I gave a soft snort.

"Isn't this where you're supposed to tell me that everything's alright and I have nothing to worry about?" I was half joking, though I can't say the words wouldn't have been appreciated. He just scoffed and shook his head.

"Nothing's ever 'alright' for a couple of fuck-ups like us," His tone was grave, echoing my terrible dream. I must have turn seven shades of white, because he chose that moment to kiss me again. Rough and demanding this time, and actually on the -mouth-, not patronizingly on the forehead or the tip of my nose.

"What...?" Was all I managed before I was on my back again and he was looming over me. Straddling my hips, pinning my wrists, grinning that odd, maniacal grin of his.

"Relax," He purred, and I was surprised I could even hear him over the pounding of my heart in my ears, "I know -just- how to take your mind off those silly old nightmares..."

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And hour later found him sitting in the window sill, smoking. He'd joked about the cliche of it all, smoking after a good fuck. I winced at his words, unable to stop myself from wondering if that was all I was to him. Just another fuck. Our relationship was still new, then, and I hadn't quite realized that he depended on me as much as I depended on him. Not yet.

I wanted to go back to sleep, but I couldn't. Still. Everytime I closed my eyes, I saw it again. The blood spattered bathroom, and the shards of broken mirror scattered across the floor. The bathtub, filled to overflowing with rusty-red water. And just beneath the surface, his face. More peaceful in death than I'd ever seen him in life.

"Quit thinking so much, jackass," And empty pack of cigarettes bounced off my forehead and I looked up to see him smirking, "I just fucked you senseless so you'd go back to sleep. You had a long day. Stop worrying about shit you have no control over."

I remember blinking at him in sleepy confusion, but I was suddenly too tired to ask him whatever it was I was going to ask him. And the last thing I saw before slipping off into an exhaustedly dreamless sleep was the end of his cigarette burning into the flesh of his wrist.

I should have known.

-end-

Yup. Changed and yet not. Review or something, or go check out the comic at .com

Also, this story has sequels. Check my bio page for them. There's "Just Stop", "Believe It" and "Disjointed Fairytale" all of which feature the same two nameless characters and give a little more explanation to their relationship.

::tips her hat:: That's all for now. Thanks!