I'm no fairytale helpless maid
With a pink dress and itching braid

I don't need steeds or poncey hats
Or blokes in tights who look like twats

I don't need twerps with toothy grins
A bone fide dumb-ass prince

I'm not the type to squeal and scream
Or fit into the "princess theme"

I'm not like Cinders or Snow White
Won't cry if I receive a fright

I don't want age-old cheesy lines
Or Daddy's finest food and wines

I don't need crowns or crappy frocks
Or my hair woven into locks

I don't need blokes who think they're "it"
Or corsets which will NEVER FIT

I'm not your usual leggy lass
With tiny hips and tits to match

I don't believe in good v. bad
And witches' curses make me mad

I don't need picnics in a wood
With tasteless little finger-food

I don't need nobody but me
Don't need some man to set me free

Has all this left you still confused?
Still need some help to get the news?

I'm no fairytale, loud and clear
Prefer my blokes away than near

So maybe I'm trapped in a pit
Give me a spade, I'll do my bit

And sure I may not be size eight
The food I have's too good to waste

So if I happen to be doomed
Won't give a stuff if I'm not groomed

I won't be caught dead in a dress
And ... well, you'll figure out the rest